From a woman’s perspective, I can say that this is very true. I think most people want to please their partner. For me, that kept me from just relaxing and enjoying my feelings because I was worried about him feeling good. It took the right person (and quite a while with him) for me to really understand that he wants me to feel good. So being selfish for the time it takes to get off is a good thing.
I would think that this works in reverse too. I certainly want him to feel good, so at times he needs to stop worrying about me and let me worry about us both.
As for the OP, I agree with all of the people who say to just try to relax. Non-sexual physical intimacy (back rubs, hair-brushing, cuddling, etc.) will get both of you used to getting and giving good sensations. As that becomes more comfortable, it will probably also become more sexual. And once the pressure is off, this problem will probably disappear.
Talk to a doctor. Seriously. It’s probably the axiety blocking your ability to feel anything else, and it’s affecting you physically. It won’t be the last time your brain gets in the way of your body. Doctors get sample packets of Viagra all the time. Ask him for a sample to see if it can get you past the the mental block.
Hahaha! Yeah, right. At best viagra will give you a placebo effect. It’s only for people that can’t physically get it up, it won’t help you with mental problems.
I’m just saying it might help eliminate the physical issues for a couple hours. Maybe if he doesn’t have to worry about anything and can relax a bit, it’ll get easier.
(Funny as hell because I’m listening to Chuck Berry’s Reelin’ and Rockin’)
This sounds pretty straightforward… the first time it didn’t happen because the attraction wasn’t there, but the second time it didn’t happen because you were still worrying about the first time. It sure doesn’t help when people are talking about it. You feel pressed to give one good performance to prove to yourself and everyone else that you’re back in the saddle, but it doesn’t exactly work like that.
Don’t worry, when you get to the right time with the right girl, this will fix itself. But until then I don’t think there’s much you can do about it other than buying some of those expensive boner pills. When I was in my 20’s I had this problem for about 2 years, and it fixed itself when I met someone that I really cared about.
You also might want to back off on that porn… I don’t think it really damages your sensitivity but it might skew your expectations.
True, Viagra nor Cialis will assist with performance anxiety. Niether will it give you an erection. It merely assists you when you do have an erection to maintain it for a longer duration. You do not take Viagra nor Cialis and whammo, get the big boner.
Hear me folks - that’s a myth.
While doctors are prescribing Viagra and Cialis to others than those experiencing erectile disfunction (i.e., men with prostate problems, older men who are just having trouble …you know), they would not recommend it for getting over the hump - and actually, neither would I (though IANAD, so who cares).
It won’t improve your performance if you can’t get there, and seriously, if you truly think there may be a medical impediment, why not find out now rather than spend years agonizing over “why am I different…”.
As for the person who said to lay off the porn a bit - I would have to disagree. depends on what kind of porn you’re watching, and if it works for you. If it does, then go for it. There’s nothing wrong with a little spice in your life. Honestly.
**ronincyberpunk **, you mentioned my similar kind of problem.
Well, I have some good news. It gets better. It really does. Because things for me right now (in many categories, not just oral sex) have improved dramatically over time.
For me, the big factor was that I was over-thinking things. First I couldn’t get an erection/get off on whatever (oral sex, in this example). Then I found out the reason might be because I was nervous. All right, don’t be nervous…don’t be nervous…don’t be…You see where this is headed? I was over-thinking things. Once I was aware I had a problem I was obsessed about it. And I was either obsessed about it or trying NOT to obsess about it. This would just wig me out and made it difficult to relax.
What helped the most is just forgetting about the whole damn erection/orgasm problem alltogether and enjoying the experience. Once I got to that point, suddenly everything ‘worked’ the way I had assumed it should. So just be patient, but don’t expect things to improve over a strict time frame. Everybody’s bodies are different so the best thing now is just to try to enjoy it for what it is and be patient and communicate with your girlfriend.