This is a Very Good Point. Thanks for making it.
(Good grief, I think at this point there are a half-dozen threads in MPSIMS alone about dysfunctional families and the hurt they rain down. Ahhh, the holidays. They bring out the best in Teh Crazy.)
Well, Mom pretty much thinks that no one but herself is capable of respecting, loving or even liking my sorry assed self so everyone that appears to do so has some ulterior motive that she needs to ferret out in order to “protect” me. I was really a mess by the time I graduated high school and left the house then I found that keeping my distance worked wonders, along with the support of some wonderful friends and colleagues that taught me self-worth.
Since then I have really learned to ignore it all and let it roll off my back. I almost called her on the stupid insensitive comment about the board election but I’ve had that conversation before, she would claim to have been “just teasing” and accuse me of being “oversensitive”, followed by some of her famed “constructive criticism” which turns every little thing I do or say into a huge crippling character flaw.
I generally just leave her out of the personal details of my life, down to the fact that she doesn’t even know about my long term interpersonal relationships, I saw what she did to my sibling’s spouses and wouldn’t put anyone I remotely liked through that.
I worry about my brother though, he moved back in with her 4 years ago after some setbacks that left him jobless and wifeless and he’s pretty much been reduced to nothing by now.
Ah, the high forehead and the bangs, Mom always told me the exact same thing. About 5 years ago I began wearing my hair in a variety of “pulled straight back” styles which totally accentuate the forehead and I think they look really good ( I’m wearing one in the Doper picture gallery) and she still can’t get over it and part of the reason I love them so much is because it tweaks her.
I work in tech and was starting a new job where I was the only female. Mom said she hoped that they didn’t expect me to bake for them because I can’t cook.
…
…
I think these days that’s covered under sexual discrimination laws, Ma.
Wow - here I’ve been beating myself up because we had an argument over the weekend and I felt bad for hanging up on her (called her right back, but only to say that the previous topic is closed and she can mind her own business from now on, and thanks for ruining what was left of my weekend). We aren’t getting together for T-day, but she wants the whole fam-damly together for x-mas. I’ve been thinking about how to get out of it and feeling like a shit for that too.
Not so much now.
(Congrats on the board position!)
Ann, congratulations on the election! May you serve long and well. 
And welcome to the crazy mother club. My mother (who I not-so-affectionately call the egg donor) was never around. At my birth, she said I was too ugly and I looked like my father, so she didn’t want me. My grandparents raised me. Best decision ever. One time when she did come by, I told her I was going to college: she said, “Why? You’ll just grow up to be a whore.”
Heh - she doesn’t tend to pull that on my brother. Him being a MAN and all, so he obvs knows what he wants. I, on the other hand, being a feather-brained li’l ol’ girl, couldn’t possibly know what I REALLY want.
:eek:
Once again, wow.
I’m really starting to appreciate just how normal and wonderful my mother is. Even then, the last time I talked to her I got the old “I don’t know, but if it makes you happy…”
My mom does this thing where when you tell her something she fakes being supportive (badly, I might add) and then harrasses you with her “support” for weeks afterwards. When I decided to move to New York this is the conversation I had with her:
Me: Mom, I’ve decided to move to New York City.
Her: Okay…that’s…great. I know when I lived in New York I hated it but who knows, maybe you will like it.
Me: 
You never lived in New York.
Her: Yes I did, when I was 5.
Me: No, you lived in New Jersey when you were 5. Grandpa told me all sorts of stories about having to commute from the suburbs of Jersey to NYC on the train every day.
Her: Living in New Jersey is the same as living in New York.
Me: No it isn’t. Also, you were 5. :dubious:
Two days later:
Her: I know you said you wanted to move to New York but I found the cutest apartments listed in downtown Dallas that I think would be perfect for you.
Me: I don’t want to live in Dallas anymore, I want to live in New York.
Her: No, this is just as good as New York.
One week later:
Her: I think you will fit in really well in NYC.
Me: Really?
Her: Yeah, they let liberals control everything up there so you’ll learn what it is like to live somewhere with an unstable government.
Me: What the hell, mom?
