My god. Have I become a jock?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Is this what happens to you in your old age? (Well, 27?) Do you suddenly get the weirds and abandon everything you used to do?

When I was younger, I couldn’t imagine playing any sport on purpose. I sat out the last half of high school gym by pretending to have my period for a whole semester. Years of forced gym classes have worked to make me feel physically ill when contemplating playing any sort of team sport. (Funny, I think the idea behind mandantory phys ed is precisely the opposite. Maybe they should work on that.) I didn’t even go outdoors if I could help it, until I bought a house and got into gardening. I am a professional nerd. (I’m a librarian, for god’s sake!) I read, I cross stitch, I have a Netflix habit. I play board games. I drink wine. I don’t play sports. I can’t even make myself go to the gym. Ever.

It started out slow. I took up golf in January. I mean, golf isn’t a sport. They let John Daly be a professional golfer, it’s not like it can possibly be that athletic, can it? (In other words, I’m in no danger of losing those twenty pounds I’ve gained since my mid-twenties!) Golf started to kind of… take over. Before I knew it, my gardening got totally neglected. I started keeping my clubs and shoes in my trunk, just in case I had a chance to go practice. I started buying cute little golf skirts. And books about golf. And shopping for what I’m going to get when I upgrade my clubs next year. Golf became a bit of a… problem. Golf isn’t cheap, you understand. I’m taking lessons and playing every chance I get, and the garden’s overgrown and the house is a mess and the catbox needs cleaning.

So why over the weekend did Himself and I pick up tennis? They don’t let John Daly play tennis. He’d hurt himself. Skinny tanned athletic people play tennis. (So far, all the ones we’ve seen are, like, sixteen.) Tennis is a real sport. There’s no such thing as a tennis duffer. They don’t give you a handicap. I have already hurt my ankle and we’ve only been playing for two days! (What if my golf clubs find out? They might get mad at me for cheating on them! Lord knows I don’t need them to be any meaner!) Tennis is weird, from a golf perspective. Tennis is cheap. Even the cute little skirts are cheap! We can play tennis for free. We spent totally about 30 bucks, together, on tennis. We’re taking some lessons starting next Monday, and a set of four is going to cost us a little less than what one hour of golf instruction costs me.

My trunk is full of… sports equipment! Playing sports is cutting into my movie watching! I play TWO DIFFERENT SPORTS!. And I’m enjoying it. It’s weird. It’s unlike me. It’s totally out of character and I blame the pollen. Christ, what next? Basketball? Kayaking? Marathons? I tell you what, I refuse to wear a softball uniform and that is final.

I tell you what, it’s weird, is all I’m sayin’.

2

So, what is the name of the softball team you’ve signed up for?

3

I hear ya!

It started out as a once in a while trip to the gym with my hubby to humor him while he tries to shape up. It then turned into “show me what you’re doing.” I’m now on a full weight routine, got the cutsie little mesh shorts and sports bras. Yesterday, on the way to the gym, stopped at the sports supply place and grabbed myself a cute little pair of weight lifting gloves so I won’t further the mangling of my rings and development of the calluses on my palms from the bars.

I’ve turned into a 4-day per week, weight lifting adrenaline junky. I’m not looking to get big (women competition lifters are totally ew in my opinion and would look odd for all of my 5’4" frame), but want no jiggle left anywhere on my body!

4

You can’t play softball in a cute little skirt. That’s the line I draw in the sand.

Damn, aren’t those tennis dresses darling? I promised myself I’d buy one if I can get as skinny as those high school girls we always see playing. My dad said I’d do better if I only brought one ball.

5

You said you hurt your ankle. What kind of shoes are you wearing? If you’re wearing stuff that’s meant for running, that would be a problem. (I played volleyball in high school and did a little tennis when I was really litte; the principles aren’t too different.) Get some cross trainers or tennis shoes-- they’re designed to make movement where one is shuffling from side to side in addition to up and down the court. Running shoes are only made for going forward, and are one of the biggest causes of ankle injuries when playing sports that make you run around sideways.

As for tennis, if Acid Lamp were up for it, I’d take up tennis again. It’d be a while and quite a few pounds, though, before I could look really cute in those tiny tennis skirts.

6

They’re cross trainers; I have actual running shoes (yeah, that didn’t last long) but I know you’re not supposed to use them where you make direction changes. Actually, it’s weird. Last night my ankle was a bit swollen and had a bruise on it. The only time I could have hurt it, I think, I was running straight and all of a sudden felt a pain as if I had turned my ankle - but I was just running straight! And if that was it, where did the bruise come from? (Which is much less distinct now - last night it was a reddish mark, odd to start with because I bruise dark and often, and now it’s still reddish but not distinct. Maybe it isn’t a bruise after all?)

7

I’ve sprained my ankles many times over the years, and bruising is pretty common if it’s a reasonably bad sprain. Just remember to elevate it, ice it, rest it, and use some sort of compression for the first day or so. It’ll help it heal faster if it’s isolated from movement for a day.

8

It doesn’t actually hurt today, and it’s no longer swollen. (Granted, I’ve been librarianating, not playing tennis.) I was very surprised to see it swollen last night, as it didn’t hurt (although I did feel a bit of throb when I got in bed and paid attention to it.) Should I wrap it next time I play just in case? (And how do you wrap an ankle? Not only am I not an athletic person, I’ve also never sprained a joint, never broken a bone, never required stitches, never been to the ER…)

9

Oh! Oh! Zsofia! Zsofia! Go to Target right now, and buy yourself pink golf balls and a pink golf glove, but also–get this–PINK TENNIS BALLS! Aaiiieeeee!!!

