My Jerry Springer dilemma..

Although by all appearances I’m a somewhat feminine male, age 28, I have believed myself to be truly female since age 4. I don’t know why this happened, but it did. I don’t really expect people to understand this problem on a gut level, because that seems hard to do unless you’ve gone through it yourself. The cause of this condition is thought to be hormonal imbalances in the womb, and the only treatment known to mental health professionals is a sex change operation.

Now the complication is that I am married to a woman who knows and knew about my condition before we hitched, but who cannot stay with me if I pursue a sex change. She’s more than willing to see me as a galfriend, but not a lover since she’s straight.

Now I love her very much, so I don’t know what to do. It seems a terrible tradeoff to have to lose a great love to pursue the identity I’ve always thought I should have. But trying to keep that love means living with the dull ache of being in the wrong sex. Any wisdom for me?

Yes. I have an old school-friend, Lynn Hubschman, who works at the Gender Identity Clinic at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital, in Philadelphia. I don’t know where you are, but see if you can look them up on the internet and get in touch with them (ask for Lynn and tell her I recommended you, she’s a great gal).

I’d also recommend the book of another friend of mine (hey, I get around!), “Conundrum,” the autobiography of Jan Morris, the transgendered travel writer.

Best of luck, dear.