I can’t seem to find anyone in Kansas City that I have anything in common with.
I could really use a girlfriend, that is a friend that’s a girl. It seems to me that being a newcomer in this city makes it difficult to make friends. It seems that everyone here has been friends since first grade, and that’s a really hard circle to break into. But even if I could break into that group, what would we have in common?
I’m tired of going to see movies like “Sideways” alone because everyone I know would think it was boring and stupid. I’m tired of the fact that I can’t use the words like “prodigious” in conversation because everyone I know wouldn’t understand it. I know I sound like I’m some kind of intellectual snob right now, but I swear I don’t like these types of movies or use this type of vocabulary because I’m trying to pass myself off as someone better than everyone else. I just like non-standard movies. I like to read a lot and a nasty by-product of that is an enhanced vocabulary.
And its not like I want to constantly be surrounded by intellectuals. I want the sort of friend who would like to come round this afternoon and drunkenly decorate christmas cookies with non-appropriate designs while discussing topics like bikini waxes.
Geez, too bad I don’t live in KC! I’m not real big on non-conventional movies, but I’m with you on the reading and vocabulary thing. I have been lucky enough to find a coupld of close friends in this little backwoods Deliverance of a City that don’t come across as someone who found their SO at a family reunion. I’ll tell ya how stupid most of the people around here are: most of them wouldn’t understand the joke in what I just said. They’d stare vacantly and then ask “Yuh, whatsamatter wit’ family reunions? You dissin’ on my old lady?”
So how did I meet these friends? Local crime watch. Most of the yahoos around here were of the opinion that everyone needs to either just mind their own business or just shoot anyone who comes onto their property. Whaddaya need a fuckin’ crime watch for? But when I got a paper announcing the first meeting seven years ago), I decided to attend. The woman who hosted it was friendly, educated, professional, and is now my best IRL friend. Just recently, another woman moved into the area from Kentucky. She used to be a teacher before she had to take disability. She’s been very active with the crime watch since she moved here, and she and I are becoming pretty close, too.
We have a pretty good crime watch going now, and I got a couple of friends out of the deal. A bargain, right?
So, if you want to meet some people, find an organization where some like-minded people are likely to be, and go there.
That’s not the point. Prodigious is not that advanced of a word. Its just that the people I have around me right now use phrases like “I seen them taters over there”. They are really nice people, but we have nothing in common. And when we speak I get tired of having to use “really big” instead of prodigious. OTOH, it took a while for me to understand what “taters” were.
I’m starting to think that I might have to be brave and throw myself into some new groups, like you suggest. I don’t know about Toastmasters, though. I don’t necessarily use big words just for the sake of using big words, which is my impression of Toastmasters. Which could be completely wrong.
People are people everywhere. Every single group I have EVER been involved with has had a whole range of folks in it, including the really annoying ones (form a heirarchy and there you go). I have found this to be true over and over and somehow, I am always surprised when they appear…you’d think I’d learn.
The key is to find something group-like to do that would appeal to you if you never met anyone at all interesting. You won’t have scads of time to be lonely if you are busy doing things that are interesting to you. A side benefit of pursuing an interest is that you have something to talk about when you do run up on interesting people.
GraphicsGal, of course, you are absolutely right! I didn’t attend that first crime watch meeting with the idea of meeting folks, but rather with the idea of keeping this area reasonably safe. Meeting friends has been a plus, though. When I suggested an activity with like-minded people, I only meant that, if you pursue an activity with other folks who tend to be of a like mind, you already have something in common right off the bat. Kind of ups the chances that you’ll find someone you get along with in other areas, too.
Sweetheart, I’m right there with you. What makes it worse is that I can’t join any organizations around here because I commute to law school and that takes up much of my time. And I can’t join any organizations over there because I come home at night. It really sucks.
I have tried to make friends through the law school but whenever they ask me to do anything I have to say sorry. It’s an hour drive between here and there and I usually leave at seven in the morning, which means I must get to bed at ten, which means I must have about three hours to do homework (at least!), which means I must start by seven, which means I must leave school at about six. Six is when most people are barely even thinking about going out, much less have already been.
It’s really rough, and if you can find a way around it I would be very interested in hearing it.
Elysian, is there any way that you can start some of your homework in a quiet place at your school, then do something (like go pick up dinner; after all, you still have to take time to eat) before going home? This might work best on a Friday. If one of your school acquaintances asks you to do something with them, you might say something like, “That wouldn’t fit in with my schedule; would you like to grab something to eat Friday evening around six instead?” This way, they know you’re not rejecting their attempts at friendship, but are just really busy!
How old are you? My brother-in-law lives in Kansas City and he’s the most gregarious person I’ve ever met in my life. He has 2 daughters, 20 and 14 (I think), and knows practically everybody. He’s a really wonderful guy and could probably introduce you to some people.
E-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you want me to hook you up. (Not as a date, he has a girlfriend, just to be clear, but as a great guy to know who might be able to help you out. At the very very least, he and his younger daughter love arty/small movies and would probably go with you every now and then.)
I had to look it up to make sure I knew what it meant after you asked. Like the OP, I have a decent vocabulary from reading a lot but I’m horrible at being able to give actual definitions and am generally self-conscious so I’m constantly second-guessing myself as well.
As an aside, I’m watching Reality Bites in another window and this reminds me of the scene where Winona Rider is asked to define irony after interviewing for a journalism position at the local paper. How apropos.
Umm… and to stay on topic: sorry, ouisey. While I’m not in your exact position, I’m in a somewhat similar one in having tastes in entertainment and leisure that don’t lend themselves well to making friends. That, and I’m horribly, horribly shy.
I’m working my way towards the same thing. I moved to a new state & city in early September for a new job, and the meeting people socially thing is wicked tough.
I am one of those people who generally avoid hanging out with coworkers outside of work too often. Not that I don’t like my coworkers, but I spend 40+ hours a week with them - I want a life outside of that.
It will get there - for me and for you too - it just takes a while sometimes.
No, that doesn’t make you ignorant. Some people are word people and some people aren’t. I am. My husband knows a lot of words when he sees them in books, but often mispronounces them because he’s only seen them written. On vocabulary tests, I always scorer higher than him, but I’d have to say he’s about 25% smarter than me.
I totally agree with norinew. There are those with the gift of gab, and those that go lacking. mr. bot is a college graduate, and frequently uses the phrase "all’s’. For example he’ll say “All’s you hafta do is this and that” or “All’s I was saying was…” In the beginning of our relationship I would point out that ‘all’s’ was not a word. I begged him to find it in a dictionary and validate his use of the phrase. To no avail…
Now days, I just shudder when he uses that phrase, and let it go. But it really used to drive me ape-shit. (psssst…just between you and I, it still does!!)