When the recipe for Rice Krispy Treats says to use fresh marshmallows…they aren’t kidding. Two-year-old marshmallows do not melt well. There is now a blob of molten marshmallow in the trash, the cereal got poured back into the box, and the pan is soaking in the sink. Good thing I didn’t tell anyone who loves RKT’s that I was making them. And now I have a bag and a half of old, stale marshmallows.
So what simple kitchen task did you screw up lately?
Oh, I had two, count 'em two, crockpot disasters this weekend. One because the whole shebang burned (not enough water) and the other just didn’t seem to appetizing after it cooked. Six cheapo chicken breasts (which may have contributed to the problem) later, and I still have to cook something when I get home tonight. 
Put way too many halved brussels sprouts in a too-small pan to be steamed, and when the timer went off the entree had been done for a while and I didn’t want to hold the food back any longer. They’re still quite crunchy. At least my husband prefers his veggies on the raw side.
Oooh, almost forgot another one from a week or so back…though not mine, the cook in question was working under me. The recipe called for 1/3 cup of sweetened condensed milk. She just assumed it called for a whole can, even though the recipe was sitting right there, I’d left a 1/3 cup measure there for her to use…anyhow, the bar cookie she was making came out sort of…soupy!
I bragged on Facebook that I could make a mean beurre blanc.
Saturday, I made a buerre blanc to go with scallops for a Valentine’s day dinner. For the first time ever, it broke. Damn thing. I had the pan too hot.
Luckily I had all the stuff to make it again. But I will never brag of my cooking skills on Facebook ever again.
I burned a whole pan of steamed asparagus. I was watching the steaks on the grill outside, came back in and saw the pan was boiling, and turned down the wrong burner. I threw together a salad instead, but I wanted steamed asparagus, dammit!
(Steamed asparagus to me is simmering in a shallow pan in a 1/4" of water.)
I, also, had a crock pot disaster. I was making a chicken stew, and decided to sub rice for potatos (the better to freeze it). I accidentally used Arborio rice, which soaked up way more stock than I’d anticipated, and released tons of starch, too.
I ended up with “chunky risotto”. Maybe not a disaster, since it was still edible, but… odd. Really odd.
Mr. Neville set the toaster oven on fire last week. Evidently some gunk had gotten onto the heating element, and there was enough to set the crumbs in the bottom of the oven on fire. We managed to put the fire out and open the windows and turn on the fan, but the kitchen smelled for a couple of days after that. We got a new toaster oven this past weekend, so at least the economy got something positive out of it.
I once made bread with whole-wheat and rye flour, with no white flour in it to lighten it (I mistook the canister of wheat flour for white). It was actually not too bad, considering.
While cleaning, I accidentally bumped the switch from “bake” to “broil.”
Nice, bubbly cheese over raw meat. Yum.
Well I’m trying to learn how to cook actual meals and overall not doing bad. Until about a week ago when I tried to make Chicken Fricassee. Every time my mom made it, I remember it being thick and nice and yummy. Well…mine was all runny and liquidy. It SMELLED nice but I didn’t want to DRINK my fricassee. So I remembered hearing that corn starch thickened stuff up. Why, I happen to HAVE corn starch! So I just dumped about a cup of it straight into the pot and…well…
This is what resulted.
My mom, when she saw it, kindly informed me of the proper way of using corn starch. We DID try to eat it but…yeah… The picture was taken to show my grandmother how well I was doing in my cooking endeavors. 
Not this week, but I put macaroni in the microwave with no water. I had to throw out the plastic container. That was a lump of blackened ick.
I made cheesesteaks last night with a steak that had been in the fridge JUST a little too long. Result: tender meat, perfect onions and peppers, fabulous crusty rolls, beautifully melted cheese, and a bit of a rancid taste. Yuck – it all went in the trash.
My worst kitchen mistake in the last year was when I set my Ove Glove on fire. I have a flat ceramic cooktop and (after 4 years :rolleyes:) still need a mnemonic device to know which knob turns on which burner. Well I fucked up and turned the wrong knob and the Ove Glove was lying on the burner, and well . . . it burned. And smelled bad.
I made tuna salad with mayonnaise that was six months past its expiration date when I was 15. It tasted surprisingly not-too-bad, kind of like tuna salad made with Miracle Whip. I was sick for a month, though. I learned then that if something doesn’t taste like it’s supposed to, you probably shouldn’t finish eating it unless you have some idea why it doesn’t taste like it’s supposed to. Even if it doesn’t taste too bad.
Thank you for confirming our decision not to have a flat cooktop. We did it because you can’t make them kosher for Passover (for reasons I don’t really understand), but now I realize that it would be dangerous. We’d probably be doing something like this or shattering a Pyrex dish by putting it on a burner that is on once a week or so.