When I was just out of high school and working at the first vet I ever worked at, they had a clinic cat named the Amazing Flying Pedro. Pedro was a Snowshoe Siamese (looked like a siamese except he had white toes) and was definitely in the running for the World’s Most Brainless Cat. One day I was giving a bath to a sedated Persian, which involved keeping the cat from a) drowning from sticking its head under the water, or b) climbing up the front of me because it wanted to be held. Cat really wasn’t that big but with all the fur it weighted about 50 pounds wet. I’m leaning over the tub making sure all the soap is out so the cats skin doesn’t get irritated when I feel a distinct pat on my butt. I turn around - no one in the room but me, the persian and Pedro asleep in his kennel. Little sucker patted my butt three times before I was able to catch him at it.
Perhaps you typed “died” because you were thinking of the latest edition of The Onion.
yeesh
gotta wonder how much of the Onion is made up and how much is actual stories found in the back pages of local papers, then edited for effect
Whee! Kitty stories!
OK, I’ll share mine. Hazel is our little attention hog. She crawls under the covers with us, gets on our shoulders, nuzzles, and gives kisses. Pixel also gives kisses–usually on the nose–and demonstrated that trait on the day we picked him up from the Humane Society. India is very shy, but she’ll come running over so she can bump her rear end against our legs–and then scoot away when we try to pet her. Nubia is our oldest kitty, and she’s a little more dignified. But she has the loudest purr I’ve ever heard, and she usually starts purring in anticipation of petting and attention. She also sleeps on Mr. m’s hip every night.
I remember when my cat Fluffy was still alive, about seven months before she died, she got really sick, wasn’t eating, etc. So we took her to the vet for surgery to take out some teeth (turned out she had several bad ones, on top of a bad cold, so that accounted for the not eating). I was just sick and sobbing and so afraid of losing her, and I went upstairs to lie down and Misty, who was just a kitten at the time, climbed up next to me, started purring and licking my face. It’s almost as if she knew I needed some comfort.
My cat Fatboy used to climb up on my pillow and stretch out so that one paw was on top of my head and one was under my chin. Then he’d “pat” me on the head and do that deep, unblinking alien brainwashing stare at me. All while purring loudly. 90% of the time it seemed like a very sweet gesture. The other 10% of the time, he’d lie there quietly for a couple of minutes and then do that sudden “Oh my God, I MUST jump off the bed and race at top speed down the hall as if they hounds of hell were at my very heels!” thing and dig his paws into my face on take-off. 
EEKK!!
She was trying suck the breath out of you!!
My Siamese girl will stroke my cheek or arm with her paw when she wants to be petted. When I pick her up, sometimes she puts one front leg on either side of my neck, and then presses her cheek next to mine. She can make a vocalization that sounds like “Mama”. She did this once accidentally, and I fussed over her and told her what a VERY smart kitty she was. She did it again, and learned that I’d give her all sorts of attention for that making that sound. She’ll call anyone “Mama”, I believe that when she says it, she means “Give me food or love.” She’s startled visitors by saying “Mama” at them. She gives kisses on occasion. When she’s feeling a bit chilly, she’ll lie down next to my husband on the couch, and paw at the blanket that he’s wrapped up in. This is his cue to cover her up. This cat KNOWS about cause and effect, and how to manipulate her human servants.
The grey tabby and white boy loves to headbutt in order to announce his presence. He’s the only cat in this house who does headbutts.
when i was in grade school i had two Siamese - Si (Simon) and Am (Ambrose). Am died still a kitten from a respiratory ailment, so we got another kitten to keep Si(mon) company, and named it Garfunkle. Garf had a parasite and had to be put down. We decided Simon should be an only. He lived 9 years until he got cat lukemia. BUT he could talk. He could say “mom”, “mama”, “no”, “g’down” when we told him to get off the counter, he called my name when I went to sleepaway camp, he called to be let out “ou’! ou’!” when we shut him in the bedroom while we brought in the groceries (he was a house cat - we’d had him fixed and declawed) All in all his vocabulary of human sounds was quite extensive
My Emma will sometimes, when sitting on my lap, look lovingly up at me and gently paw my face. I swear she’s trying to pet me.
My cat Lilo sits on my daughter’s bunk bed and looks out the bedroom window. When she sees an animal walk by, she’ll race into the living room, jump on top of the TV armoire, leap through the blinds of the window behind the armoire and sit on the window sill to get a better view. The blinds in the living room are made of aluminum and so far seem unharmed from her constant leaping through.
She also likes to sit in the bathtub after someone has taken a shower. She lets the faucet drip on her paw and then licks the water off.
Smokey, as it turns out, is a Brush-Ho - she’ll do anything to be brushed, she’ll also drop whatever she’s doing: cleaning herself, chasing greeblings, staring into space. all i have to do is hold the brush up and she comes-a-runnin’, purring all the way
My youngest, Popeye, always greets us by getting up near our faces and sniffling loudly. I guess he does this to make sure we’re who he thinks we are since he only has one eye he can’t go by vision alone. It’s really cute until he sniffles in your ear in the middle of the night. If you walk up to him and start sniffing around his face he’lll do it right back. He also likes to greet us by scratching on our shoes.