It’s a good thing I post from lying down on my bed, the reason why I’ll get to. But first, the sequence of events that led to my prostrate form, or Brachy Does Interior Decorating.
First, about 6 months ago, I decided that I was tired of my dirty, apartment-paint walls. My place has not been painted since I moved in, some 12 years ago. And I want some real furniture, not the grad student pressed sawdust stuff I’ve carted here. I have the money, I’ve seen people paint, I can do this.
So I traipse off to Home Depot (later known as the Financial Black Hole), pick up some paint chips and a how-to-paint book. This looks easy, I can do it. But which colors? Which colors? Ummm…maybe white is not so bad…no, too glaring, too boring, want soothing colors, want something different…but what if it looks to garish, what if the color I choose looks pukey…maybe white is not so bad…nonono…hell, I can choose later.
Several months later, after considering 13 billion color combinations and stil not deciding, I figured I might as well start with the basic stuff. If I start priming, then I’ll have to paint which means I have to choose. Okay, let’s move “furniture”!
Move. Movemovemove. Buy plastic to cover stuff (little do I know, but the movement of my money to Home Depot has begun in earnest). Shove and cover. Toss it out. Into the garbage! Move and cover. Buy more plastic. Buy tape. Tape the floor. Tapetapetape. Tape some more. Ewww, those cracks in the wall and ceiling look bad. Maybe they need spackle or gorp or cement or something. I’ll ask Tadhgh.
It turned out that Tadhgh loves to spackle. He volunteered to come over to fix the cracks and help put on primer. So off to the Black Hole where we pick up spackle, more tape, more plastic, paint brushes, paint rollers, extenders, a step ladder, a couple of putty knives, primer (something called KILZ, heh), and more paint chips. Did they come out with even MORE colors since I was here last? Which colors? Maybe white is not so bad… I bought Tadhgh some beer (Amber Bock?).
Tadhgh extolled the fine virtues of crack repair while I finished taping, mentally investing in tape stock. We began priming. Paint paint paint paint paint. Paint some more. Tadhgh came back the next day and we painted yet again. He thought a second coat of primer might be needed. Sigh. Okay. Paintpaintpaintpaintpaint.
I was taking care of Sugar, my sister kiffa’s mini dachshund. (She was too fat to fly with them to the Congo in August, so I took her, put her on a diet and kiffa picked her up last week.) Sugar managed to get primer all over her since wet paint does not exist in her dachshund world.
During the week, I paint each night. My friend Pete was coming up on the weekend to help paint with Tadhgh and I, and I had to finish priming. And choose the paint color.
Friday night comes, I’m finished with the priming and now I MUST BUY ACTUAL PAINT. My mind kept coming back to three colors, and now with the Home Depot paint guy staring at me, I ordered with feigned confidence: Swiss Mocha for the ceiling and trim, Linen White for the kitchen/dining room/hallway, and Outrigger Canoe for the living room/entryway. Behr paint for the first two and Ralph Lauren for the last. I knew I’d get ribbed for choosing a Ralph Lauren paint, but I love the pale green color. Flat for the ceiling, semigloss for the trim and the walls behind the sink and stove, and eggshell for the walls. Yeay me, I made a decision!! I buy more beer (Kingfisher and Rolling Rock).
With the help of Pete, Tadhgh, and Don (a friend of Pete’s from whom I’m buying a sofa and chair), we got a substantial portion done that weekend. The guys kid me about the Lauren paint, but admit that it goes on wonderfully well and covers with a single coat. I finished during the week. Painting trim. Paint paint paint paint paint. Finally done, I began removing tape and plastic. How the hell did that paint get on the floor and why does it look like puppy fee…Sugar!! Scrape and sand. Scrape scrape scrape. Sand sand sand. Sigh.
kiffa came and we spend our time looking at area rugs and designing the bookcase arrangement. She and Sugar take off for the Congo (I miss that puppy!) and I take off for IKEA. Several times I go there with measurements in hand and indecision in my mind. I can do this, I did it with the paint…Billy or Bonde…Billy…Bonde…that square thingy…Billy…yep, Billy with a Bonde piece…how many pieces…which sizes…BillyBillyBillyBondeBilly…" Eventually I decide on a configuration, realize that everything is too big for my Maxima, have have to decide on whether to have IKEA deliver, rent a vehicle, or wait for Pete or Tadhgh and their trucks. I can’t wait and so today, I rented a pickup, went to buy 3 80-inch Billy bookcases and one 57-inch Billy bookcase. In a warm beech. The Bonde piece is on backorder.
This stuff is heavy. HEAVY. HEAVY, as in 320 lbs of future furniture in unwieldly packaging. Now I am a fairly fit 46 year old female. When I’m doing field work, I pound rebar into the ground, carry mist nets, and walk forever. But the last time I handled anything remotely that heavy by myself was when I was a young thing under twenty, throwing hay bales around. Those are ancient memories.
But I do it. Inch by inch, grunting and swearing, I load the cart and muscle this inertial nightmare through the checkstand, and to the loading dock. A kindly IKEA worker helps to load the truck and more grunting and swearing helps to unload them. I am as tired as I have ever been in my life. I suspect my muscles will complain tomorrow.
And tomorrow I put those cases together. :eek:
Got any home improvement stories to share?
). How do you know if you’re dealing with a load-bearing wall (apart from it falling around your ears)? Is it that tapping on the wall stuff? It all sounds the same to me.