My patient with rabies

I had a patient sent from an Urgent Care to the ER for “a swollen epiglottis” which is potentially an airway catastrophe. I wondered out loud how an urgent care would make such a diagnosis. Turns out the patient had a swollen uvula. Not quite the same level of sphincter tone with that one.

ROFLMAO, no shit.


My wife’s uvula becomes moist and swollen at times.

Is this dangerous?

They need to do way with instain aminals who foam at the mouht…

Hell, I was thinking “They cut off a prisoner’s head and sent it to the state lab?! Bagel-dog penis ain’t shit now!”

True story: I sometimes take my dog Simone to the local off-leash dog park.*

Simone is 35 pounds – almost median weight for a female pit bull – but most people consider her pretty small for the breed, perhaps due to inflated expectations. When she gets overstimulated, she sometimes gets drooly. One hot summer day she was excited to meet other dogs and had quite a bit of drool built up when she started running a bit. After a few minutes of huffing and puffing in the heat, she’d blown a lot of bubbles into her spit. I was trying to catch up to her to wipe her muzzle when she wandered past a group of new arrivals to the park. One woman was talking a streak to her friend, glanced down, and the conversation went something like this:

“So Gladys blah blah blah…OH MY GOD, IS THAT A RABID PIT BULL?”

“Yes, I brought a rabid pit bull to the dog park,” I said, smiling.

*In the interest of full disclosure, I’m told that it’s a bad idea to bring your pit bull – even a very dog-friendly pit – to an off-leash park, because “if anything happens you’ll get the blame.” But I’d already been taking her for a while before I read that, and it’s one of the highlights of her existence. She’s not big, she’s well-behaved, and pretty introverted. I don’t text or phone while I’m there, but stay with her and make sure everyone is interacting smoothly.

What the hell, outpatient therapy should be just fine for a rabid patient. His cellmate might have other ideas though.

It’s apparently not the native language of a whole bunch of health care workers, judging from the requisition forms and dictated reports I see.

A recurring theme is being sent “centennial” lymph nodes, which one would assume are removed every hundred years, but are actually something quite different.

Good, that’s worse than bringing a rabid pit bull.

Scabies, Rabies, Mickey Rooney Sugar Babies. Paging Doctor Ducca!

My wife, as a new RN, accidentally charted that a patient “pumped his penis” instead of “bumped his penis”. She caught hell about that one for quite a while.

If she finds out you posted on the web, it is. Be careful.

I got a phone call that the patient I sent to her doctor 'cause she hadn’t pooped in a week (and she’d cancelled her last two appointments, so that was mostly just an excuse to get her in there) had received an emergency colostomy. Holy crap! I panicked a little as visions of my license being yanked for delaying sending her for treatment of an obviously serious bowel obstruction danced through my head.

No, no, just a colonoscopy. Liiiiiiitle bit different!

(She pooped plenty the next day, lemme tell ya.)

Isn’t rabies always 100% fatal after symptoms appear? I was wondering why they were starting him on anything, unless it was to make him comfortable.

I want to know what that guy bumped his penis into that required a doctor visit.

In a nutshell, her uvula is on the fritz.

Almost always, but there have been rare cases of people recovering. There’s also this, which in addition to being an interesting medical experiment sounds like a bad 1970’s conspiracy thriller.

Well, there’s a number of possibilities…

  • A Bugatti Veyron
  • Whitey Bulger

“No, Doc, I said the prisoner has labia so going back to the cell block would be a bad idea.”

They are both just phages that people go through…

With Dan Brown books, none.

Too bad for him. “Mad Dog” is a cooler prison nickname than the Dick Tracian “Bug Bite.”