We certainly hope so…we’ve gotten along very well with these guys, and we’d certainly love to stay in the baby’s life once the “business” part of this is done. One of the guys is much more feminine than the other, and my wife talks to him on the phone for a good hour every day – their “girl talk” time, as they call it.
Trouble right now is that M&M don’t want to know about any home testing results – they don’t want any indication either way until a blood test is performed (which is tomorrow). However, it’s pretty clear that she’s pregnant, so it’s taking all the willpower in the world for her not to scream “I’m pregnant!!” to them. (also, check the first part of Post #18)
Ok, I can break this down:
Step 1: Decide to become a surrogate.
Step 2: Find someone looking for a surrogate.
It’s an oversimplification, but really that’s pretty much it.
Once my wife decided that yes, she really, really wanted to do this, it was just a matter of going into the online surrogacy community and putting the word out that she was available. M&M contacted her, and they talked via e-mail for awhile. It was a very good fit, in part because we happen to live only about 15 minutes away from the clinic they were planning on using (it’s not unheard of for a surrogate to have to fly across the country for the embryo transfer). We hashed out an agreement, and then hired a surrogacy attorney to draw up the official paperwork.
That’s about it…there is no real governing body overseeing surrogacy, so there’s nothing like psych testing or health checks. A particular clinic may insist on checking out a prospective surrogate, but that would be their call.
Something to keep in mind is that the surrogacy laws, on a state-by-state basis, are all over the map. For instance, we live in New Jersey, M&M live in New York and the egg donor lives in Connecticut. However, because they’re the most surrogate-friendly state nearby, we’ll be going into Pennsylvania to deliver the child. In Pa., you can petition a judge to grant a pre-birth order that would put both M&M’s names on the birth certificate, while my wife’s would not. After all, M&M are the parents here, so they’re the ones who should appear on the paperwork.
As for Rigamarole, I fully agree with you – I can’t imagine doing something like this and not getting paid. However, if we were better off financially (much better off, says I), then I know she would do it without pay. Like I said, the money is pretty far down on the list of reasons for her to be doing this. I’ve found that this is a very common sentiment in the surrogate community – doing it just for the money is almost unheard of. You’ve got to really want to help someone out to take a step like this.
Hell, I cringe inside when a good friend asks me to help move a couch. I couldn’t imagine doing like what she’s doing. I’d heap praise on her, but I’m probably a bit biased. 
