My squirrel tried to commit suicide today.

If anyone remembers this thread, I’ve had a cute little squirrel that I’ve named Chubbers hanging out in front of my office window. I think he’s adorable. If I didn’t fear an illness, I’d try to make friends with him and take him home to live alongside my two cats. (Okay, he also runs like a mama’s boy when I come outside to get the mail…).

Today, I was leaving my office, the last person in the building, apparently. As I turned the corner out of the parking lot to go out onto the street, I saw Chubbers out of the corner of my eye. He came flying from a bush on the right side of my car, and flung himself in front of my car. And then he sat there, giving me the eye. I think he was saying “Come on. My life sucks. I hate those damn acorns. Hit me!”.

I’ve only hit a squirrel in my life once before, and I then sobbed for an hour as I completed my drive. So hitting Chubbers wasn’t an option. I tooted my horn, hoping he’d get out of the road. He ran back into the bush.

Home-free, right?


I started to press on the gas pedal a little so that I could leave, and this little bugger decided to hurl himself across the driveway, narrowly missing my tires. He then flew across the yard and over to his ‘safe’ tree.

I gave him the finger.

He’s lucky he’s cute.


You need to talk some sense into that squirrel. I know a squirrel that’s so fat he doesn’t hop (like squirrels normally do) so much as hobble. Life can’t be that bad for your squirrel.

I think you need to take him to a therapist and make sure he works through some of his problems before this ends in a way that none of us want…unless you like squirrel stew

Oh man. Squirrel flavored road kill is so common where I live that every time I see a live one (which is rare in comparison to the dead ones), I picture what he’d look like dead.

Not that I’d ever want to hit one, I brake for bugs for crying out loud. But if Chubbs was trying THAT hard to play life and death games with your car, then I think it’s safe to say he’s unworthing of spreading his genes in the squirrel gene pool. :frowning:

I hit a squirrel once and was so upset that I got out of the car and contemplated giving him CPR.
Then it dawned on me that I’d have a lot of explaining to do when I arrived at the hospital with a dead rodent fastened on to my lip.

He’s auditioning for a Geico commercial.

I’m not sure he’s quite that intelligent.

[Homer]Mmmm…squirrel stew…[/Homer]

Thing is, he plays Squirrel Russian Roulette all the time. He’s got a death wish. I see him dashing across the busy street in front of our office all the time, the little nut.

Yeah, I think so. Then again, I can’t talk 'cause I wanted to pull off at the next exit and see if I could see him on the side of the road (common sense took over very quickly, and I didn’t, of course).

I’m gaining a reputation around the office as the crazy squirrel girl. Luckily, they like me.