My greatest influence - an early MMP

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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My parents were 40 when I was born, my brother 10 and my sister 15. And this was towards the end of the time when teen girls were encouraged to prepare for being a wife and mother. Add to that the fact that my mother, as good a mom as she was, was an emotional cold fish, and my sister ended up taking care of me more than half the time for at least my first 3 years until she went off to Brandeis to become a Beatnik. Actually she started of as an art major, (I have some of her paintings hanging in my house, unfortunately, there’s too much stuff in front of one of them) but changed majors several times before graduating.
After she moved out, she visited almost every weekend. She taught me to play guitar, helped me with homework, taught me beauty tips (like using my head as one big roller to get my wavy hair straight), taught me Backgammon and Go and other games. Here we are together in 1968 (or thereabouts)
I always looked up to her, and as I got older (into my teens) I more and more wanted to emulate her. She started with AT&T as an oversees operator, eventually become a very successful System Analyst. She then moved to a company that specialized in helping other companies with their fledging computer departments. They sent her all over the country, teaching, lecturing, seminaring (yes, it’s a word, because I say so)
During one of these trips in ‘77 or ‘78, she was in the hotel restaurant one morning, having trouble getting the waitress’ attention. Finally the gal came over and apologized, stating that the gentlemen at another table were in a hurry to get to a seminar’s key note speaker. My sister fixed eyes with the waitress and said “did it ever occur to you that maybe I’m the keynote speaker?” Her meal was on the house.
She was also very involved with Sweet Adelines, even directing a small chorus for a year or two.
In 1976, she had a melanoma removed from her upper back. She’d been a sun bunny most of her life, even chipping in with some college friends to rent a house in the Hamptons for a few summers (I was never invited, tho ;)) and this was the price. The doc told her that they had to take out a lot of lymph nodes but that the outermost ones were clean. He also suggested, but did not insist, that she do follow up radiation and chemo. She declined because she didn’t want it to interfere with her upcoming trip to Europe.
Fast forward to Thanksgiving 1979. I was already home from school for the weekend, and she called before leaving her place. She said she’d been all kinds of nauseous with vicious headaches lately but had it under control and here was the route she was taking, in case she didn’t show up in a reasonable amount of time, to come look for her, because she’d be on the side of the road somewhere, puking.
She showed up not too late, looking a little worse for wear; she’d thrown up in the car, but managed to clean up and felt better, so she continued on to us. Friday that weekend, mom took her to the doc to try to find out what was wrong. He examined her, and looked into her eye*. He didn’t like what he saw and told her to see her own doctor on Monday. The rest of the weekend was uneventful. She slept thru her appointment on Monday, but saw the doc on Tuesday - he immediately sent her to the oncologist. The same melanoma had found its way to her brain. They took it out and she moved in with us to be near an excellent hospital for the follow up radiation and chemo. The prognosis was fair to good, depending on how she responded to the chemo. But over the next year, little tumors kept popping up all over the place. most were removed, but finally, a rather large one in her brain was declared inoperable, so all we could do was wait. Between the tumor messing with her motor skills and speech centers, and the chemo making her very ill and cranky, it was a wearying year. And I did not handle it well at all. I was only 22, basically fresh out of college and working for my dad. It was hard to watch my sister, whom I looked to as a second mother, deteriorate like that. When she left us in March’81, I was devistated. It changed me and I started acting out and behaving in very destructive ways. I couldn’t wait to move out of my parents’ house. I didn’t blame them, I blamed the doc from 1976 who did not require the follow up treatment. But I couldn’t live with them anymore because they had changed, having lost their first born. I eventually got therapy and snapped out of it to be who I am today, but that experience will always be with me. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her or miss her.

I’m sorry to be so somber in this OP, but I wanted to tell you about my biggest influence. Who was yours?

  • I find it amazing that doctors can tell so much just by looking at the back of the eye.
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I haven’t read the MMP yet, I just wanted to be first! Hootie-hoo!

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OMG, Rosie, I’m sorry about my stupid flippant post.

My (half) sister was one of my greatest influences, too. She was 8 years older than me, and went to live with her grandmother when I was little. I idolized her. She ignored me for the most part, until I was twelve. She started taking me places with her, introducing me to the early 70’s drug culture. Just pot, really.

