Weird Dates

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This thread was about unrequited loveand it made me think of the times when I actually got a date and it just went south fast or was wierd and disturbing.

I went to college in the 80’s. Yeah, the pastel colored, leather tie wearing, members only jacket eighties. Sophomore year after the incident I spoke of in the unrequited love threadI was at a local bar/hangout with my friends from the previous year. Hey, they always had student night so it was cheap pizza and beer. We were at a table by the door when a bunch of girls that were obviously new students came in. My roomie was sitting next to me and he shouted **“Freshman Chicks!” **which made one of them look at us. I can tell you the only thing wrong with this girl was that she had a crooked tooth. The rest of her was fantastic. I remember because she had on a red sweater, a black skirt and she had the whole 80’s big (blonde) hair going on. You can laugh, but at least back then she was pretty hot. Thinking she’s going to shoot me down anyway I said to her “You look great, but you know what would help you look better? Being seen with me!”

Seriously. I cannot believe that line worked. She sat on my lap! We talked (I’ll say her name was Janet…it wasn’t but it’ll do for this tale) and arranged to go out on Friday. For once all of my buddies thought I was da man! Felt good.

So I decide to take her to this place to eat called GAMPI’s. (the Great American Melting Pot…if you were in Baltimore in the 80’s you may have heard of it). It was nice enough for a student without breaking my wallet. I go to her apartment to pick her up wearing a shirt and tie, nice slacks and my snicker members only jacket. She comes outside dressed like…well, remember** Wendy **and **Lisa **from Prince’s band back in the 80’s. Yes, she had on stuff like that. The Ben Franklin/Funky Phantom type coat…the funny frilly shirt…a mini skirt…big as Lt. Uhura boots. Add the flamboyant and garish jewelry and the big 80’s hair. I didn’t even know what to say. She was a good looking girl…she just dressed like she was going to be in a music video. we went to eat. A friend saw us walking down the street. He spoke but you could see he was holding back the laughter when he did. I knew all of my friends would hear about this as soon as he reached a phone. The greeter at Gampi’s thought we were not together. I mean, me being dressed like a normal person and all.

During dinner she regaled me with all of the stories of how many drugs she did in high school. Gawd I felt uncomfortable. On the way back I figured we could stop for a drink at the bar where we met. After all it was friday. None of my friends ever go there friday. Its regular prices then, not like student night. wrong. They were all there. Fastest drink I ever heard. Especially since they kept playing “When Doves Cry” on the jukebox and singing it loudly. Man, I knew the jokes would be well written by class on monday.

So i walk her home. we get to her door and Janet tells me what a great time she had. Then she says her roommate is away and I should, you know, come in with her for the night.

Much like Pinto in ***Animal House ***a devil and an angel appeared on my shoulders. You know what the devil said. The angel however said ***“There will be consequences if you do this, my son. Not that i’m a prude, but you need to walk away.”. ***I apologized, made up some stuff about having to be up early and left.

That wasn’t as easy it sounds. She dressed like a weirdo and she was a bit strange, but she did have a killer body and it was obvious that she wanted to run my ***Jolly Roger ***up the flagpole. plus I was hornier than a brass band. But I still turned her down and swooped on outta there.

I avoided her for 2 weeks while she was in my face at every chance. My friend John laughed at her style of dress but told me"She really likes you, man.". but I never hit it. She dated another guy I knew name George. He slept with her.

And got crabs and i don’t mean the kind you put old bay on. He also got a few other things, all of which involve going to a clinic because it hurts when he took a piss. So now all of the guys were laughing at George. I didn’t. I only told him, “Dude, I was almost you…only my Spider-Sense was tingling.”.

I cannot be the only person to have had a wierd date.

2

This happened to an old friend of mine. He had been single for a while, and was trying the online dating thing. He met a girl, they exchanged messages, and decided to meet IRL. The went out to dinner, had a wonderful time, and went back to his place.

She’s looking through his CD collection, and finds one she’d like to listen to. The case is empty, and he remembers the CD is in his car. He walks out to his car to ge the CD, and comes back in.

She’s sitting on his couch, smoking a crack pipe.

He’s speechless, standing in the doorway with his mouth agape.

“Well don’t freak out”, she says.

An argument ensues, in which she claims crack is “no big deal”, and he tells her to get the hell out of his house. At one point, she tells him that her smoking crack is no different from him “shooting up” with insulin (he’s diabetic) because she “needs it to live”.

That was their last date.

3

All I can say, is you’re a better man than I, Jolly Roger. I came of age during that time also, and there is no way, no way at all, that I, at that age, wouldn’t have gone in with her and f*cked her brains out if she was as hot as you say. I wouldn’t have cared for how long or how loudly my friends kidded me, I would have done it.

4

Two come to mind…both in Colorado Sprngs, but I doubt if that is relevant.

The first one, In '98 was working overnights at what then was AT&T Cable, now comcast. I got off work at sevenish that morning and I stopped for breakfast and ran a couple of errands before heading home. The girl I was dating at the time was waiting for me in the apartment complex parking lot when I got in around noon. She came at me like a big angry female thing. She had driven down from Denver to surprise me and demanded to know where I had been. I said I had run some errands, and grab a bite, the usual. She was livid, and so pissed that she couldn’t get in touch with me that she went to the local mall and bought. me. a. pager.

Seriously. She bought me a pager so she could get in touch with me whenever she wanted. She kept trying to give it to me, and I kept dodging her and weaving, trying to get around her with my hands full of groceries and dry cleaning. when i told her we should see other people, she lost her mind and threw the pager at me. Hit me right in the midle of the forehad. Awesome!

The second one, still in C Springs, went out with me for the sole (Ha!!) purpose of saving my soul.

We went out the first night and caught a movie. The next night she said she wanted to introduce me to a few of her friends…that turned into a “fellowship bible meeting” that was very much like an intervention. The only difference was instead of friends and family, I was being exhorted to except jesus and renounce my sinful ways by complete and utter strangers.
I threw the usual argumenst out, about evolution, skepticism, when they found out I was an actual, living breathing atheist, well bless their little cotten socks, they tried even harder.
It was a long couple of hours before I could extricate myself.

5

Well, my friends did laugh at me a lot for not humping her until she passed out, considering she was begging me to go out with her for 2 weeks aferwards…but as I said, there was like a disturbance in the force…as if a million voice cried out that they needed penicillin…so I didn’t. I’m usually not known for my foresight but there was something that told me it would be a bad idea.

And believe me, the little head disagreed, but I didn’t. the guy George though? He had to throw his underwear away because of the crabs…all of them. (His roommate, that we called “Dinosaur Mike” told us, laughing of course) i don’t know how people treated Janet after that, but girls laughed at George about it too. He was going on less dates than me for the remainder of Sophomore year.

6

Happened to me in reverse. 10 years ago my wife suggested I go out to Oktoberfest in Stuttgart with the guys. I did, and on the way back we stopped at a local german pub. I didn’t get back until almost 3 am. the wife went nuts about she was all worried about me, and I should have called, blah,blah blah. The next day I took her downtown, bought a cell phone and gave her the number telling her, NOW you can find me wherever I am. I was kind of pissed that she was so upset that I was out late when she had told me to go out with the boys to freakin’ Oktoberfest. What, did she think we weren’t gonna be out all night drinkin’?

Oh man…I would say I would just left, but then I wouldn’t be able to tell you about Jackie…I’ll do that some other time. She sadly died a few years ago, but man, she drove me crazy with the saving my soul stuff.

7

I was out on a blind date with a friend of my sister’s, and she happened to work at a facility that does testing on animals. The conversation went into her job, and eventually I ended up asking “Do you ever feel guilty?”

“Guilty? About what?”

“Well, you know…do you ever feel like you’re hurting the animals?”

“Actually, that’s the part I like.”

:eek:

8

College days again. My friends and I had a habit of giving other people nicknames, not to their faces, but names we referred to them by. There were names like "Country Boy" for one guy, not because he was a redneck or asnything, but because he always wore overalls and no shoes. I shit you not. Then there was 8-Ball, a girl that dressed in black all of the time and had a shaved head. But my roomie went out on a date with this one girl that we eventually called Crib Death.

She was a nice enough person, and a pretty girl. But every few weeks she would break out in these god awful sores all over her body. I don’t mean acne, either. It was like she had the plague or something. Big purplish-red *sometimes open, runny sores. *She didn’t seem to be in any discomfort, and in fact she would act like nothing was wrong. Then all of a sudden she’d be normal again in a day or so. It freaked my roomie out so he stopped seeing her. I don’t know if she told him what it was about or not.

Then there was Dana. She was hot and my friend, Tony had a big crush on her. The kind where he did anything for her, even though she was either oblivious to his affection or just using him. A guy named Carlos gave her a ride home one night. The next afternoon I see him and tells me as soon as they got to her apartment she was all over him. As he says it she turned into a super nympho and he was, well, happy to oblige. Until morning when he told her he had better be getting to class. He told me she freaked out saying he couldn’t leave, and tried to lock his clothes in her bathroom so he could not get dressed. Carlos told me he practically had to fight her to get out of there and she was screaming and throwing things at him when he left. We both advised Tony he might want to find another girl to be infatuated with. He was a little guy and if Carlos war right, she’d have eaten him alive. Funny thing is Carlos didn’t even interact with her until their night together. I did think “Damn, ***I ***should have offered a ride home!”

There was a girl named Melora…I remember her because she always dressed in black also. (she was a roommate of 8-Ball, who I know despised me) I used to stop her and say stuff "Melora! You look great today! Really, you’re beautiful.". she wasn’t bad looking but I only did it to be a wiseass. She largely ignored me when I spoke to her anyway. Then one night we’re at a party. She’s sitting on a couch. I say the whole *“Melora! Wow! You look great! But you know I’m going to stop bothering you. I mean, I get the message. I think you’re beautiful, but you think I’m a worm beneath your notice.”. *Again, I was kinda joking around…I really had little interest in her. But she grabs my hand yanks me on the couch and starts making out with me. Soon we’re writhing around so much on the whole couch my roommate even yelled across the room, **“Dude, go get a room!”. So we’re off to her place. An apartment she shared with three other chicks who all dressed in black. We used to refer to them as “The Witches”…um…we were right. Pentagrams wierd "magic"stuff, etc. Though I will admit I largely didn’t notice it til morning. She was…lets say…talented in the sack. but when I asked if I could see her again she told me “No. You’re an okay guy and a decent lay, but I only wanted to own you for a night.” .

I can’t say my feelings were hurt. (though my old roomie to this day jokes that I probably helped her give birth to the Anti christ.)

9

Several years ago I was between girlfriends and tried a dating site on a lark.

I matched up with a woman. We exchanged a few emails/chats and agreed to meet at a coffee shop for a Sunday afternoon date.

Now, you expect people to fudge their stats a bit, but not to the tune of about 50 pounds worth. All of which was centered around her belly. Because she hadn’t lost the baby fat from her three and five year olds. Whom she brought with her. Whose existence she had never mentioned.

I have no problem with dating women who aren’t in Victoria’s Secret model shape, but I do have a problem with serious misrepresentation and leaving out major information like two kids when the profile says, “No kids.”

She seemed nice enough and fairly smart, but I got chills when she kept going on about what great shape I was in and how she was certain we could find ways to, “Nudge nudge, wink wink, work in and out, together.” Yes, that’s an actual quote and, yes, she did say it in front of her kids in more than one instance.

Luckily I’d set up the old, “Call me at 2:45 to check in,” escape route if needed with a friend of mine. He called. I told her my friend had just been in an accident and needed a ride, paid our tab and left. When I got home I deleted my profile.

10

One from college: I was home on summer break and became friends with a woman (Tammy) who bartended at the bar attached to the local bowling alley. She let me know that a girl who worked there (Let’s call her Andi.) was interested in me.

The girl was incredibly cute; so I asked her out. I heard from my friend for a week how excited Andi was about going out with me, which was a huge ego boost, and I have to admit I was looking forward to it, too.

I picked her up at her parents house, talked with her mom and stepdad a bit, then took her out for dinner and a movie. Everything seemed to be going well. I walked her to her front porch and went to kiss her goodnight and ask if I could see her again. I got about one inch into the kiss lean in and heard, “Oh god. Please don’t kiss me!”

Confused, I said, “Okay. Um, have a good night.”

The next day I was talking with Tammy and said, “I have no idea what happened or where things went wrong, but she kind of flipped on me.” Tammy talked to her a bit later and found out that I’d repulsed her because I was polite to her stepdad, whom she hated. She figured anyone who wasn’t rude to and dismissive of him had to be a bad person.

Weird thing was, we were together for something like four hours and she didn’t let on a single sign that she was having anything less than a great time.

11

Man, Jolly Roger, you’ve certainly led an interesting life. I’m jealous!

The weirdest date I’ve been on wasn’t all that weird by comparison. I met this girl at a church service who was instantly all over me. She had that kinda ‘something is wrong in the head’ look to her face, but she was short with big boobs so I figured I’d give it a shot. Even though the friend who introduced me to that church service told me that she had problems. Well…

She was driving me home, and she asked me what I was doing that night. I said I was going to the bar. Even though she doesn’t drink, she said she wanted to come with. OK, fine by me. Then she wants me to call and invite a friend. I’m a little confused, but I figure it might be good to have somebody else to talk to, sure.

We get to the bar and she starts hitting on every single guy there. She actually invites guys over to our table and asks for their number in front of me. She hits on a friend of my friend so hard that he thinks we’re trying to set us up and thanks us for the effort, but he’ll have to pass. At this point, I’ve pretty much lost all interest.

We drive home, and she invites herself in. I stupidly let her in. She immediately heads to the pantry and asks for split pea soup… OK. Then she wants tea. As a host, I oblige. Then we start talking about I should stop drinking, and how I’m a bad person when I drink. I can’t stand it any longer so after she finishes her soup I tell her that I’m not interested in her that way, but that we should be friends… yada yada yada. She claims to have never liked me, but she’s obviously upset. I feel bad, but I thought that was the end of that.

She calls me the next day, and I ask about a videogame that I loaned her. She starts to cry… big tears about how special she thought we were. I end that convo fast. She then calls me like 5 times a day for the next 4 days. Follows me around at the next worship service. Luckily her friend hated me because I studied Japanese, ‘the language of the enemy,’ so she eventually stopped bugging me.

What made me upset was that it was really my fault too for being needy enough to entertain what I knew all along was probably a crazy person.

12

Was it the fact that you picked her up with a line like, “You look great, but you know what would help you look better? Being seen with me!”?

There’s liking sex, and then there’s fucking anything that has a mouth and speaks in your direction.

ETA: Where the hells did you go to college??

13

I’m disappointed in the lack of closure on this story. I want to know what she had!

14

I had already typed up my worst date experience for my blog, so pardon the “Livejournal feel”. This happened when I was sixteen.

Harmon was a friend of a friend who took a shining to me when we met at a party. My friend asked for permission to give him my phone number and I figured it couldn’t hurt–he was nice looking and had his own car, and by my adolescent logic I figured that made up for the fact that he wore cowboy boots. We talked a few times and he seemed really personable, so when he asked me out I was happy to say yes.

That Saturday he showed up at my house with another couple I knew from school, Whitney and John (gotta love the surprise double date), and we were off to Panama City to go to dinner and to Miracle Strip (a now-defunct amusement park). Now, I have always had a squirrelly stomach when it comes to thrill rides, so I was prepared with a pack of Dramamine, which I pulled out as we were finishing dinner. “You get sick?” asked Whitney. “Yeah, it’s pretty bad if I don’t take one of these,” I replied. She made a face and looked down at the remains of my dinner, obviously thinking how badly it would clash with the upholstery in her car. “Why don’t you go ahead and take two, just to be safe?” I took two.

Did you know that drowsiness is one of Dramamine’s major side effects? If yes, would you take a DeLorean back to 1989 and clue me in?

By the time we got to the park I was staggering like a drunken pirate. I grabbed Harmon by the arm for support, and he grinned down at me. “I think something’s wrong with me,” I whispered. “Can we sit down for a little while?” He led me over to a bench. I keeled over with my head in his lap, and looked up at him. The last thing I saw was his beaming face looking down at me as he stroked my hair, and I was gone.

