My lousy birthday

I feel kinda silly putting this up, but it’s definitely mundane and pointless in the Grand Scheme of Things.

Background: About three and a half months ago, I moved from my family and my parents’ house in New Jersey clear across the country to be with my boyfriend in Tucson, Arizona. It’s certainly been an adjustment, but I think on the whole we’re doing okay. I get homesick sometimes, but it passes and things are all right or happy again.

Today was my 26th birthday. My boyfriend (should I call him Springroll or some kind of other cute nickname for the Dope?) had insisted upon giving me my birthday presents Saturday rather than today. I told him quite a bit in advance that he didn’t have to give me all my presents Saturday, because he said he got me more than one thing and I would like to open something on my actual birthday. He agreed, and saved a card and a small present for today. For what it’s worth, the present was tickets to a basketball game yesterday, which we both went to and had a good time.

Fast forward to today, my Real Live Birthday! I wake up at 4:30 am and go to work for about ten hours. I come home, and Springroll and I begin looking for a place to go out to eat. Now that I live on my own, I can’t afford my traditional birthday meal of crab because it isn’t in the budget. Instead, we decide on a buffet. I duck out to call my mom and sister, and during that conversation, a co-worker posts a birthday wish on my Facebook wall that was a bit over the line. Naturally, a fight ensued, I end up in tears and I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.

So, yeah. My birthday. No cards (nothing from my family came in the mail for me today), nothing to open, no cake, no dinner. I feel like a huge whiney hiney for writing this, but I just wanted to let out my disappointment in what was supposed to be a somewhat special day. I know I should have been more pro-active or something (gotten my own dang cake, gone out and gotten some kind of food alone, etc), but it’s kind of hard to do when you’re being sad about a rotten day.

Sorry for the length and the blogginess. I’m not usually like this, I swear. It’s like an ode to first world problems.

I hate it when that happens.

If I’d known it was your birthday, I’d have baked a cake, and delivered it to you.

I hope all of your future birthdays are spectacularly wonderful.

I worry that your boyfriend is holding you responsible for something a coworker posted on your FB page. You have no control over what other people post. I can’t believe your boyfriend would ruin your birthday because of something so petty. The fact that you think “naturally a fight ensued” is natural is just heart breaking. That’s NOT natural, that is crazy-behavior.

I would be livid and asking myself tough questions if this is the person for me. The right guy for me would make my birthday special. Not let me sleep on the couch, hungry.

Oh yeah, that too.

Well, I’m not gonna go hungry just because I didn’t go out to dinner. I’m not that spoiled that I would pout and not eat, there is food in the house. And like I said, he made yesterday more special with a trip into Phoenix to see my favorite team and we had a good time.

It’s just that it’s my first birthday away from home and I kinda miss the ritual of the cake and singing and stuff like that. And plus it sucks to fight on your birthday.

Happy (belated) birthday. :slight_smile: Sorry to read about your crappy day but I think we need more info. A smack of jealousy and some ducking out is never good. Please, share some more?

Sorry that happened…

I’m curious, too–what exactly was the Facebook message that was over the top? Like, over the top in terms of sexual and your boyfriend got jealous…?

Well, first, I ducked out to return calls I received because I get better service outside as opposed to in. That wasn’t a Thing.

The Facebook message wasn’t sexual or anything, but it was a bit on the “I am hitting on you slightly” side of the line. It weirded me out a bit, something like, “Happy birthday! You are a TOTALLY AWESOME person! Hope all your wishes and dreams come true!!” This from someone I’ve talked to twice. It feels silly posting it on here because it seems so innocuous, but it did reflect more of a relationship than I have with this guy.

In any event, though, I don’t see why your boyfriend was mad at you. It’s not your fault someone wrote something over the top or odd on your wall.

No offense, but your boyfriend sounds insanely jealous and like a bit of a wackjob. Plus he needs to learn that when HE starts the fight, HE should sleep on the couch, not vice versa.

Also, you are a TOTALLY AWESOME person and I hope all your dreams and wishes come true!

Wait, what?

