So. I’ve been working around the yard all day. My wife and daughter went to get hair cuts. My son and I went for a swim. Peaceful.
When my wife gets home I tell her I’m going to buy a newspaper. (This is after already defrosting some steaks and starting some baked potatoes.)
When I get home from my newspaper journey, I find my wife has bought some fresh vegetables while out for her appointment. Great, except she has stuffed them into the fridge on top of, and in communion with other vegetables that aren’t so fresh.
My comment: If you’re going to buy fresh vegetables then why not throw out the obviously “unfresh” vegetables while you’re putting the new ones away? She does this all the fucking time, and I’m the only one who EVER goes through the fridge on garbage day. Why the fuck is it my sole responsibility to discard old food?
Then I go to the bathroom and notice (for the 1,000th time) that she has finished the last roll of T.P, and instead of replacing it, has put the new roll on the counter and not taken 10 fucking seconds while she’s there to replace the old roll with the new roll.
OK - Deep breath.
So, I confront her on both of these issues (and it’s like the millionth fucking time for both) and she explodes, and grabs both kids (9 and 10) and sticks them in the car! So I get to the garage to see them pulling out of the driveway; both of my kids looking at me like “why isn’t Daddy coming?”
So, now I’m deciding, should I just pack up and go to a friend’s house for the night, or swallow my pride and hang tough till they come home.
She’s no doubt convincing my kids right now that Daddy is the bad guy, and unless we left him and went out for supper there would be problems. (There have never been problems. My wife’s a fucking bitch and I don’t know how to survive any longer.)
Good move, placing the kids in between us, asshole.
First things first: replace the TP. We don’t want a “On toilet and no TP: Need answer FAST” thread cropping up here.
I’m not married, (and I’m definitely not married to your wife,) but I’ve never been in a relationship where letting a problem fester helps things. She’s already giving some space and time by going out to dinner with the kids, so hopefully she’ll be in a better mood when she returns.
But in addition to resolving minor domestic issues (which I know can be the most trying of all, given that they’re the ones that crop up time and time again), you now have to deal with how she responds. Hopefully, she didn’t plan on using the kids as a weapon against you, but she should know that you feel like she did that.
I hate to break it to you, but nobody in this thread is going to be able to give you “fast help” with this. It sounds like you have problems significantly deeper and more problematic than just “I had a tiff with my wife, how should I patch things up?”
Besides which, the scenario as you described it doesn’t really have enough info, in my opinion, to be able to say what’s going on or who should do what to fix it. How exactly did you “confront” your wife about the TP thing and the vegetables? Does she know that these things (which, I’ll be honest here, seem like pretty small and inconsequential things to get this upset about) make you insane with rage? Does she have a history of badmouthing you to your kids whenever you have a fight? Why do you think she’s a fucking bitch? Is it just because of this one incident or is there a lot more history behind this?
Also, regarding the issue of “there have never been problems,” am I remembering correctly that in one of the recent parenting threads around here, you professed pride in the fact that your kids are afraid of you when you’re angry? Is it possible that your wife (and, perhaps your kids as well) see this as a problem whereas you do not? I don’t know you, don’t know your family, but it seems not impossible that this could be a factor.
On preview, it sounds so petty. But it’s not. The kids were rounded up and herded into the car without me on a perfectly normal Saturday afternoon. For those with small kids, i hope you can see the significance. How wonderful it is for them to experience their mother’s accepting personality.
I have to say, if the new roll is within reach, then replace it yourself while you’re just sitting there reading Consumer Reports. Possibly 'cause I live by myself, and that’s what I do - just throw the new roll in the general direction of the toilet and position it on the holder next time.
As to the rest of it, just chill until you can talk to her. Talking to her while you’re not in front of the kids would be best.
Going by the information given in this thread, you’ve called your wife a cunt and said you’re going to start divorce proceedings based on the fact that she 1) put new vegetables next to old vegetables in the fridge, 2) didn’t put the new toilet paper roll where it’s supposed to go, and 3) got upset with you when you bitched her out for it and took the kids out for dinner on her own.
If you want to convince me (or, I suspect, anyone else in this thread) that you’re the good guy here, some more explanation would be handy.
Dude, I’m trying to be on your side here. Obviously, there are plenty of issues surrounding this that we don’t know about. Now you’re letting a thousand small slights blow up inside you. Catharsis like this isn’t that bad, it’s a thousand times better you’re telling us that your wife is a cunt than telling her that (she’s not a Doper, right?)
But so far, all you’ve given us is an example of a thoughtless woman, not a control freak idiot. We’re all thoughtless at times… a control freak is the sort of person who can’t deal with those times in others.
No, we are not assuming that because you are the male that you are to blame.
That you think that tells me that you have bigger issues than the TP.
I don’t know what is wrong between you and your wife; small household things can and do irritate me as well, as they do most people (we all have our pet peeves). Calling names and badmouthing her here does not solve your problem (but probably makes you feel better).