I vaguely remember that he shook me awake about an hour later, and pulled me around the park so that we could ride some rides. I fell asleep on every single one. He eventually asked if I’d like to head home, and I gratefully said yes. We all piled in the car with Harmon and me in the back seat, and I leaned against his shoulder as I promptly passed out again.

When we were about halfway home, I started dreaming that my bra was on too tight. I began squirming in an effort to get comfortable, but the sensation only got worse and more…grope-y. I opened my eyes, and found myself staring down at Harmon’s hand, which was lodged wrist-deep in my C-cup. Would you look at that, I thought.

I had Roofied myself.

That realization did what the roller coaster couldn’t: I sat straight up, wide awake, dislodging my date’s feel-copper from my boob in the process. I unbuckled my seat belt and slid over to the other side of the seat with my back against the door and my knees pulled up to my chest and glared at him. After the adrenaline wore off my head started bobbing wearily, but I kept snapping back awake to give Harmon the stink-eye before nodding off again.

When I felt the car stop I opened my eyes, shot him one more dagger for good measure, mumbled goodbye to Whitney and John, and fumbled my way out of the car. Harmon started to open his door. “No!” I yelled, much as you would yell at a puppy who was raising its leg next to your couch, as I pointed one limp finger at him. He took his hand off the door. I stumbled inside and went to sleep with my clothes on. I never saw him again.

The more I think about it, the less sure I am of who was the worse date–him or me? If he hadn’t gone for the gold I would have said me, for sure.

15

Really the only thing that made it weird was how awful it was. I met this guy at work one summer when I had a part-time job at a movie theater. He was cute and seemed really into me; I was single and figured why the hell not. So, he asks if I wanted to go out some night. I say sure. He asks if I want to go bowling. Again, sure - it’s cheap and it’s fun.

So we arrange for him to pick me up at seven. He doesn’t show up until nearly 7:30, and doesn’t give the benefit of a call in advance. Nor does he come up to the door, just idles at the curb and honks.

Turns out he didn’t come to the door because he was on the phone. With his mother. And he continued talking as we headed off. We don’t take the fastest or easiest route but actually go ten minutes out of the way, because he doesn’t like driving on ‘busy’ (read: any more than back) roads. He gets and takes another call which lasts the rest of the ride. As we park, and he’s finally out of the phone, he tells me he hopes I don’t mind that he invited some friends along as a double date. Throughout the course of the evening, he swore at the snack-bar attendant, refused to stop smoking when his friend’s girlfriend asked him to, and at the end, tried to get me to stay in the car to make out with him by locking the door from his side. It was like he’d read an article on what not to do on a first date, but gotten very confused and thought that those were all the things he was supposed to do.

16

No one was more surprised than me when she fell for it.

I wasn’t in a position to turn down a pretty girl that was interested in me at that time. Besides, she looked normal when i met her.

while i don’t like to give out details, I went to college here.

17

I’m sorry, but you cannot leave such a weird detail hanging out there by itself. Was her friend an octogenarian WWII vet? That’s one of the oddest little throw away lines I’ve read here!

18

Heh, close. She was raised by her grandparents, who fought in WWII and hated the Japanese with a passion. She inherited this charming trait. According to her, it’s OK to respect Japanese culture, but it’s unacceptable to study the language and travel there. I never did really understand how that distinction worked, but I wasn’t going to ask.

As an aside, seeing as we met at a church service, I wondered how the cognitive dissonance didn’t make her head explode. Of course, the atheists on this board probably wonder that about all us religious folk :smiley:

19

I had a date once where everything was going great… I’d only met the girl twice before in passing and we went out for coffee.

After about 20 minutes of chit chat about people we knew and places we hung out at she started talking about her various skin conditions and in varying degree how much they bothered her.

She based the 3 or 4 of them on a scale of 1-10.

That was our first and only date.

20

I really fancied this guy something rotten.

Until the night he told me the story of each and every one of his ex girlfriends and how much of a psycho each and every one of them had been. I had the sudden realisation that; if I fucked him, I would instantly become psycho hose-beast #23 the next time he told this story. And every time he told the story ever after.

So I didn’t.