I heard an NPR story about how a mother came to discover her 12yo daughter was being sexually abused by her gymnastics teacher. The daughter is now an attorney specializing in sexual abuse cases. It was an empowering and worthy story.
But I was left rather aghast at the family’s dedication to gymnastics. The daughter was homeschooled from the age of 8 so she could practice gymnastics up to 9 hours a day! This strikes me as a kind of abuse unto itself. The mom said that her daughter said she really wanted to be in the Olympics so they did everything possible to make it so. (My parents would have laughed at me – “when pigs fly you can quit second grade and practice flips all day”).
How common is it for parents to do this for/to a kid? Are folks like this outliers?
I would not say it’s common, but there seems to be no end to the crazy stuff some parents will do in order to have their kid pursue their athletic dream. Yes, I am talking about the parents’ athletic dream. I have heard about families uprooted so their kid can play football year-round in Texas. Families moving to another city so their kid can train at a specific gymnastics camp. Spending thousands on trainers. Training taking place of schooling, as per the OP example. The 9-hour days seem to fit this mindset. You never know - little Jonny won a couple of races - he may become the next Michael Phelps!
OTOH, when we watch the Olympics we see what appear to be well-rounded young athletes competing on the world stage, but I bet many of them had a childhood focused on training and not doing pretty much anything else. And I am sure there are hundreds, if not thousands, who have put in the time and did not make the team. It’s not surprising to see how emotional and disappointed people get if they are not selected - they literally have spent their whole life getting ready for the one opportunity. The parents have a lot riding on this, too.
Taylor Swift’s parents moved to Nashville when she was a teen so she could pursue music. Other parents have packed up and moved their kids to NYC or Hollywood. It isn’t just sports parents.
You have a kid with an interest and drive and talent. As a parent you decide if you want to pursue that as far as it will go. If you want a Taylor Swift or an Ally Raisman, and especially with the Olympic atheletes, you put a lot of effort into it young. You don’t go to the Olympics because you seriously started ice skating when you were eighteen after screwing around on the ice on Saturdays growing up.
I remember parents who pursued sports in part because “my kid will get a full ride to college.” They often put far more money into the sport than they would have needed to save for college - and full ride athletic scholarships don’t drop from trees.
Oh, and it isn’t just sports or arts - parents and kids start grooming young for Ivy League schools as well. I know its not Ivy, but the likely valedictorian of my daughters class has been groomed for MIT since before kindergarten. He couldn’t play sports, it conflicted with math league. His Summers were spent at math camp and robotics camp. His mother had him starting Calculus in middle school - he took AP Calc as a Freshman in high school. They are pretty middle class people - otherwise I’m sure he would have been enrolled at a private school. I’ve seen much much worse from people with incomes to afford to pursue “Ivy at All Cost”
In my mid-20’s (that is, circa 1975) I took up ice skating, just for the fun and recreation of it. There were certainly lots of young children, mostly female, always there practicing their asses off. Occasionally there were local mini-competitions (or maybe mock- or practice-competitions) where they skated and the instructors judged them.
Some of those kids (or their parents) sure seemed to be taking it seriously. The kids sometimes seemed to be under enormous pressure (whether self-imposed or parent-imposed, I could never tell), and a lot of kids whose performance wasn’t absolutely perfecto ended up in tears.
I don’t know if these were 9-hours-a-days pressure cooker kids – probably not nearly that extreme mostly – but geez, they sure didn’t appear to be there just for the fun of it!
My kids were high achievers, but honestly I found it hard to keep them awake for a 9 hr. stretch. I certainly didn’t pressure them academically. I asked them to try to do their best. And I rewarded them for good grades and behaviour.
I wish I had done something like, or my parents had, (but nothing like that extreme!) when I was a teen-ager.
I’ve made no secret on this board that I’m into flying sailplanes; I’ve mentioned it often.
I got interested when I was 15. So my parents took me out to the local gliderport (this place, in Hawaii) for a glider ride.
Fast forward about 10 years: At age of 25, and reasonably well-employed, I decided to take lessons. I did that for a couple of years, then suddenly got interested in other stuff (the above-discussed ice skating) and drifted away from gliding. Of all the stupid choices I’ve made in life, this is the one I’ve most kicked myself in the butt over for the next 40 years.
Fast forward another 40 years: On a sudden whim, I suddenly got back into it. It’s harder at my age now, not to mention that I’m retired and living on a skimpy budget.
If I had started way back when, and stuck with it, I could have spent the last 40 or even 50 years flying gliders, and had lots of interesting experiences at it. My fantasy now (and it will likely always be just a fantasy) is to get into glider aerobatics. Forty years ago, that would have been a very plausible possibility. I doubt I’ll ever be able to get there now.
The NPR interviewee obviously has done well, getting a law degree and going in to practice.
I wonder how many kids uber-pushed by sports/academics parents end up as well-rounded adults? I was really skeeved out by the homeschooling (no daily learning and socializing with peers) and working out from 5am-11am and 4pm-9pm. That’s a brutal daily schedule for a kid (well, IMHO, for anyone).
The daughter experienced two years of abuse from her coach and was afraid if she told it would ruin their family, since everyone’s heart/soul/time/money had been poured into her “career.” Um, 12yo kids shouldn’t have a career.
My step brother is an amazing athlete and got breathtakingly close to playing for the Steelers or Eagles. Fortunately he took college academics as seriously as he did football and went on to a very successful business career When the NFL dream didn’t happen. The odds of making the Olympics are, I would guess, smaller than those of making the NFL, NBA, etc.
I listened to that NPR story today, and did not think “omigod! Abusive parents.” Rather, I thought it was great that parents were supportive of a child’s desire to excel.
Let’s face it … if you want to reach championship levels in sports or music, you probably have to have insane focus from an early age. If that is what the CHILD wants, then I salute parents who are willing to help their child.
For 98% of us, it doesn’t make sense. But I wouldn’t presume to criticize the very few kids/parents who can focus on a dream and work to achieve it.
I saw a story in my local paper a few days ago about a girl who was in 7th or 8th grade who had already signed to a college softball team. :dubious: And if she loses interest, or is injured, or whatever, in the meantime?
Anyway, I have heard that having a prodigy in the family can have the same effect on siblings and a marriage as things like cancer or Down Syndrome. I believe it, too.
