I notice a common theme here. When the man cheats on the woman, his wife is often portrayed as a harridan, overbearing, and he often doesn’t even seem to have a choice but to cheat. When the woman cheats, often it’s a completely ordinary guy but her “true love” is somewhere else.
Perhaps it’s confirmation bias?
I also feel like we see the woman whose husband is ordinary but unexciting, trying to find passion. The Madame Bovary type woman, that is. I can’t think of any movie examples right off the top of my head (well, Madame Bovary was made into movies, I suppose).
That’s a good one.
Anaamika, you could argue that movies almost always portray cheating as something that the characters involved in it feel like they have to do - there’s always a justification for it.
The Piano has already been mentioned: a truly despicable movie, it’s just old Harlequin romance rape fantasy wine in a new feminist bottle: if it had had Michael Winner on the credits rather than Jane Campion, it would have been pilloried; since it was directed by a Respected Woman Director, though, it was somehow laudable for her to chuck Sam Neill’s pomade wearing hair-comber in favour of Harvey Keitel’s tattoo sporting willy-brandisher. What the fuck was the dumb bitch thinking in lugging a grand piano to 19th Century New Zealand and expecting people to carry it up muddy mountains for her anyway? I suppose if the movie had been called The Piccolo it would have been a fuck of a lot shorter. Fuck, I hate that movie.
Ahem. Sympathetic cheaters? Uh, Lady Chatterley?
If I remember, wasnt’ this movie one piece of evidence for Susan Faludi in Backlash? She argues that single career women are often described as lunatics in films and TV while the only truly grounded women are wives and mothers. In Fatal Attraction, Douglas has an affair that ends up putting his entire family in physical danger, but for some reason he just isn’t held accountable for any of it.
That goes back at least to the 12th century. Blame Andreas Capellanus if you want.
I have a bit of a dispute with this one, in that it’s pretty difficult to call what the Pleasantville couple had a “marriage” in the first place. After all, this is a '50s sitcom and it’s made abundantly clear that there was NO SEX anywhere in Pleasantville until Tobey and Reese hit the scene. Since the couple involved had never had sex, did not know what sex was, and had never slept in the same bed it kinda argues that she “cheated” on him. How can it be cheating if it was never a part of the landscape in the first place? After all, what turned Joan Allen’s grey cheeks pink was initially an act of self abuse, Jeff Daniels came into the picture way later than that and technically Jeff snagged her actual cherry. The only betrayal the William Macy character felt was that he came home and there was NO DINNER–it was the diversion of her attention and her absenting herself from her expected role that was the betrayal, NOT that she had sex with someone else.
Nope, don’t think this one actually fits the category! 
I don’t think she was married to Damon.
Anyway, I’m surprised no one’s mentioned either the book or movie The End of the Affair. Not only is one of the cheater’s sympathetic (i.e., the character played by Julianne Moore), it turns out she may be a saint with healing powers.
You missed listing the best one I can think of, even though you mentioned the movie.
When I saw this thread I immediately thought of Terms of Endearment, because of the sympathetic portrayal of the man Debra Winger’s character cheats with, a shy and lonely man (played by John Lithgow) whose wife is very ill and has been for years. I didn’t like the cheating, but I did feel sympathy for both of them, especially him.
Two pages and no Casablanca?!
What about the Door in the Floor? The Kim Basinger character was somewhat sympathetic. Not so much the Jeff Bridges character.
Sure, but all of them are women, as kingpengvin said… Bridges of Madison County. Titanic. Anaamika makes an excellent point too.
Okay, I admit it; I saw Danielle Steele’s Crossings back in the 80’s.
Lee Horsley’s character, Nick Burnham, definitely had the audience’s sympathy when he threw over Jane Seymour for Cheryl Ladd.
In the classic comedy Topper, Cosmo Topper cheats on his irritating, overbearing wife with a ghost.
(I mean, he has an affair with a ghost, not that his wife has a ghost…)
Oh, and the ghost is in turn cheating on her husband, who is also a ghost. Death didn’t them part, y’see.
It’s hard to classify this as cheating. After all, Laszlo basically *told *Isla to sleep with Rick if that’s what it took to get the papers.
Yeah, but how romantic would that be? That would be like a Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan film where one of them isn’t stalking the other. Speaking of which:
Well, and he doesn’t have a dead wife or a cute kid. The cad!
To be fair, I don’t think her husband ever consumated the marriage, so she’s been going a good 16+ years without sex. (Of course, so is everyone else in Pleasantville; it’s surprising the entire town doesn’t bust into an orgy once Reese Witherspoon introduces the carnal delights to the residents.) And he’s pretty much a clueless drip, too.
Stranger
Rhett Butler in “Gone With The Wind.” Of course, Scarlett lusts in her heart for Ashley and kicks Rhett out of her bedroom.
Shug Avery in “The Color Purple” who sleeps with damn near everyone in the movie, her marriage be damned.
Ah, I don’t have much sympathy for Ilsa. She bounces from one man to another like the village bicycle. She leaves Rick standing at the train station in Paris with this impossibly vague explanation of why she can’t see him ever again, and she doesn’t even do it in person; she sends a note. (Would it be so hard to say, “Baby, I discovered that my dead husband is alive, and I have to support him.”) And then, after throwing herself at Rick in order to get those “Letters of Transit” (which will somehow permit a hunted fugitive and his wife to leave French Morocco despite apparent German control of the Prefect’s office) she agrees to toss her husband to the Nazis in order to escape with her lover. She’s really kind of a nasty, manipulative piece of work and Rick was smart to send her packing.
I can’t say much for Lazlo, as well; he’s wanted by the Nazis so he shows up in Casablanca and immediately riles people into singing “Les Marseilles” to drown out the Germans. Way to keep a low profile there, buddy. The only genuinely intelligent characters in the film are Captain Renault and Sam the piano man. Maybe Signor Ferrari as well; after all, he does end up with the Café Américain.
Stranger
I don’t believe Casablanca quite fits.
When Ilsa was with Rick in Paris, she believed her husband was dead. After she and Victor were in Casablanca, she was prepared to cheat on her marriage, but it never happened.
But… but… she’s so smokin’ hot!