My Very First EuroVision Song Contest...come make your predictions!

Note the hand signals. These are important, as in a moment the spaceship from Close Encounters will be landing.

But Belgium is quite good compared to rest of the shite.

My favourite up to now.

Estonian guy is not only not hitting the notes, he’s taking a merry stroll around and over them.

Estonia’s not bad, despite extremely dodgy lyrics.

He’s a bit cute too.

Geez – someone finally sings in tune, and it’s a song Joe Jackson rejected.

Was it Estonia that had the Pulp rip-off a few years ago?

They clearly don’t understand Eurovision.

“Eighties coming back”… Subtle Estonian political commentary?

Rock the turntable, Rominem!

oh, my God, I think the Romanian woman’s voice is going to break my windows.

The wife again, I’m afraid: “Where’d she learn her English – from Ruby Wax?”

And I see Fisher Price is still making “My First Turntables”.

The guy sitting cross-legged and mixing with 2 foot records is my new hero.

He needs to front a chat show or something.

Don’t break her heart? What about my eardrums??

Just had to flee the other room again. My ears hurt because of the Romanian entry. I’m going to vote for Estonia, by the way. He was kind of cute. And he hit enough notes for me.

ABBA is back!

And judging from the Swedish entry, the Eighties are coming back. But at least they’re mostly in tune.

And employing that “uplifting” key change.

God I hate this song. I seem to have heard it everywhere for the past month.

Belgium so far my favourite.

Also liked: Norway, Germany, Ireland and Iceland.

Did like the Polish woman’s voice, but the fella’s voice was as if he smoked 90 fags a day, drank rotgut, and had just gargled with razor blades…

I sort of resent that. But they’re going to hit it big. Remember my words when it comes to tallying the vote.

It’s Hungry Like The Wolf!

Hot pink hot pants??