Name my hypothetical baby!

Really Not All That Bride and I are getting married on May 1st. My mother already has grandchildren, but hers doesn’t, and she’s not-subtly hinting that we better breed quick.

We’ve agreed we’ll wait at least 2 years (we’ll be 30), but we’ve already started discussing names. Girls’ names we’re good on. Boys’ names we need help with.

She likes what I like to call “quarterback names”- names which sound like building materials or landscape features: ie., Brady, Bradley, Cliff, Donovan.

I like things a bit more sedate. I want my kid to sound like the president of the Rotary Club, not like a jock- though I have nothing per se against my kids being star athletes, and indeed would hope for such an occurrence.

Weirdly, there are two names we both like which don’t fit either category. I proposed Ayrton (yes, after this guy - my childhood hero). She proposed Van (like Wilder, but not after the film character).

My surname sounds a bit like “baker” with “am” on the beginning.

So what do you guys think? With names like these, will our kids be successes? More importantly, will they avoid getting beaten up?

Forgot to mention: suggestions are welcome, too.

I’d call him Loser.

Then he’ll go on to do great things.

Please don’t. PLEASE. Just give them a name everybody can spell, okay? Abraham. Matthew. James. Joseph, after my grandfather, if you like. Not a last name, not a “unique” name.

Okay, not that suggestion.

ETA: I’m trying to avoid stereotypically Biblical names, though I’m not dead set against them. And… um… do you really think Van is hard to spell?

Scott? Jamie? Nathan? David? Steven?

Please do not name him Skyler, Tyler, Taylor, Caleb, Joshua, or Jacob, because I do not like those names.

Better yet, have a girl and name her Sasha. I love that name.

Skyler and Tyler are quarterback names.

Scott is her dad’s name, and a possibility. Jamie/James, David and Steven are (a) biblical, and (b) sound really, really weird with my surname.

I have a cousin named Nathan, and it’s a possibility, but I will have to shoot the boy if anyone starts calling him Nate.

I think Van is not a name.

Since I wouldn’t let my husband name our child this, I’ll recommend it to you: Vartan.

He found it in a baby name book, and thought it sounded like the coolest name ever. Immediately I tried to counter the suggestion by saying that, no, it has to be a saint’s name… Turns out, St. Vartan was a 5th-century martyr. I decided to just overrule him at that point, but it is a pretty badass-sounding name, don’t you think? :slight_smile:

I’m very partial to Colin but it is probably because that’s what my youngest is named. :slight_smile:

Not only is it nearly a composite of our two favorites, it will strike fear into the hearts of his enemies.

Fuck the Rotary Club! :cool:

My stepbrother’s name is Sas(c)ha and he’s not somebody I want my kid emulating.

I think Van sounds a lot less beat-up-able than Ayrton. The -ton ending always sounds a bit pretentious and snooty to me: Preston, Clayton, Clinton, Winston. And of course, Thurston Howell III.

You also have to consider pronunciation - both how you choose to say it, and how everyone else will. Your guy apparently said it “aˈiɾtõ” (something like AH-ear-tone, without pronouncing the final “n”), but most Americans will probably say something like “aɪ’ɜrtən” (EYE-er-tun) or “ɛɹ’tn” (AIRT-n). And quite a few will try them all, every time: “Hey, uh, EYEertun, AIRTn, ARTin, whateveryournameis…” Whatever your opinion of Van as a name, at least everyone will know how to say it.

As someone who grew up with an unpronounceable last name (even my mom never really got it right), I can attest that it’s a pain in the ass. I can only imagine the headaches if it were my first name.

Van Johnson and Van Morrison would disagree with you.

How about Ethan?

IIRC you’re a Brit, no? So I think it must be Nigel, Simon, Basil or, my favorite, St. John.

I’ve always been partial to Martin( actually I prefer Martine but you may find that too fussy) or Lane.

That’s a good point. I was going to go with Airt-n, not being Brazilian, and I figured everyone else would default to that pronunciation, but I see this is not the case.

I’m a Briton of Indian descent living in the US. Call me a Brinderican. :smiley:

She suggested Ethan but it reminds me of Ethan Frome, the most boring book ever written. Otherwise I’m totally okay with it.

I like Griffith and Morgan. Don’t go with Cliff only because I knew a Cliff and he was a real weirdo.

Or you could always go with Seven.

My daughter, had she been my son, would have been Duncan. I think that might fit both of your criteria.

How about Baby? It’s unisex, too.

I would go with Alowishious. I you want an alternative, I call sell you the rights to Shagnasty for a fee. PM me if you are interested.

And Bingo was his name-o!