If my balls were tennis sized, you’ve aced the competition often enough to deserve a gold medal. Just not in the important threads. 
Not me, but my mum. She was a serious contender for the Ugandan Olympics sprint team back in the late '60s. In fact, from what she says, she did make the team, in terms of times, but she’s of Asian-Indian descent, which, given the politcal climate at the time there, whilst she qualified for the team on the basis of ability, she was disqualified on the basis of her skin colour.
If they ever make Jeopardy or Trivial Pursuit Olympic sports, I’m set… otherwise, forget it.
I like to think I would have been a pretty good gymnast if I hadn’t grown giant boobs at the age of eight and screwed up my center of gravity.
I say I like to think it. In reality, I think I’d only qualify if channel-surfing was added to the schedule.
I’m going to have to go with swimming. I do well enough in the 200 and 400 frees. Had I swam in college I might have been really good.
Softball. If I’d ever been really serious about it, I could have been really good.
I’m really good at badminton, too.
I could be an incompetent judge.
I coulda / woulda/ shoulda (maybe) have been able to make the GB (field) hockey squad, once upon a time, if it wasn’t for the twin vices of beer and women.
Of course, anyone who how has watched the performance of the GB hockey team in the Olympics would be quite sure to note this would not in any way put me in the position of contender for anything. ( except maybe a very large spoon made from wood )
I was actually really good at Ping Pong (or Table Tennis, if you want to be all official about it). I’m not really sure how one becomes an Olympic Ping Ponger, though. I never heard of any leagues or anything, so I just stopped playing after high school.
I also happen to rock at beer pong, but I doubt that would ever become an Olympic sport.
I may well have made it in shooting. I was a born marksman, apparently, qualifying at a sharpshooter level the first time I ever fired a rifle. I was a natural born sniper. Maybe it’s genetic; my father was a wonderful shot as well.
But I just was never interested enough in it to do anything with it outside of the army.
Team Handball and Rowing. As is my understanding, it is really helpful to be tall and powerful in these sports. I just had little to no idea they existed in my youth.
Volleyball, no question. I played in a very competitive league at the local club and held my own, but my back won’t take it any more.
Oftentimes the larger colleges have at least campus/intramural clubs for things like table tennis. I know UMD did, as I was friends with a guy who got theirs back off the ground, and would have joined if not for the fact that I was spending too much time working and being a student to really attend regularly.
As for my own aspirations (delusions), I think I too could have done wonderfully in badminton. In middle school we had intramural sports and I, playing by myself in the doubles-sized court, won the tournament handily against teams, many of them the popular-jock-type kids.
I was a pretty good swimmer in my day. But my older stepbrother was the athlete in the family, and when I learned I was good at swimming I was just starting to get into other things - girls, Star Wars, etc.
Back when I was on the Telemark Division of the Canadian National Ski Team, the Olympics was willing to add either telemark skiing or snowboarding as an Olympic event, but not both. They added snowboarding.
Flatwater kayaking. I was very fast as a teen - really should have kept up with it.
In fact, one of the women in Athens right now trained at the Calgary Canoe Club.
The sun just cracking the horizon. The lake calm as a mirror. Pounding out the strokes – legs driving, shoulders swinging, blade ripping through the water.
I did enough competitive sports as a kid to know that there’s a big, big difference between me and them. Physical ability, personality, family support, you name it. And, BTW, I was pretty good at several sports. But when I went up against the kids who were much better, and then found out that some of them didn’t even make it to Division I scholarships, forget it.
And a whole lot of money. Never underestimate the anount of money that goes into a medal winning Olympian.
I could have made it in cricket as an off-spin bowler, if I’d started playing at age 6 or so instead of age 22.
And if I’d been able to do something about my back and migraine problems.
And if the USA Cricket Association selection process wasn’t hopelessly biased.
And if the USA ever managed to qualify for Olympic competition.
And if cricket ever became an Olympic sport. Which it shouldn’t, anyway.
OK, I admit it. The best chance I ever had, or have, of getting into the Olympics is to buy a ticket. Or maybe I could finally break down and take that Cricket Umpires’ Association exam and then…