– Hey! Scylla’s wife has started posting! Welcome to the SDMB!
Great OP but :: sniff sniff :: I smell major exaggeration!! 
"Love, soft as an easy chair
Love, fresh as the morning air
One love that is shared by two
I have found with you
Like a rose, under the April snow
I was always certain love would grow
Love, ageless and evergreen
Seldom seen by two"
I could write similar things about my husband, who I love very dearly and would never want to be without. Sometimes you gotta just vent!
Zette
Couldn’t you just have run down to the Sizzler for some high-toned eats?
I have a mental picture of a grumpy guy in a spotted Italian suit, haranguing the server for a fresh glass of city water…
HEY! You lay off your wife mister! Some of us would KILL for a wife like yours! [min]… dog gone dont know what you got nogoodnic…[/min]
Hey Scylla old boy, it sounds like she’s trying to ‘train’ you, but you are just proving to be a bloody slow learner.
But the SHARE BEAR stuff would’ve sent me packing too~:D
Be advised that you are only hearing one side of these stories.
My wife probably has a few herself, like that time I got drunk at the church social and put the pastor in a headlock…
But we don’t need to go into that.
These things are the spice of ten years of marriage, and I’m glad they happen. They give me something to throw back in the Mrs.'s face when I commit some inexcusable atrocity.
And, about the injury thing. The truth is, that sometimes, maybe occasionally, I might tend to be just a little bit of a blowhard.
No. Really. It’s true.
Anyway, my wife knows that when something happens and I start yelling and screaming and cursing and blaming evewrybody, well, I’m OK.
When things get really really bad I don’t tend to make much noise, and when I get really angry I don’t yell (I can’t stop smiling and I giggle uncontrollably.)
My wife runs away because…
She likes to be chased.
There was that time when I told her not to wear those revealing shorts, and she said “I’ll wear what I want. You can’t tell me what to do,” and I said “Oh yes I can,” and she ran out the door and I chased her into the woods and then I caught her, and took them off her because she was being very very bad and then…
I knew she couldn’t cook when I married her.
Finally, I know that that if we were keeping track of these kinds of things, my wife and I, there’s no doubt which ledger would be fuller.
That still doesn’t excuse the liverwurst, and my right to bitch is Godgiven.
I wanna hear about the headlocked pastor!
If someone I was theoretically in love with willfully left me trapped, injured, under functioning heavy machinery, assuming I escaped alive my next movements would not be towards them, but away from them.
Your wife’s behaviour strikes me as completely surreal. I wouldn’t leave a complete stranger trapped, injured, under functioning heavy machinery, let alone my husband.
I wouldn’t leave a stranger underneath the motorsickle either, but a HUSBAND , well, that’s another matter altogether.
:sigh:
I guess you had to be there.
In all seriousness, there have been two times in my life when I would most likely have died had I not been given help.
I’ve written about the second one before.
For a recap, I had stupidly gotten myself stuck under a snowplow I was trying to load during a snowstorm, and for half an hour or so I was being crushed and frozen while I struggled.
I was numb and almost unconscious.
My wife found me, tried to go for help, but could find nobody. She got me out from under that thing by herself.
She spent a week, immobile, in a hospital bed in a great deal of pain to prevent a placenta previa from seperating further so that my unborn daughter would have every possible chance at life. She left home at 17 for reasons that I am not free to discuss. You’ll have to take my word at the courage it took and the horrible circumstances. When push came to shove she turned her back on her own sister to stand by me.
She knows what a real emergency is, and she knows what loyalty means.
I’ve already said that you’ve only heard one side of these stories, but I guess I need to be more explicit. I guess my liverwurst inspired wrath went a little too far, and my stories were a little too one-sided.
I certainly never thought in my wildest dreams that Mattmcl would be taking my side in a conflict.
I really can’t say anything more about the motorcycle incident other than my wife had expressed her displeasure and concern about me riding a streetbike in the fields, and that she could tell from my behavior that I was not seriously hurt.
As for the air conditioner, she had warned me that she didn’f feel comfortable but I had insisted. She maintains, that she did not push back, but up, and that as she was higher on the stairs and crouched, she had little leverage. She maintains the alternative to pushing up would have been to let the air conditioner fall forwards on top of her. She maintains that it was I who overbalanced the thing by pushing forward to fast, not her.
There is however, no question about her culpability in the food incidents.
Go live ten years with somebody and see what kind of stories you can tell.
I love her more than life itself, and she deserves it.
