Well, that makes sense. I guess I don’t tend to question my choices in these things, but if you need confirmation–better to get it right away than on a second date, I suppose.
See, that’s the thing–if someone asked me to do them a favor like taking them to their dead parents’ house, then I’d gladly do it for them. I like doing things to help people, and I too am a big believer in the positive karma thing. It’s just that she sprung it on you in the middle of a date!!
And her whole thing of suddenly saying it’s not a date–that’s baloney. You guys were smooching at the putt-putt! For her suddenly to declare it “not a date” is some sort of weird manipulative thing. Maybe she wanted you to pout and tell her you wanted it to be a date. I dunno. Some people are crazy, and it sounds like she’s one of the crazy ones.
Anyway, I’m glad you’re cutting her some slack because she’s grieving and everything–but whatever you do–do NOT get tempted to try again with her when some more time has passed and you think she’s probably moved past the worst of the grieving. She’s clearly nutso.
There were some other quirky things that I wondered about before that. If we had genuinely been a couple minutes from that house, then it would have been a lot more legit. I doubt it was pre-meditated; rather, it was more a “crime of opportunity” if you will. Still, she isn’t thinking straight if she figures a date would want to be party to it.
But then that shifting view of reality—it’s a date/no it’s hanging out—probably makes everything seem okay, depending on which way the wind is blowing.
At the time, I thought maybe she wanted more of a reaction from me. One weird little factoid: at Putt Putt, I asked her what the winner would get for a prize; she said a kiss. I asked what the loser got—my point being, well, you know, if we’re kissing each other it wouldn’t matter, win or lose, right? Whoosh, went right past her! She said the loser wouldn’t get anything. No wink or confirmation of sarcasm. Hokay!
Well, I won. I didn’t mention, let alone claim, that kiss. I thought she might be kinda embarrassed about losing. If she had brought it up, sure, I would have collected. Maybe something trivial, like that, made her feel rejected.
Or maybe it was her mom. If we had actually made it directly to the restaurant she would have gone all weepy for her mom. Instead we ended up at the house and she was all weepy for her mom. Who knows? If I had videotape of the date, I probably still wouldn’t know.
You’re preaching to the choir! Another of my weirdisms is along the lines of “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” I’m not saying it was deliberate, pre-meditated, or anything: still, we “train” people how to treat us by allowing them to get away with things.
I saw what I needed to see at a very low cost emotionally, hourly, financially, whatever-ly. To venture back into that scene would be inviting the universe to put a much costlier smackdown on me.
The good news, at this point, is that there has been no word from her…no call, no email, nada. Maybe the lack of a kiss/hug when I dropped her off was an indication that she realized I was turned off. I intend to let this fade to black and she may oblige me.
Wow, that was pretty strange. Probably my ‘strangest’ date was with a woman who sounded great on the phone, really liked having conversations with her. A few red flags popped up along the way (She was into cuddle parties :dubious:, said all the guys she was attracted to were gay, etc) but I was admittedly too lonely/horny to really care. Short version of the date is we went to a park, she invited me back to her apartment, we made out but she didn’t want things to progress toward and beyond groping below the crotch. I was fine with that but she seemed so turned on by the making out I thought maybe she’d get horny enough to want to have sex as much as I did. She didn’t…we ended up making out for five hours and she apparently ended up having an orgasm by humping my leg. She obviously knew I wanted to have sex but explained in a really confusing, runaround way that she didn’t. She did feel bad that she got her fun and wasn’t willing to let me ‘finish’ so she ended up cooking me dinner as a kind of consolation prize. To her credit the dinner was great.
Eh, dating 101: take her to do something not terribly long (2 hours max, I’d say.) If date is going well, suggest you do additional thing Y. (Eg, if date is dinner, how about a walk in the park, or if date is an art musuem, how about some coffee?)
If the date isn’t going well, just cut short and end it after activity 1.
I didn’t see it the same way as many of you did. I wrote a whole long post about why I thought the way I did that got eaten by the hamsters. But none of it matters since it’s how the OP feels that counts and he’s made it clear that she’s history.
Another of my weirdisms is along the lines of “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” I’m not saying it was deliberate, pre-meditated, or anything: still, we “train” people how to treat us by allowing them to get away with things.