Around my 14th or 15th birthday, she came out me. She wrote me a letter from California (on a paper lunch bag! I thought that was the coolest thing!) but my mom intercepted it. (Now, I imagine Mom was worried about her and wanted some information, but at the time I felt betrayed by my Mom.) Anyway, I had barely known what “homosexual” was - but it was my sister telling me, and she was cool, ya know? So being gay was an ok thing.

It caused a schism in the family. My mom and (her step-)dad basically disowned her. Years later, she was accepted, but I never didn’t accept her. I loved her. We hung out together, and two different times lived together. We got close.

She had quite a few relationships, but never seemed to find “The One.” She had alcohol problems (as my whole family does) and was trying to get sober when she and her last lover split up. She was going to AA, but was suffering from depression too, it seems, because she killed herself shortly after.

It was hard, and I am still mad at her sometimes. I miss her very much. She died Aug 3, 1988.

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I guess my dad is my biggest influence. I say that because I find myself yelling at misbehaiving kids the same way he’d yell at me. :slight_smile:

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{{{rosie}}}

My dad was my biggest influence, hands down. I still look around for him from time to time.
Thanks to all in the last MMP ‘gratulatin’ my** BEARS!!!

**
See ya’ in Miami.
PS: It was actually damn pleasant out there today, if you were a BEAR!!!

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Great OP, rosie. You’ve mentioned your sister before, and I think your OP is a fitting tribute to her. I especially like the pictures, it helps me to understand the people better.

My greatest influence was probably my sophmore English teacher, Mr. Shonick. Due to a screw up in the system, I was mainstreamed into regular English, and bored out of my mind. Vocabulary tests? On easier words than I’d had in 5th grade? (I was always precocious in the language arts, and most teachers never made the attempt to keep me engaged, except vocabulary.) So Mr. Shonick sent me to the library on vocab days. My first assignment? Slaughterhouse Five. Completely changed the way I viewed the world. I had never even considered that there might be alternatives. In my house, it was their way, period. Nothing else was acceptable. Throughout the year, Mr. Shonick kept after me to write, something, anything. Grudgingly, I wrote whatever he assigned, but no more than that. I wasn’t willing to tell him that the only time I had to write was at school, because everything I wrote at home would be read by my mother, and sooner or later, I’d be called to account for it. Finally, he had one more assignment for me. He pulled me out of Spanish class that afternoon. He had tears in his eyes. I was puzzled. What was wrong? He told me to write what I know. So I had. That was when it finally began to dawn on me that maybe all the problems in my life weren’t *my * fault. He was the first person who ever treated me like a real person, not an object or a number or a toy. No, I take that back. He made **me ** realize that I was a real person, not an object or a number or a toy. That was a major turning point in my life, without which, I don’t know where I’d be, or if I’d even still be alive. So, thanks, Mr. Shonick, for letting me see myself for the first time.

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That was a very touching tribute anyrose. I’m no art critic, but I really like those paintings, especially the “you”, “me?” one. Appears to be inspired by the times in which it was painted. Did she do many more? Have you ever shown them to anyone knowledgeable about art?

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Very moving OP, rosie.

I’ve got a hard time figuring out who that I’ve met in person has been my biggest positive influence. But I have two that were enormous positive influences without ever intending to.

One, a cousin of my grandmother’s. My grandmother’s living room had a very large table with only one central column instead of four legs; I was quite adept at entering that room while the adults weren’t paying attention and hiding under the table with a construction set, playing silently (a skill I’d developed with my parents, this was at the time of a 2-yr depression Dad had during which no noise was allowed in the house if he was in) and listening to the adults. This aunt had recently retired and one of the first things she’d done was take a several-months trip to South America. This was in 1971, so spending three months in Peru, Bolivia, Ecuador and Argentina was something even more exotic that it would be now.
I remembered my awe at finding out that… if you were a retired widow with a good piggybank, You Could Travel On Your Own! I wanted to be just like her!

In due time I discovered that getting married, having your husband survive a Civil War just to be run over by a car within one month of V-Day, raising two kids on your own and working as personal secretary for one of the most important people in the country weren’t required, so I skipped that part. Being retired isn’t required either, apparently.

