My kid got hit at school.

The BBQ Pit
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You seem to think that rape is somehow much, much worse than being beat up daily, ostracized, teased, and being made the butt of cruel jokes. It is not. Being held down while they put nightcrawlers in my hair, until I was so frantic that four boys older than me could not hold me down was worse. The advice on how to deal with the situation haunts me as much as the actual torment. I remember trying my best not to cry out because many adults said they only tormented me because I screamed. I caused it all by screaming. So when the kids started with the names, I ignored them, then on to the spitting and hitting and I ignored them. As the hitting got worse, I curled up and then they started kicking me and finally after several kicks in the back, and head, and sides, I cried and they continued until I screamed. It did not stop until the bell ring. They seemed to take satisfaction in a job well done. I heard, “That’ll teach her!” as they left for class.

Oh, by the way, I did not fight back, because by then I knew from experience the only one who would get into trouble for fighting was me. I would be made to sit in a desk in the hall while all the other kids filed past to go to recess. And the kids would hit me and spit on me and say unbearable things to me. Then principal said he would paddle me if I ever fought again. He had big paddles with holes in them and I did not want to be beat by him.

Oh, and I could not run away, they were faster and if I climbed out of their reach, I would be punished by the teachers. This happened until the teachers involved the principal who I was afraid of.

Oh, and I told my teachers, and my mother, and my grandparents, and no one stepped in to stop it. They only complained when my shoes were stolen and dragged through the mud. They were expensive shoes. They bought into the “she needs to learn how to deal with it herself.” school of thought.

The torment started in first grade, and continued until I moved from that school after third grade. The kids would think of new ways to hurt me as I learned to deal with the old torments. In the weeks before raping me, they started by stealing various bits of my clothing, and either just hiding it, or dragging it through the mud. I got in trouble several times for being late in from recess because I was looking for my clothing and getting dressed.

I know from hard experience that what starts out as kids teasing can lead to far worse if it is not stopped early. I don’t think about this everyday, but I do speak up to let others know that they do need to make damn sure this kind of thing does not happen to their children.

I also have post traumatic stress disorder. It manifests in an exaggerated startle response and sometime in flashbacks. And I can’t allow anyone to touch my sides near my back. I don’t believe there are any drugs or counselling that will stop these symptoms. It is not something that is triggered often and does not usually enter my thoughts, but every once in a while some asshole will think it cute to sneak up behind me and grab my ribs and then I have a flashback.

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Yeah, I remember being informed that it was all my fault because I reacted.

And I didn’t fight back because by the time it all started, they were all waaaaay bigger than me. Otherwise, maybe I’d have tried. It would have been hopeless if I had, though. I’m very very small. I think for that reason it never turned into serious physical abuse, but if it had, I’d have been in real trouble. Not that I wasn’t, but nobody seemed to care enough to do anything.

Teasing would have been one thing. One or two people being assholes…well, it wouldn’t have been fun, but I bet I could have recruited some friends to help. But it was the whole fucking school. I was the school scapegoat. For three years. I’d like to see anybody go through that and not be affected later.

Hell, I still avoid crowds of kids that look to be middle-school age. I think part of me is afraid they’re going to turn on me, since I was never given the chance to expect anything else. And they’re still a lot bigger than me. (I’m 4’2".)

163

That would have to be one hell of a punch. A good kick might do it, but fortunately most people don’t or can’t kick that hard and that high. Still, anyone who would bash someone in the face for no good reason is an asshile, no matter what age they are. The fact that no bones were crushed or no eyes fell out does not make it OK. A simple bloody nose hurts like hell too.

It was an interesting observation in school that the “tough guys” made sure to not fight each other, and instead singled out someone who couldn’t threaten them. I had occasional problems myself, until the day I knocked out our local star footbal player. After that the “tough guys” left me alone. My hand throbbed for days after that, but his head hurt worse :wink:

164

A punch could break the glasses, sending glass (lenses) into the eye area, not to mention sharp pokey broken frames. (Even if the lenses are plastic, I’d wager the edges could still possibly cut if driven by a punch into the face.) My statement still is correct, whether the lenses shatter, or not. YOU took it to mean breaking the lenses, but I was saying “glass” as in a glass object. Is my meaning less obscure to you now?

165

If I’m given a choice between having nightcrawlers put in my hair or being sexually violated, I’m going with the nightcrawlers every time. Obviously YMMV.

If you’re posting on an internet message board, odds are good that at some point in your life you were bullied (myself included). If advice on how to “deal with it” haunts you, I suggest you take a break from such topics on message boards.
[sub]and shattered glasses can cause serious pancreas damage.[/sub]

166

Don’t involve the police until you’ve talked to the boy’s parents. Give them the opportunity to discipline the boy and make financial amends to you for the glasses. If the parents are assholes about everything, then maybe you ought to call a cop, but be aware of how things work in the world today.

The juvenile "justice " system isn’t geared toward just a stern and scary warning from a cop the first time and arrest if the cop has to come back. SOP these days is arrrest on first complaint, investigation of the kid’s home life by nosey social workers, countercharges (which Social Services MUST, by law harass you over) that your kid’s homelife is rotten too, the tremendous hassle of court. You get the idea.

Before you make a huge mess of yours and your daughter’s lives life as well as the boy’s and his parents’ lives, talk to the parents. Preferably in the presence of the school principal.

167

Word up, Stranger. I wasn’t bullied to any significant extent, but some kids did pick on me at random times. Nothing big at all, just flicks to the ear as they passed, trying to trip me, etc. In art class, I was walking with a scissors and was tripped by one. I lost it. I essentially stabbed the guy in the arm, though fortunately it was a glancing blow that only drew a little blood. It was made a big deal and sure as hell no one there ever picked on me again, but it did contribute to me becoming a bit of an outcast until high school.

Not really an ideal solution there, especially considering that waiting until the bullied one “snaps” is not always going to end up well. Heck, all I was thinking about at that moment was wanting to hurt or kill the guy who tripped me. If that scissors had gone in somewhere else… Or like the kid Andy in San Diego, it all may be resolved with a gun and some dead bodies.

I understand wanting kids to grow up and learn to deal with their problems, but sometimes you’ve got to step in there and at least guide them. Intervene only as the absolute last resort is something I agree with, though.

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Your right, my mistake. Sorry for the stupid comments and the hijack. I did take it to mean glass shards and I must have either inserted that into the meaning myself, or read it from somebody elses comment. Either way, I get your point now. Again, I am sorry.

169

You’re, rather. :smack: