The Slashdot article. – Click with reckless abandon.
Idiotic goddamned USPO (United States Piddlyshit Office) issues patents for things that are new and useful. Let me break that down:
[li]USEFUL: Has a valid use that could make the inventor money if he is given a monopoly on its production. That, after all, is what a patent is: The inventor agrees to publicise the details of his fine invention (instead of keeping them a trade secret) and, in return, becomes the only person who is legally able to produce the invention for a certain amount of time. Do all of these inventions have a use? Well, EBay certainly thinks databases that can be accessed online have a use. One of the patents covers that. So, that patent covers a useful invention.[/li][li]NEW: Did not exist twenty years ago. Did not exist thirty years ago. New means that it has been around less than a year. Preferably, it has been around on the close order of the time it takes to file a patent application. So the above-mentioned patent, on a database that can be queried from a remote machine, is not fucking valid.[/li][/ul]What, exactly, has NCR patented? Well, the patents are linked to from the article. But they are legalese and techspeak, not the most conducive to light reading. One of my fellow Slashdotters has summarized them, along with his appraisals of the validity of the steaming piles of verbal yak-dung:
All spelling errors are the Slashdotter’s.
How did this shit happen? How did the USPO manage to overlook the fact that whole industries are based around what NCR has patented? Shit. Anyone with a modicum of knowledge … fuck that, anyone who can fucking read knows those patents are stupid and should never have been issued. The USPO is supposed to review patents with an eye to spotting those that are stupider than a crack-smoking pickle.
There’s this thing called `prior art’ in patentland: It means that if you try to patent something I’ve been making or doing since before you filed the patent application, the USPO is supposed to recognize the fact that what you are trying to patent is old news and reject your patent application. There may be a hearing of some type, I don’t know. But the system is supposed to weed out patent applications that would violate the prior art rule.
The USPO has taken the prior art rule, folded it into a small pyramid, and told Michael Jackson to carve it into the perfect nose.
The USPO has taken the prior art rule, formed it into the shape of an anthrax spore, and given it to Saddam Hussein.
I say we dissolve the USPO and replace it with the Marx Brothers, under the guidance of Groucho Marx as Rufus T. Firefly. The new Office of Homeland Idiocy and Bad Soup would be twice as efficient as the USPO and require a fraction of the funding.
Then we get Mike Tyson to show NCR’s bloodsucking legal team, in the process of defending the indefensible through attacking the innocent, the true meaning of corporate restructuring and downsizing.
Who’s with me?