The other was Marie Curie. There was this series of books that was always 15 stories. One of them, that’s still at Mom’s, was “15 stories of great women”. I’d really like to read it again one of these years to pay more attention to the Isabel the Catholic chapter, but back then the one that I read so many times it’s a wonder I didn’t waste the paper away was Maria Slawodowska’s (which I may be misspelling) story of growing up in Poland and going all the way to Paris to study. And two Nobel prizes, two! I’ll never be a Marie Curie but she’s still one of my personal references, always will be.

On the home front, a friend of Mom’s died last week. I really don’t think what Mom needs is Lithium pills. I’m going to call her tonight, we’re going to talk more often than usual because I think that’s what she really needs. The paperwork to have SiL set up as her primary physician took all of five minutes; she made a point of seeing her doctor beforehand so he wouldn’t wonder what happened and he and his nurse (a bearded guy who looks like a lumberjack) thought it was hilarious. The doctor said “I almost pity your DiL - almost, I’m sure she deserves this.”

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Thanks for sharing that rosie. It was very touching.

I’ll have to think a bit on who’s influenced my life the most. Sleep on it, even. It’s 3am and I’ve been up trying to brainstorm on my stoopid thesis topic. Just shot an email off to my potential thesis advisor, basically groveling as much as is possible electronically. Wish me luck.

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Great OP, rosie, your sister sounds like she was a very special person.

I can’t think of any really major influences just now, the only one that comes to mind is my 2nd year junior school teacher, Mr Adams. He was a really entertaining teacher and a bit of a local character. His biggest influence was in terms of literature - the age range of the class was 8-9 years old and he used to read us stories every day. He would pick a book and read to the whole class, hopefully wanting to inspire us to pick up something more challenging than the ‘required reading’ for our age.

His choice of books included things like “The Hobbit”, “The Iron Giant” and “The Land of Green Ginger”. All great books and he chose a great way to get us interested in them. Well, it worked for me…I’d already been a keen reader and he just pushed me into looking further than the section of the library that was supposed to be suitable material for my age.

Normally you moved from the junior library to the adult one at 16. I was in there by age 12.

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Moving tribute, **rosie ** - very sweet.

Two people came to mind for me. First was my dad. He never fussed at me for using his tools (unless I didn’t put them away), he was instrumental in a very big event in my senior year of high school (too long to go into here), and he was very encouraging when I decided to join the Navy. My mother and my grandmother thought it was a huge mistake, but Dad was right there supporting me and encouraging me. I really miss him.

The other was my first Spanish teacher - Mrs. Englemeyer - and the one thing she said to me that has always stuck. This isn’t a direct quote, but in boiled down to: When you’re trying to get ahead in a very competitive field, you just have to be better than everyone else. OK, it may sound trite on the surface, but when I was a junior in high school, it was a revelation - I was only limited by how much I was willing to work to achieve something. I had control. What a concept!

Incidentally, I’m at home. We’re delayed start 2 hours. I found out last night at 10:30 when a stupid recording called to tell me. TWICE!! When I go in today, I’m going to find out who is responsible and point out that some people are in bed and asleep at 10:30 PM, especially when they get up at 4:45!!! I pity those who have babies - a ringing phone can be jarring to a sleeping child. Anyway, **FCD ** didn’t get delayed, so he’s on his merry way, and I get an early morning chance to surf the Dope. I’m having my breakfast now, and in an hour, I’ll be heading to the office myself.

Scruffy tolerated the crate overnight. I don’t think she’ll be all that happy this morning when I put her back in there. Oh well - such is life! She also wasn’t happy when I took her out in the yard this morning. The ground was crunchy, and she couldn’t find any leaves to pee on. But it’s going to crawl into the 40s today, so the leaves should be back this afternoon when I get home.

And so begins my Monday…

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Very moving OP, anyrose. I honestly can’t think one one specific person who was a major influence on me when I was younger. Maybe that’s why I’ve spent time drifting a bit.

The kids are going two hours late due to the icy roads. FCM, I was thinking about you while I was watching the listings and saw the various gub’mint delays.

Okay, other news. I got a job! I was hired as an EMT/Driver for a private ambulance company. I have orientation tomorrow, and start training Wednesday. I can keep my preschool teaching job (it’s just three mornings a week), and work for the ambo company in the afternoons and evenings. This is a step towards making more money, obviously, which is what I need to do right now. I’ve been working just part-time for about 9 years, and am way too financially dependant on my husband. We are separated, and heading toward divorce, so this is just what I need. I think he was shocked that I was able to find a full-time job so quickly. I am VERY excited.

I also (finally) got all my paperwork from Fire 1, and I’m official. I passed with a final score of 83%! Yay me!

So, that’s my Monday.

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Congratulations, BibKitty - on the grade but specially on the job.

I’m loving the new edit feature :smiley: Now I have to train myself to read the whole thread before responding and I’ll be all set!

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Great OP rosie. A wonderful tribute to your sister. I really liked the paintings. Looks like she was a multi-faceted, multi-talented person. It’s tough to lose a sib. I lost a younger brother almost five years ago now. That was tough for me but even tougher for my sis, his twin.

I’d say the biggest influence on my life is my dad. Heh. I’m so dang much like him it ain’t even funny. He died almost three year’s ago from Alzheimer’s (well, physical complications related to it. Seems Alzheimer’s does cause a lot of physical as well as mental deterioration.) What’s scary is, I also have an aunt and uncle (dad’s sibs) who died from Alzheimer’s. I’m really hoping I didn’t inherit that influence. :eek: Seriously, even though my physical features are very much from mom’s side, my core, if you will, is all dad. I talk like him. I act like him. I have “the look.”[sup]TM[/sup] Sis and I have trademarked “the look” as our little joke. Well, that and my pretending to throw up when I’m around her which always cracks us up. I think I’ve told the story of that before.

It’s rainy here today. Gonna be all day. Work is on a main road, so I expect to hear brake squealing and car crunches throughout the day. Lots of people around here are just idjits about driving in any kind of inclement weather. :rolleyes:

Happy Monday Cool Kids!

ETA: Congrats BibKitty on the job and passing Fire1!

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That’s an amazing OP, rosie! You’ve talked about losing your sister before and the OP makes it clear why she was so important to you.

I’m another one who has to think about her biggest influence. I’ll be back later. Congrats on the job and the certification, BibKitty!

Sorry about your mom’s friend, Nava. I agree that calling her a lot will be good medicine.

Gotta go to work…why is that? I wanna be independently wealthy!!!

GT

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Yay - BookKitty! My older nephew started out as an ambulence driver, and kept taking courses and moved up thru paramedic, EMT, Certified Trainer, and is now being scouted by drug companies to be their sales rep! So you can go very far in the field without having a medical degree.

gt - to be independently wealthy, one must win the lottery, otherwise one is dependent, at the very least, on one’s employer. Which is what I am, therefore I will see you all tonight.

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How lovely, rosie. Thank you for sharing that with us.

I remember people who had influence, but no long-term role models. Boys I had crushes on don’t count :D. The person who had the most influence over me is probably my mother. I inherited her sense of humour directly, but although I admire her, I decided fairly early on that there were many things I didn’t want to emulate.
It’s morning, I’m up, and I’m going to go do the laundry, and then go to work. That’s how I know it’s a Monday- laundry and work.

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Congrats on the new job, BookKitty - being less financially attached to someone else is always good, makes you feel so much better about yourself.

'im indoors is starting his new job next Monday, so he’ll not only be 'im outdoors, he’ll also be 'im in Wigan. I hope he’s looking forward to it as much as I’m looking forward to having the house to myself during the week!

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Speaking of lotteries… I bought a Big Game ticket Friday night. First time in forever and it was on a whim. I got a quick pick. I didn’t win cause I’m at work this morning. :smiley:

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Somewhat related, my best bad influence is going into hospital today for a scan, it looks like her brain tumour has come back for the 3rd time.

We met at our swimming club when I was 11 and she was 16. I was a weird kid and she was amused by me, and kept me around for entertainment. She had more than a smidge of the sociopathic about her. She was the first person to introduce me to sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll, and got me drunk and high on a fairly regular basis. She got the qualifying time for the Commonwealth Games and could have been a decent swimmer but she got bored, dropped out of everything and spent her days telling me who to date and getting stoned. When I was 15 her parents gave up and sent her to live with an aunt in Australia, and even though I knew our friendship was a bit screwed up I was still devastated.

That was when she got diagnosed with a brain tumour for the first time. Her doctors managed to take it out but had to remove her pituitary gland as well, making her gain massive amounts of weight. Since then it has come back a few times, although hasn’t spread anywhere else yet. She says she is getting tired, and doesn’t want any more chemo, so I suspect this will be it.