My cat brought in a young possum last spring and let it go in the house. It ended up cowering under the tv stand in the living room. After much gentle prodding with a yardstick we got it into a basket with a lid. I took it to a local nature preserve and let it go in a likely place. Two days later another possum appears under the tv stand. Out comes the yardstick and the basket followed by a trip to the nature preserve. Two days after that…lather, rinse, repeat!
What got me is the use of ‘gentle’ and ‘yardstick’ in the same sentence without some negative qualifier.
It was the closest I had to a 10 foot pole!
Really, I didn’t want to hurt the cute little buggers. 
Maybe, but you wanted to make sure that the little bugger couldn’t hurt you, either. 
Si
Awww, that’s sweet! The possum wanted to snuggle … oh, wait a sec! Your neighbor wasn’t wearing Possum fur nipple warmers to bed, was he?
I can’t believe I was singing this…
Good! That tells me my meter was on-the-money.
Tripler
. . . and the thunder rolls. 
Aaaand…the Return Of The Possum!
Dad says he was back in the garage today, trying (unsuccessfully) to scale the metal shelves where we store the Rice-A-Roni.
Marsupials like the San Franscisco Treat™. Whoda thunk it?
It used to be “common knowledge” that possums couldn’t live in Minnesota because their little hands (and they are hands, I swear), feet and tails are hairless–so they couldn’t stand Minnesota winters.
Announcing the New Minnesota Thinsulated Ice Possum! Good to -20 degrees F. Uglier than stewed puke! Meaner than a Pit Bull with roid rage!
I drove past one on my way out of the marina, and he charged my truck. It wasn’t fast enough to catch me, but I watched him in the rear view as he loped after me for a few strides.
I think possums and raccoons have a bet going as to which one can commit the most roadkill suicides. The raccoons are leading, but the possums ain’t giving up.
I’m sorry but the armadillo has that one sewn up.
Well, it does store well. They may not be clever, but they know their staples.
Ain’t that the truth. I went driving in Texas once. Once. From Dallas to Texarcana and back again. I swear, I saw more armadillo roadkill in that 6 hours of driving that the sum total of all other roadkill I have ever seen in my life combined.
Then again, I also saw more road-side billboards advertising vasectomy reversal surgery that anyplace else, either. What is it about Texas that it has a greater need for un-doing vasectomys than it has for the folks who usually use such signs, like ambulance-chasing lawyers?
This thread was worth it just to read the phrase “possum fur nipple warmers.” Snerk.
Possum roasting on a open fire
Jim Beam nestled in my glass
Fourteen bandages on my arms and legs
That possum really kicked my ass.
Tough critters, them possums.
I’ve had my chews
Time after time
I’ve feigned my sentence
But admitted no crime
And bad mistakes
I’ve slept through a few
I’ve had my share of buck shot in my ass
But I’ve come through
We are the possums, my friends
And we’ll keep on fighting, till the end
We are the possums
We are o’possums
No time for losers
'Cause we are the possums - of the world
I’ve taken on bow-wows
And many cat calls
You brought me food and fresh gardens and everything that goes with it
I thank you all
I’ve dug in beds of roses
And evaded your noose
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race
And I’ll always get loose
We are the possums, my friends
And we’ll keep on fighting, till the end
We are the possums
We are o’possums
No time for losers
'Cause we are the possums - of the world
Y’all are twisted sons of bitches.
sniff
I love you guys.
Well, sure, down south. But up here in Yankeestan there ain’t no armadillos, so the competition is primarily between raccoons and possums…with the occasional badger, cat or deer thrown in for variety.
Well, the possums are good, but the skunks are the ones to beat in the roadkill derby around here. Our raccoons aren’t hardly trying.
Uh-oh, I hear “The Yellow Rose of Texas” again…
There ain’t no armadillos
Up here in Yankeestan
We pick up coons and possums
And fry 'em in a pan…
Ahem. We don’t *shear *our possums, down here. We shoot 'em.
missed the edit, so adding: possum fur is lovely - not too sure about the nipple warmers, but I have a pair of gloves, and they’re fantastic. They’ve been trying to turn our possum abundance into business for a while - I’ve eaten possum kebab (not great) but I hope the fur industry takes off