More school lunacy. We decided not to homeschool little miss due to socialization reasons - now this. :mad: She came home yesterday with a giant scratch by her eye and twisted up glasses. Sounds like the only thing she did to provoke the attack was to be too far away from the recess teachers and to try to get away (she shoved a kid trying to get through the line of bullies). She didn’t tell a teacher and tried to hide it from me, even. Of course, by the time any adult was informed, school was closed and we descended upon it anyway, finding only the poor art teacher to see the damage. I bent her glasses back to a facsimile of normal, calmed my mother tiger instincts to go find the little sociopath that had done this to my child (or calling his parents), and took a picture of the scratch.
Today I will talk to the principal. I’m not sure what to do beyond having the school assign a teacher to make sure little miss stays close. I don’t think she will voluntarily stay near teachers at recess for a minute.
:mad: I hate the kid who did this
:mad: I hate his parents, for now anyway
:mad: I hate public schools for this bizarre culture of violence they seem to spawn
:mad: I’m mad at myself for not homeschooling her, although she insists that she will get through this
:mad: I’m mad at myself for wanting to be a superhero and fly in at recess to open a can of whoop-ass on the little bullies.
:mad: I will now remind myself that raising a kid through to adulthood is going to be way, way, way, harder than this. She’s 12. I’m an amateur.
:mad: :mad: :eek:
And yes, I know fully well that my daughter made first physical contact, which was extremely wrong. We’ve already had a long talk about what she could do differently. But, it sounds as though she and her friend (two females) were all but surrounded by these guys and my girl felt as though running would just get her chased and tackled. She decided to shove and run as a tactic to get to safety, but it wound up becoming a trade off, where she got the bad end of things and got damaged. I understand she had some responsibility to make better choices, but she did not punch this kid like he did to her, and certainly seemed to have done the best she was capable of at the time.
Well, in any event, the enormity of my emotions notwithstanding, I’m going to the school and trying my best to make sure she is safe in school. And life will go on, but I hate this.
You do your children a grave disservice by overprotecting them. Hurting others and getting hurt, physically and emotionally, and into fights are essential parts of growing up and teaching children to cope in the real world. Unless it is happening repeatedly or the child is being directly harassed.
I agree with that. However, schools will often softpedal a bully problem, providing no protection to other children at all.
If this should happen repeatedly, document the incidents and file assault charges. This becomes such a nightmare for the parents of the bully and the school that the problem might be addressed then.
You seriously think it ‘essential to hurt others to grow up’?
What about torturing animals? Good for you?
Gang of bullies demanding money? Good for you?
Using a weapon in a street fight? Good for you?
Mugging pensioners? Good for you?
A teacher standing by while one child hurts another? Good for you?
It’s not essential, but it is a part of growing up that isn’t necessarily damaging and can definitely be very beneficial. As long as it is handled right. Bullies should definitely be dealt with, and those kids that get singled out for teasing should be protected. But at the same time those singled out kids need to learn to stand up for themselves and deal with these kinds of situations - in this case, go to a teacher could be a good option. Who knows later on they might end up in an abusive relationship and will realise that seeking help in such circumstances is a more useful thing to do than learning to accept or avoid such a situation, and under extreme circumstances, or maybe even learn to stand up for themselves (learning self-defense techniques can increase confidence, and an increased confidence is good for many things).
Social interaction, including the dealing with the more problematic aspects of it, are essential skills typically learnt very well at school that will help being a successful member of society later on. After all, work isn’t always that different.
I was mostly addressing the boy (bully) ggurl hates. And as a parent, but more important a former child, of course I do mean that. Learning that you can hurt others and that they’ll get sad and upset and you’ll fell bad is part of growing up and create emotionally well rounded people.
Getting hurt on the other hand is just part of life. Not specifically addressing the OP, but children must learn how to deal with getting hurt themselves and not expect grown-ups to come and sort everything out at the least sight of trouble. Creating risk-free child environments and oppressive parental supervision robs the children of this opportunity and all you wind up with are emotionally stunted children.
But of course, everything in moderation.
Oh man. I think gang-rape should be on the curriculum.
