My Husband Has Bladder Cancer [sad update]

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Broomstick, I’m so sorry to hear this! It does sound like you’re very proactive and that’s a great help. He’s so lucky to have you as an advocate, and from experience, I’m sure he’s grateful beyond words. I know I was with my caregivers.

I had a complicated cancer with major abdominal surgery a few years ago so I have a few things I hope might be helpful.

First of all, he’s going to become dependent on his pain meds. He probably already is, he just can’t tell because of everything else going on in his body. Some of the pain he experiences may actually be from withdrawal. I became dependent on my pain meds and while quitting cold turkey was a miserable week, it was so much better than dealing with pain for months. I didn’t know it at the time, but there are medications to help ease the dependency which in hindsight I would’ve discussed with my oncologist. I’m still kind of pissed he didn’t prescribe them for me at the time. Dependency isn’t addiction. You might ask one of your husband’s doctors to talk with him about it.

I’d had abdominal surgery and my pain medication was Dilaudid. One of the symptoms of withdrawing from it is abdominal pain. Lovely. :rolleyes: But like I said, it was over pretty fast and it had been worth it. I’m fine now, not dependent or addicted to anything, and haven’t been since I got off the Dilaudid.

He will most likely become constipated with the pain meds, a horribly painful constipation that isn’t like run-of-the-mill lack of fiber constipation. Please ask his doctors about a stool softener and/or Miralax if he’s not already on something.

As far as food, I was referred to a dietician and she said cancer patients never get enough protein. She wanted me to get at least 60 grams a day. Does your husband like smoothies? You can make yogurt, protein powder and frozen fruit smoothies for him. I couldn’t stand anything that wasn’t bland and most protein powders are strongly flavored. But I found this one to be palatable:

Jarrow Unflavored Whey Protein Powder

It has a mild, malt-like flavor.

My dietician also recommended baby food. Of course, my reaction wasn’t good, but in desperation, I tried it and after adding a little bit of salt it wasn’t bad at all. I needed bland, and baby food is nothing but. I also ate a lot of cottage cheese prepared in various ways involving fruit, stevia and sometimes a blender. It has quite a bit of protein.

There’s some literature claiming cancer feeds on sugar, so I tried to avoid it.

I hope there’s something here that may help the both of you. My best wishes, and please do let us know how it’s going.

22

Broomstick, there just aren’t words.

I wish you both the best and I’m looking forward to the day when you can post that he has Kicked Cancer’s ASS!!!

23

I’m so sorry, and I can’t speak to bladder cancer. I’ve got esophageal cancer, and I, too, was concerned about narcotic dependence, but the nurses and doctors, and my daughter have finally convinced me to stay ahead of the game. Stay comfortable. It’s much harder to try to play catch-up every four hours or six hours because I was stingy taking what I needed.

So see if you can get him to take what he needs to be comfortable, and to not worry right now about dependence.

I’m sorry you and your husband are going through this.

24

I am really sorry to hear this news if your husband is very unsteady on his feet a walker would be better for him . This will help with his balance more than a cane.
Some walkers have a seat so if your husband feel that he need to sit down right away this will keep him from falling. Have you thought of having a health aide coming if you have to go out ?

25

Really sorry about this, Broomstick.

26

Broomstick, I’m a noob and don’t know you at all except through your excellent posts, so I feel a little self-conscious in this thread. Nevertheless, I wanted to add my best wishes and hopes for the journey ahead for you and your husband. I hope for the best possible news.

I agree with Helena330 that he is lucky to have you as an advocate and caregiver.

27

I kinda-sorta have someone now (he’s taking care of some trips to the doctor I can’t, as the spouse shouldn’t be driving now). Unfortunately, Respite has his own problems - he ripped the lower tendon of his biceps completely out of his bone. He’s had the surgery to re-attach it and put the rope back on the pulley, so to speak, but we have to work around his PT at the moment. Even so, that will become less and less of a concern with time, and as Respite is self-employed and has little work until April or May that should help for a bit.

Otherwise… that’s a tough one. He has no family we want anything to do with in any way (seriously, when the father in law was dying of bone cancer some of these yahoos were caught stealing his pain meds). A lot of my family has died off in the past decade. We have some friends, but many are distant, some either can’t drive or lack cars…

I’ve been speaking with the case managers involved with his care about this. My insurance does have a contract with a transportation agency to get him to and from appointments. Respite care if he needs someone with him might be more difficult, but I’m working on it.

The fact you’re still here is actually very helpful! And hopeful!

Yep, I expect so - he started having problems just before Thanksgiving and he’s been more on pain meds than off. Having both medical issues in the family and having worked at a clinic that did a lot of addiction treatment I understand the distinction between “addict” and “physical dependence”. I’m not worried about it. He is. I just have to get him to relax about that particular worry and worry about something else.