So you’re saying that while you were outside on the phone, and your BF was inside the restaurant, he checked your Facebook page, presumably on a smartphone, and then when you came back into the restaurant, he confronted you about it? What exactly did he say? And how did it possibly become an argument that ended in tears, no dinner (even though you were already at the restaurant), and YOU sleeping on the couch? I just cannot even imagine how this went down.

What was your boyfriend’s rationale for getting mad at you?

This story raises some SERIOUS red flags, I hope you realize that.

Yes, boyfriend probably/possibly overreacted to a Facebook post. But I got the impression they were still at home when it happened. She might have left the page up when she went outside to return phone calls. It’s likely not as bad as you have it pictured, since it might not have been spying as much as noticing it when it was there.

Still, a fight over something somebody else said? That she had no control over? That’s not so cool. I really hope it wasn’t quite like it sounded.

Anyway, Meggroll, I hope your birthdays from now on are wonderful, and I really hope this one has a happy ending.

Oh, no. That isn’t what happened. I can relate this the long way, pull up a chair.

On Friday, I got friend requests from two co-workers, one male, one female. I accepted both and figured that it would be a good way to know interesting things going on around town, beings that I’m new to the area. It bothered him that I added the male co-worker, since it is a local person who he doesn’t know and therefore doesn’t trust. I said that I didn’t mean to make him uncomfortable, and offered to unfriend, as I honestly don’t care about Facebook friends that much. This couples in with him seeing that I look at other men a bit too long. I don’t think that I do, and don’t think that I notice other guys when we’re out anyway, but if he’s so bothered by it I am willing to examine my actions and see if that’s happening.

Anyway. He was already uncomfortable with this add, and he said I should have let him know I was going to add a male from the area to my friends. I said okay, I’ll communicate better in the future. Today, I got home from work, and while calling my mom I check my Facebook. This is before we were going to go out, since NJ is two hours ahead of AZ. I see the comment, as well as getting vaguely hit on in Facebook chat by this guy. After the phone conversations, I went back in the house, and showed that this went on to my boyfriend, trying to communicate like I said I would, before de-friending the vaguely creepy guy. We never got to dinner, etc etc.

I’m the one on the couch because I chose to be, I don’t want to be in the bedroom when I am upset about all these goings-on. I’m also not one to kick someone out of bed when I’m the one with the problem.

eta: And hey! It looks like now I know how to quote other posts! Neat.

Run. don’t walk. run. vaguely creepy guy is your best bet. Ladies, I’m out of here.


Your problem is your so-called boyfriend.

Bad enough that he got jealous because of that innocuous message, but he’s telling you who you can and can’t friend on FB?

Oh, honey. This paragraph is so full of wrong, I don’t know where to start. I’m sorry, but repeat after me, “This is not normal boyfriend behavior.” At least, you know, not unless you’re in a Lifetime movie called “Betrayed Trust: the Megg Roll Story.”

Whoops. I meant, when I’m the one pissed off, not that I’m a problem.

Post #13 was so full of red flags I almost started singing the Internationale.

This man has serious problems with jealousy and an urge to control a mile wide. A man who wants to act reasonably in a relationship doesn’t try to decide who gets to be his partner’s friends from the get-go. Further down the road he might notice that the friendship is having an unhealthy effect and try to work things out to fix it, but to say “I don’t like you being his friend because HE’S ANOTHER MAN” as soon as you friend him on Facebook is beyond unreasonable. And that FB birthday post was nowhere near over the top; it’s a little gushy but not inappropriate at all. Insisting you “look too long at other men” is the icing on the cake, though. That’s just out-and-out manipulative. You bend to this one, and I would be very surprised if he didn’t start making more demands on your time and behavior.

You’re at a bit of a disadvantage because you’re thousands of miles away from home and family, in a new town with nobody else to turn to, and I kind of suspect your new boyfriend there might like it that way. He’s got all the makings of a bully. Don’t do anything drastic now, but make sure you’ve got a way out. I really think you’re going to need it.

“who he doesn’t know and therefore doesn’t trust”
This is not how it’s supposed to work. He has no reason not to trust this guy, but he does anyway, just because he wants to friend you on Facebook? And he wants you to ask him about what you do or who you talk to?

This is not the way boyfriends normally act.

That is not normal behavior.