I have the pink tennis balls. I tried juggling with them, like someone told me to, but was too slow. I think I’m too slow for tennis too. My third option is to buy a miniature dachshund, knit sweaters for it, and play fetch with the pink tennis balls.

10

I already have pink golf balls. And pink golf clubs. (They were the cheapest that had what I wanted, and so I decided, what the hell, let’s be pink.) And some pink golf shirts. And, get this! My tennis racket matches the golf clubs! It’s the same pink-ass brand! I am kicking breast cancer’s ass! I also have some Spongebob golf balls because they’re easy to find in the woods, and you know what? They have tennis balls with Spongebob too!

Uh, I’m not usually quite so girly, but sports with cute little skirts seem to bring it out in me.

11

Dood. You are so my hero. I want a pink tennis racket.

12

It’s kind of… scary. We went to Wal-Mart on our way to the golf course and said, Hey, Let’s Play Tennis! So we got some rackets, played after golf, and found out, hey, they’re junior sizes. So we went back and the tennis section was entirely different. This was Easter Sunday, and yet Wal-Mart figured out we needed grownup tennis rackets! I hate Wal Mart! We only went in because Himself had to return something! They had exactly one Wilson Hope Vagina racket - fifteen bucks, baby! Dick’s online has it for 50. I got a little pink visor to match.

13

I can assure both you and CherryBomb that you are NOT jocks.

You certainly are embracing an athletic lifestyle, and that is to be commended. A bit of exertion and competition (even if it’s only with yourself) are good for both the body and the soul.
So keep doing whatever it is you’re doing, and add anything else you might enjoy. An elevated heart rate never hurt anybody (within acceptable limits, of course).
Go on out. ENJOY. Fresh air and a little bit of sweat are the best things known to man.
Oh, and get shoes appropriate to the activity. They’ll pay for themselves in doctor’s-copays-avoided.

14

You’re in trouble. Golf isn’t a hobby. You’re screwed now. You’ll find it permeating your life…you’ll have conversations with perfect strangers about the damned sport…
…you’re finished.

Here’s a quick quiz: what did you shoot your last 18? I’m not talking about the final score…tell me about every stroke…
That’s when you know.

15

Also known as RICE:

Rest
Ice
Compression
Elevate

I’ve never needed to wrap my ankles, but if it ends up being a common occurance it may be a good idea to get an ankle brace (the kind that ties up like a shoe).

I played tennis and golf in high school, they were both alot of fun! I stick more to rugby and racquetball these days, but my buddy’s trying to get me to go out and play tennis with him. Who knows, I might take him up on it.

16

I made this transition, but at age 14. Went from a total shut-in to starting on my school’s basketball team and lobbying my (very small) school to field teams in other sports too.

Of course, the year after I graduated they started teams in baseball, football and soccer, all of which I would’ve killed to play in high school. No fair!

Cross trainers are nice, but court shoes (the ones specifically made for tennis; apparently so named to avoid confusion with the more generic term “tennis shoes”) are where it’s at. Unfortunately, I accidentally left mine in a locker at school until after the semester ended and they were thrown away (I took a tennis class at community college). Them was some nice shoes, too.

17

I sort of went the other way. I was never a jock, but I used to ride my bike about 10 miles a day on average, just going places I wanted to go. But then I transferred from a junior college to a university, got a car to get there, started working an hour away from home, and now I’ve become a couch potato. Well, computer chair potato anyway. In high school I used to bike up and down hills in San Francisco like they were nothing. Just this past weekend I was driving down Van Ness, and thought if I tried to bike it now I would collapse.

18

A sports injury is the first sign that you are REALLY a true athlete. I mean, if you can’t wait to get better so you can go pick out a tennis dress and get back on the court, you could be in big trouble.

You should be warned about a couple of things. There are other sports you mentioned, such as kayaking, which I completely LOVE that can cause a common illness called GAS.

That’s Gear Acquisition Syndrome. I fear it may be too late for you with the golf. But if you start looking at bikes and especially if you start lifting the up and asking how much they weigh and checking to see if they have matching gloves, you may need to seek the help of a sports psychologist.

Who will of course tell you not to forget that the helmet should match as well. He’ll also be able to suggest the most comfortable spray skirt for the pink kayak.

19

Oh, so far we only play 9 holes of par 3, which is plenty of golf course for us! Monday I hit my first ever tee shot onto the green on 7! And then I was so discombobulated by it that I seven-putted.

CeilingWhacks - the kayak wears a cute little skirt?! Also, I already have a nice bike which I really need to ride more. Need to get a tune-up for it. Also need to figure out how to actually inflate the damned tires. (Assumed I knew. Tried to take it out with my mom. Found out that either I’m dumb or those Presta or Presti or whatever valves are weird.)

20

I played volleyball in high school, which was when most of these occurrences happened. Had a lace-up ankle brace, or had my ankles taped when I played. After six years of being a middle blocker, though, I had to give up the sport in my last season of high school. :frowning: :mad: At least I can walk and run without much in the way of problems now, which was not the case by the time I had to quit.

Zsofia: I played tennis when I was really little, as my oldest brother LOVED the sport. (Still does.) I had the cutest neon pink tennis racket. Wish I still had it. ::sniff:: Those were the days…