Her: I’m just saying, you tend to be flighty and idealistic so you will probably fit right in.
My mom also has MS, and it has also messed with her memory. She doesn’t say things that are completely inappropriate, but she says some strange stuff sometimes.
She was cooking something in the oven once and tried to tell me it was finished. Finished cooking. As in, this thing no longer needs to be cooked. Mom-speak: “Turn it off, it’s un-done fired.” Exactly like that. Amazingly, I knew exactly what she meant.
Recently (this one is not so strange sounding, but you really have to read it out loud with as soft and loving a voice as possible, basically just like June Cleaver or something) I was doing some bitching about having to cook something that took 45 minutes to make. She turns to me and says, “You don’t get it instant, this isn’t a god-damned McDonalds.”
Jules, does your mom speak jive?
Congrats on the new position!
Throwing my two cents in: there’s a reason why my mother is lying in an unmarked grave.*
*And no, I didn’t murder her myself and bury her body in some unknown location.
OK, gotta speak up here. When I was young back in caveman days (the 60’s) - every fashionable girl on the planet had long, deep bangs. Patti Harrison (pre-Eric Clapton), Jean Shrimpton, the beautiful Jane Asher - it was the Mod Look and long thick bangs were IN. I wanted long thick bangs, too! Over major objections, I got bangs cut to cover up my High, Hideous, Pimply Forehead, and all I heard from my cow of a mother was “how can you see? you look like a sheepdog! they’re hanging in your eyes! pull back your hair, no one can see your face!” I didn’t WANT anyone to see my face or High, Hideous, Pimply Forehead, thank you. So that was then: moms wanted hair pulled back, daughters wanted stylish bangs. … Jump ahead a few decades, and now (though I find it puzzling) the majority of young women have a pulled back hairdo, and it’s their MOMS who want them to have bangs. …Maybe 20-30 years from now, the cycle will repeat itself?
To the OP, congratulations! Now that you’re the President, I could use a job but I’m not hinting or anything. Again, congratulations on your achievement. Can you ask your mom which corporation elected her President?
I used to see so many people who never had visitors in the nursing homes on my route. I wonder how many of those people were like some of the ones described in this thread? My own father died alone, which we will all do, but in his case, without either of his children at his side. He was easily the most poisonous man I ever knew.
Ann Hedonia, congratulations to you! That’s an impressive achievement and an enormous compliment to your abilities and competence.
I am enjoying the tail end of a pleasant and cosy day, and so I categorically refuse to let my mind light on thoughts of my own mother, with whom I have had no contact in 11 years. Best decision I’ve ever made.
Threads like this make me wonder if it’s a requirement to have a bad mother to be on the Dope.
But then, I wouldn’t be here. My mom is pretty much my best friend.
Most Moms are crazy, which explains why many Dads drink.
Indeed, there’s some stuff that I would think my mom has said that qualifies her, but she’s a rank amateur compared to most of those here. I never thought I’d say this, but this thread really makes me appreciate my mom.
(Even the stereotypical Jewish mother must bow to some of the mothers here!)
Mmmmm, I actually find foreheads sexy. (I think because I think it makes the girl look smarter. Smarter or geekier = sexier). Going to check out your pic right now!
Congrats Ann!
My mom has insisted my entire life that women over 30 should NEVER have long hair. (Hers has been old lady helmet style, wash and set once a week for as long as I can remember) I will soon be 47 and have mostly salt, little pepper hair well below my shoulders :eek:
I swear, no matter how cute I think a haircut might be, I will not cut it shorter than between the shoulder blades until she’s gone.
My family isn’t actively poisonous like some examples here, but they’re not particularly supportive, either. I don’t think my family is actually trying to be negative; I think it just doesn’t occur to them that it’s as easy to say a nice thing as a negative one. Except my oldest sister, the martyr; I’m fairly sure she says negative things on purpose. I think she wants other people to be as miserable as she is.
I was well into adulthood before I met people who said nice things to me and encouraged me just…because! It occurred to me one day that it costs me absolutely nothing to say something nice to someone, and chances are it will make their day, so I do that as often as I think of it.
Congratulations, Ann. I’m sure you earned your position by being good at what you do.