Take a deep breath. Why are you so angry at her? Are you afraid that she’ll tell the kids something bad about you? Is it because your steaks etc are now not going to be for dinner? Is it really the veg and TP? Can you gain any perspective on this at all?
I don’t think there is a “bad guy” here—if you really want a divorce from this bitchy cunt, then find a lawyer and start proceedings. Or maybe you could just talk to her adult to adult.
Going back, reading my own posts, you guys are right.
Obviously there’s more to it than just this. This could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Please don’t prejudge me. It may be easy to do from these bursts. You don’t know me, and you definitely don’t know my wife. I can’t imagine anyone here with kids thinking that it would be OK for your SO to unilaterally scoop up the kids and leave you at home, in the garage, with your hands in the WTF position.
Try to comprehend please, that I may in fact be the sane one in all of this.
By all means, use us as your sounding board. Once you’ve calmed down and figured out your top three issues with her, then you can talk to her. I don’t suggest talking to (at) her right now–you’re still upset.
I hope things get better. I have a sneaking feeling you feel abandoned by your wife and maybe even pictured in your head her scooping up the kids and leaving for good like this one day? Just a thought.
All right, now, Leaffan, first let’s chill out. Obviously something’s wrong, and you can handle it well, but you need to be calm first, OK? I speak from long, hard experience, and the reason I’ve been married for over ten years now is largely due to the fact that I learned relationship lessons the hard way. We’re on your side, and we want to get you through this and out the other end as peacefully as possible. I’ll bet money that most people who’ve come into this thread have dealt with this sort of thing.
Now what do you do to chill out? Yardwork? Meditation? Whatever it is, take ten minutes off from this thread and do that. Just that. If you don’t have anything in your life that chills you out, then I believe we’ve found the answer right there. But let’s leave that for later. If nothing else, get back out there and do yardwork. Yardwork is very relaxing. It’s like active meditation.
. . . . . .
Have you done your ten minutes? OK. Now first of all
The best advice about this sort of thing I ever got was from my grandmother. Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight, and no matter what the outcome, don’t go to sleep without telling her you love her.
Actually, I’ve got to run now. But that’s a good start, I’d say.
Jeez, Leaffan, this sounds like a page from a day in the life of my brother and his ex-wife (yeh, they divorced with three kids in the mix). Sorry to hear things aren’t going so well. The situation with my brother was a bit different though - a toxic combination of his infidelity and her chronic bitchiness. It kind of fed on itself until they split up. From outside looking in, it seems like the issues that are grating on you are relatively minor ones that could be worked out without a whole lotta fuss, providing there aren’t deeper issues you don’t wish to discuss here. Please don’t misinterpret this question, but how much do you still love each other? I ask because of this:
You just told us your wife dashed out in a huff and you’re considering leaving for the night over an argument about, basically, toilet paper and old food in the fridge. To answer your question, I don’t think those are significant enough issues (just IMHO) to warrant escalating the situation by leaving for the night in retaliation. Unless there is more going on here. If you guys really still have the love for each other that brought you together in the first place, take the high road and try to talk it out. With someone else (e.g. a counselor), if you feel it’s necessary. Whenever I get ticked off at my wife for something or other (I’m kinda high-strung; this happens to me for no real serious reason sometimes) I can usually right myself by remembering the earlier days and how much we really do, in fact, love each other.
Then you are boned, as your wife is one crazy psycho and rady for the looney bin. She’d have to be if you are the sane one.
Mate, your posts here tells us you have issues. We can’t talk to your wife. But looking at what you posted here, you are one scary dude right now. YOU need to calm down. Then maybe you can convince us you are not somehow flying way off the handle for tiny little things.
I’m confused. Growing up, I would go out to eat with just mom or just dad all the time. Granted it was usually - but not always - after violin lessons or soccer practice or something. Once it was because we’d just gotten back from a trip, eight hours in the car. Dad wanted to go out to eat, mom didn’t, they argued about it, dad took my sister and I out to eat. I’m guessing that for them dinner served as a cooling off period, and they talked out whatever was going on.
Seriously, man, read your thread title. It’s not “my wife decided to pack up the kids and left the state” or even “my wife decided to pack up the kids and spend the weekend with Grandma”. It’s dinner.
Calm down, take a couple deep breaths. When your kids get home, read them a story and tuck them into bed or whatever. Then sit down and at least try to have a calm, rational conversation with your wife, because it looks pretty obvious that this is not the problem, the problem is something that’s been there for a while and is starting to bubble over.
I know how that petty shit can drive a person nuts. Absolutely.
What you’ve written here is pretty whack - I’m not sure if you want to hear about things others have done that have helped their marriages…or…how to find a lawyer.
What is it you want?
Also, don’t assume that your wife has some kind of magic ability to destroy your relationship with your kids. Nah. If you’ve been on here posting about your use of intimidation with them, I’d say you probably don’t need her help.
Your “good guy/bad guy” thinking is strange. Usually we’re all some good/some bad. I believe you that your wife has been irritating (on at least some scale), just like I believe that you’re overreacting.