I ask about the ease-the-withdrawal stuff - see, that’s the sort of thing I’m hoping to find out about.

[quote[He will most likely become constipated with the pain meds, a horribly painful constipation that isn’t like run-of-the-mill lack of fiber constipation. Please ask his doctors about a stool softener and/or Miralax if he’s not already on something.[/quote]

Already there and already on generic Miralax. Although he’s consitpated things are still moving along, just v e r y s l o w l y…

He can’t stand yogurt. He does, however, like chocolate shakes so I’ve stocked up on Glucerna. I’ve also been getting a small amount of real food into him (eggs and toast today, half a sub sandwich over the course of a day yesterday, etc.). His weight loss has been halted for now and he’s holding steady. For now.

I was wondering about that. It also comes in very small portions as well, so we can make just what he’ll eat and he doesn’t have to feel bad about wasting food or money.

He’s diabetic, we’re always trying to limit it. (The one upside is that with so much weight loss is diabetes is under much better control. Except for those two hypoglycemic episodes but he caught them quickly and he’s checking his sugar about 8 times a day now)

Oh, yes - very much.

Again, thanks everyone for the good wishes, they are appreciated.

28

So very sorry. We lost my brother in law to aggressive bladder cancer four years ago.

I wish I had helpful, hopeful things to say, but it really sucked. May he have a better prognosis and respond better.

29

Damn.

{{Broomstick & husband}}

30

My daughter bought me a walker with a seat (I have skipped the intermediate step of a cane), and I find that sometimes I have to sit down just walking from the bedroom to the kitchen. I highly recommend it.

I also have a health aide come in twice a week. She helps me get clean, which makes me feel better than I thought it would, throws a couple of loads of laundry in, does some light vacuuming, and in general cheers me up. I feel like I need to make a little bit of an effort on the days she is here, and I have found that is also good for me.

31

I’m so very sorry to hear of this. Wishing you and him the best possible treatment outcomes.

32

I wish you all the best in the world.

I lost a good male friend(76) just this past year to bladder cancer. He said that his oncologist told him that 90% of bladder cancer sufferers are male and 75% 0f them were lifelong smokers. I may be making up the percentages somewhat, but the jist is real. Was your husband a smoker? Guess that is just curiosity on my part.

33

{{{Broomstick and husband}}}

Wishing you all the best of good luck. My father had bladder cancer when he was about 81. Fortunately, he was diagnosed at an early stage, and surgery, chemo, and radiation took care of it. He has not had a recurrence, and is 93 years old now. He never smoked, but is diabetic.

One thing I found helpful is to record conversations with doctors and other health care providers. You are often emotionally upset during these conversations, and sometimes have trouble later remembering what was said. Or interpret a sentence one way at the time, and interpret it differently later. Having a recording lets you double and triple check everything. Lots of phones have built in recording apps these days, but you can find cheap one in discount stores, too.

For both you and for your respite transport person, have something good to read during those long hours in waiting rooms at the oncology centers, for before and during the chemo and radiation and whatever other appointments you have do endure. During the months of my father’s treatments, I read at least 15 of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld books, and will always be grateful to him for those books. If you can find something that tickles you, that doesn’t require too much concentration but that takes you out of everything for a while, it’s a kind of respite in place.

Again, the best of good luck to you both.

34

my best wishes and prayers for you and your husband, Broomstick

When my (now-ex) husband was undergoing cancer treatment, the two things I could consistently get him to eat were peanut butter milkshakes (vanilla ice cream, peanut butter and enough milk to make a good consistency) and cheesecake.

samclem, one of the reasons I quit smoking was when a dear friend of mine was diagnosed with bladder cancer and told me of the relationship between bladder cancer and smoking,

35

I’m very sorry to hear it. All I can really contribute is that some people find acupuncture helpful for general physical health and pain management. Wishing both of you the best.

36

Damn, Broomstick. Ya’ll can’t catch a break. Your husband is so lucky to have you, though.

37

Broomstick, while I have no experience, advice, or wisdom to share with you, please know that the both of you are in our thoughts. While I don’t know if you ascribe to the belief that prayers can help even in the worst of storms, I do, and I’m sending them up as fast and often as I can.

38

Like many others, I have no experiences to help with your questions, but wish both you and Mister Broomstick a speedy prognosis and a trouble-free treatment into remission.

kam

39

So sorry to hear this, Broomie. Best of luck to you and the spouse. Here’s hoping that things go smoothly for you.

40

Really sorry to hear this Broomstick. Your Husband has gone through a lot over the years. You both deserve a break.

I have a friend who just went through this. Chemo, radiation, and bladder removal. She’s cancer free now but it was an ordeal. Hope everything works out.

A support group might be helpful to you for information on available treatments and what to expect.