Goddammit though, that liverwurst sucked, and I felt that I’ve written enough complimentary things about her in the last two years that my bitching (and that’s what it is,) is more than called for.
I think this is an excellent cautionary tale, Scylla. We all should be very careful when choosing a life partner, whether we be male or female. Otherwise we could find ourselves squashed under a mtorcycle while our spouse admonishes us for getting squashed under a motorcycle. Not a pretty picture.
Hey, Scylla, thanks for sharing. 
I got me a good little laugh out of your anecdotes. I think that more folks need to see that even in the best of marriages folks have differences and stuff. The point is that you love someone and accept them flaws and all. In marriage that works both ways. I didn’t find anything too disturbing or harmful in what you posted. I very much got the sense that you and Mrs. Scylla love each other very much, and you are aware of each other’s flaws, though some days those flaws annoy the bejesus out of you both, but it’s those little annoyances that add spice to life and that strengthen your committment.
Then you need to revise your telling of the motorcycle story to make it clear that you are in no serious risk because this makes it sound like you are:
"The exhaust pipe is laying against my leg, and the bike is still in gear. The chain is cutting into my other leg as it spins the back wheel. My knees and elbows are laid wide open and bleeding, and for a moment I’m dazed before the pain from the muffler brings me to my senses. I struggle, trying to reach the key and shut the thing off. "
If that is accurate, then your wife sounds psychotic for leaving you there. When she refuses to open the door and makes it seem she is afraid to open it because you’ll hurt her, that doesn’t sound like a joke. That sounds like she is either irrational or she has reason to expect that you might actually hurt her.
If that story wasn’t I would be a very upset wife if I read it.
Scylla is by far the King of exaggeration, in my readings of his stories. His hyperbole is unmatched and always funny to me. I have no doubt that his motorcycle incident was grossly exaggerated, and if he’d been screaming in agony from the incident, his wife would have immediately helped him.
Unfortunately for Scylla, many people here have been victims of abusive spouses who really WOULD leave them in a dangerous situation or really have been afraid to let their SO in the house. His humor gets lost sometimes in the reality of some people’s lives.
Just like I feel about my husband. I love him, I would kill or die for him, but some days I want to run him through the woodchipper. All part of that wonderful institution of marriage
PS- regarding the liverwurst sandwich. I agree- you should get lunch/dinner at the club if her special treat is a liverwurst sandwich. She at least could have made some frozen fried chicken or somethin;! (my former specialty until I learned to cook)
Zette
I think I would read this whole thing differently if I’d known you were going for a humorous effect. Taken seriously, it sounds like you are one of those guys who can find nothing but fault with your wife. The cooking thing made me think you need to get off your ass and make your own dinner if your standards are so high. The air conditioner made me think you shouldn’t have been moving something that heavy without competent burly help. The bike thing, it’s like obfusciatrist said. Really creepy if you weren’t joking.
I guess I’m just in a fucking bitchy mood.
Whassamatter, cranky? Cat got your… oh never mind.
If you really want to pick on him for something, ask him where Ewes Sluts Pt II is. I found the first two installments and emailed them to him, but it’s up to him post them again (if he so desires).
Still, doesn’t mean we can’t beg, I mean plead, I mean pick on him.
Er, yeah. Right.
inkblot
Lissen, buster. You think I’m not willing to drive all the way to Oklahoma to kick your ass? Because there’s nothing I’d like more.
I’m bringing the cat with me.
Well, all I can say is that when I was lying at the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun, torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike, I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell. And the last thing I see is my wife, still running, still running, running up to the house, to call her Mom, like a Bat out of Hell!
Like a bat out of hell!
Like a bat out of hell!
Like a bat out of hell!
Like a bat out of hell!
Like a bat out hell!
The air conditioner thing was a lot a worse, really.
Dude,
I think your wife rocks! Well lemme explain a bit, I think your marriage rocks!
Just to be able to 'bitch and moan' means quite a bit. Every time I've read one of your posts, I've thought.......man, they have a solid relationship. I know she's smart enough....that if she wanted you do die, you'd have helped her out a long time ago. ;)
Bitching and moaning is a part of a relationship that we've been trained lately to be immune to(or to PC to recognize)..........but, in the real world....it's what makes life a blessing. We have to be able to rant, it doesn't take away from the love you have for your wife(in fact it probably strengthens it). Every time I read your posts, I know that you dig your wife....and you love her. I guess what it comes down to for me is that you guys are buds....pals...whatever....and that's a pretty cool 'thang'... ROCK ON SCYLLA!!!