When Carey Martin, the preacher’s son, blacked my eye in the first grade, just because he could, I learned a valuable lesson, that there are aggressive people in the world and we need to remain vigilant. It is essential that we learn how to deal with aggressors early and effectively (don’t go tell). When I got home, Dad teased me and it made me mad. He would tease me about getting my eye blacked by the preacher’s son as long as I could remember, it made me more assertive (not a p#ssy). It’s a “dog eat dog” world out there and the sooner we learn to stand up for ourselve, the better off we are. We learn some of our best lessons when life bites us on the ass.
I’m curious, how do homeschooled children learn anything about the world? I suspect many of them are eatan alive when they try to get a job or find a companion or any of the things we have to leave home to do.
By: Hara Estroff Marano
Summary: Parents are going to ludicrous lengths to take the bumps out of life for their children. However, parental hyperconcern has the net effect of making kids more fragile; that may be why they’re breaking down in record numbers.*
Total overreaction by the OP, especially considering, from the sounds of it, like she pushed a kid first.
I got punched when I was a kid (among tons of other things) and I punched other kids. They’re such minor blips on the “life radar” I wouldn’t even worry about it.
I’m not going to go so far as to say it’s GOOD for kids, but I wouldn’t sweat it, either.
I understand that for kiddoes this age, karate lessons are wonderful. I haven’t taken any myself, but the benefits are more about self confidence than being able to inflict pain on other people, I’m told.
Twelve year olds know better than to punch anyone in the face, much less the face of someone wearing glasses. Nail the bully to the wall this time, had the cops been called, he’d have been in graver trouble.
Were you a bully as a kid? It’s because of twisted viewpoints like this that I was fucked up PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY by sociopaths who messed with my head and my body for their own sick pleasure. You tell a seven year old child who needs a psychologist that abuse from their peers is for their own good.
I was bullied (hideously, though not physically) through middle school. Go to a teacher? Nothing happened. Go to my parents? They’d go the principal, who did nothing.
I was one of the targets. I can’t see one good thing it possibly did for me, except convince me that nobody would ever like me or want me around. I’ve pretty much quit believing that, but for years, it was horrible.
There is a world of difference between occasional harassment or teasing or whatever and full-out abuse by peers. I hope the people saying “it’s good for them” realize that.
The “it builds character!” stance on school-yard fights may have been valid in the past, but bullying is much more predetorial and personal these days. It’s hard to ask “well, what does the other guy look like?” when the other guy likely has an armed posse standing beside him.
Go to the police about it if the school will do nothing, that was full out assault, and not just a knuckle punch on the bicep, your daughter could have been seriously injured, blinded. Don’t put up with that shit. When the attack clearly was meant to seriously injure, draw the line and don’t back down.
It’s a shame this happened, but thank goodness your daughter isn’t retreating into the world of homeschool as a result. (I have encountered many emotionally stunted young adults who were the product of homeschool.) I would say though that you should follow up, but be prepared that your daughter is going to be in trouble too. It’ll be worth it though if the child that hit her suffers consequences.
I think there is a world of difference between say upsetting a friend and bullying. I agree that we all need to learn how to cope with pain and not to inflict it on others. But your first post was abrupt, abrasive and sounded like you approved of violence.
In your ‘system’, does the first incident of bullying pass unnoticed? As a teacher, if a child nervously complains of being bullied, do you want me to say 'if it’s the first time, you’ve learnt a valuable lesson. Now go away."?
If I see a child hurting an animal, do I ignore it because it’s ‘essential to hurt others to grow up’?
You seem to have boundaries of ‘hurting others’ - shouldn’t you state them?
I accept that experiences like getting dirty, falling over and not getting picked for teams are useful. However I also believe that hurting others can lead to a violent anti-social adult.
What? Calling the police on a school yard ruffle? Talk about a sentence that flies in the face of the sig line!
Naw. But I’m catching up on it. Anyway you must have missed this line: “But of course, everything in moderation.” and this I guess: ”Unless it is happening repeatedly or the child is being directly harassed.” So how do you think your own experience which was obviously of the harassment type applies to this single incident? Unless ggurl will come back and say her daughter is being bullied repeatedly. But perhaps you’re also one of those who think tag, cartwheels & softball should be outlawed in the schoolyard? http://www.bridges4kids.org/articles/8-04/SacBee8-22-04.html#top I mean the children can hurt themselves. Who will think of the children?! Yeah, who the fuck think of the goddamn kids!
:mad: :eek: