My Novel: Cast of Characters

One of these days, I’m going to sit my sorry ass down and write The Great American Novel. Never mind the fact that I have no professional writing experience or training, I’m going to produce a book that you’ll need a truss to lift.

So far, I’ve only come up with the names for characters:

Renee Zonts

Tara Kotter

Skip Toudeleaux

Mia Butthertz

Chuckie Arlah*

Anyone else got contributions?

  • from a Gaelic phrase meaning “Our day will come.” Obscure enough?

Do you want name suggestions or something else?

Oh, name suggestions, and the punnier the better!

How about “Helena Handbasket?”

Add a dash of class with a distinguished British poet named
Viscous Bleak-Offcentre

Euell P. Yorpanz

Marshall Artz

Dee Jenrette

Two more I found in my notes:

Vin Deloux

Sarah Tonen

Tim Burr

That’s all I go right now.

Sybil Reitz (ACLU attorney)

Phyllis Glass (barmaid)

Barbara Seville (runs a beauty shop)

Classmate of mine is, no joke, named Sarah Toner, and yes, she has exploited that particular joke. Not to mention what happens when you concatenate her first initial and her last name, which is especially funny because she’s as far from being one of those as is humanly possible.

Greg Oliver Atse - Or, as the initials on his door would read “G. O. Atse”

Ella Mentary

Hugh Jass?

Heh.

Stu Pedasso

A cow-orker used to call me that in front of our customers, and a couple of them started calling me Mr. Pedasso after that, not realizing that it wasn’t really my name.

Then my father got wind of it and started calling me Stu! Damn you, Daddy! :mad:

Robin Banks
Lynne Guini
Stanley Cupp
Warren Peace

Esther Question

Hal Atosis

Albert Deshoutin

Uri Lee Pissmiov

Archie Triumph

Wanda Aimlessly

I was going to suggest something like

“<Verb/Adjective>y Mc<Verb/Adjective>”

But everyone else’s is much better…