My letter to the Neutical corporation.

When are you going to develop utericles for female pets who lose that vital body part? You think they don’t miss them? Are you also campaigning to end the brutal practice of tail docking, ear trimming, and barbering various dogs? Don’t you understand how utterly traumatized a poodle is by having those beautiful curls cruelly sliced off? Are you the same folks that manufacture those little prosthetic fake nails for dogs whose owners clip or even (it makes me actually sick to my stomach to contemplate) declaw those poor helpless cats? Have you thought about manufacturing voice boxes for those poor debarked doggies? When I think of the myriad of human cruelties that humans inflict on our poor animal companions, and the Great Works that your wonderful company could do to remedy some of these atrocities, my heart is filled with warmth.
Please, please, don’t just stop with Neuticles! Let the healing continue!

Yours, an ardent animal lover, Carina MacDonald.

:rolleyes: Neuticals are fake testicles for dogs. You can read about them here:

This is the sort of thing that happens when I “work” out of my home. Good thing I usually have to actually leave my home to work!

I’m quite sure you’re not, but I just want to make sure you’re not really comparing spaying and neutering with barbaric practices like de-barking and the like. Because if you were I would have to spank you.

[sub]No, now it’s too late to change your mind and say you really were. But if you ask nicely I’ll spank you anyway.[/sub]

matt honey, you can spank me any time! (though I’m not sure I’m your type…)

You realise of course this letter was written etirely tongue in cheek. Or somewhere. :wink:

Very interesting. I’ve heard of Neuticles, but never read any information on them.

Wow, am I ever sorry I had my dogs neutered. I never realized how much I missed seeing that big nutsack swinging around.

So I guess that noise that sounds like Klick Klacks when he runs around the yard wouldn’t be a giveaway? And silly me, thinking that a canine nose wouldn’t be able to smell the fact that his balls were now plastic.
Hey! They even have neuticles for horses!

“Anybody seen the Nerf football?”

“Nope, but we’ve got these plastic horse balls we can toss around!”

I used to study wing chun kung fu. As it was a close-in style, the fighting stance involved keeping one’s knees close together to keep your opponent from kicking your testicles into high orbit. She actually got a pair of neuticles for the class first aid kit, and promised if anyone was seriously injured (in that particular way) they’d get the neuticles and a lifetime membership in Zero Population Growth. In time, rather than saying “Remember to keep the correct stance” she’d just say “Neuticles,” which was an extremely motivational reminder.

As for dogs, I’m sure crotch-sniffers can’t tell the difference between neuticles and the real thing, since the neuticles are entirely inside the scrotum.


If you do not attend the next Denver Doper Debauch, I for one, will be severely Put Out.

Heaven forfend. Just tell me when & where…unless I’m off discovering a new continent, I’ll be there!

Dire Wolf too funny!


Neuticals!! (made ya wince!)