Need Dale Carnegie quote

I remember reading in one of the books that this man has written, most likely “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, of an incident where he complimented an over-worked postal employee. When he brought up the incident in class one of the men asked what he was trying to get out of the man. Then Dale let-loose with a pretty good rant about why we feel we need to get something out of somebody in order to be nice.

Unfortunately, I don’t remember what exactly Dale says but would like to use it for a disagreement I’m having with someone at http://www.pyroto.com. If anyone remember’s which book this was in (he wrote several) and hopefully where in the book it would greatly help my efforts of finding this at the library. Thank you.

I think you are referring to Carnegie’s anecdote in HTWFAIP, Part Two (Six Ways To Make People Like You), Chapter Six, “How To Make People Like You Instantly”.

It opens the chapter. I own a 1937 hardcover edition…it’s on pages 130-131 of my book.

Should I type it out for you?

You rock. If it is at the beginning of a chapter, I should be able to find it and type it out myself. Of course if you want to be an absolute saint you could e-mail it to me. I can’t promise you anything in return except a mention of you’re name in the next MPSIMS crush thread.

However if you believe in Dale’s point you’re obviously not expecting anything anyways. :wink:

I am quoted in HTWFAIP. In the part about using the other person’s name, the story about Eunice the food server is an excerpt from my speech. Winning speeches in the DC Course are forwarded to the headquarters, and some are added to the next edition of the book.

I’m not a big supporter of Carnegie. IMHO, he takes good ideas and uses them to be manipulative.

It’s interesting that anyone even remembers him, let alone uses him as a MB cite. What is your thread about?

From “How To Win Friends and Influence People”, 1937 edition.

(I understand, according to earlier posts in this thread, that the book is frequently revised, so you may want to double-check that it is still in the book. Capitalizations are Carnegie’s)
"Chapter Six

How To Make People Like You Instantly

I was waiting in line to register a letter in the Post Office at Thirty-Third Street and Eighth Avenue in New York. I noticed that the registry clerk was bored with his job–weighing envelopes, handing out the stamps, making change, issuing receipts–the same monotonous grind year after year. So I said to myself: "I am going to try to make that chap like me. Obviously, to make him like me, I must say something nice, not about myself, but about him. So I asked myself, ‘What is there about him that I can honestly admire?’ That is sometimes a hard question to answer, especially with strangers; but, in this case, it happened to be very simple, for he had a magnificent head of hair.

So, while he was weighing my envelope, I remarked: “I certainly wish I had your head of hair.”

He looked up, half-startled, his face beaming with smiles. “Well, it isn’t as good as it used to be,” he said modestly. I assured him that although it might have lost some of its pristine glory, nevertheless it was still magnificent. He was immensely pleased. We carried on a pleasant little conversation and the last thing he said to me was: “Many people have admired my hair.”

I’ll bet that chap went out to lunch that day walking on air. I’ll bet he went home that night and told his wife about it. I’ll bet he looked in the mirror and said: “It is a beautiful head of hair.”

I told this story once in public; and a man in the audience inquired: “What did you want to get out of him?”

What was I trying to get out of him!!! Great God Almighty!!!

If we are so contempibly selfish that we can’t radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to screw something out of the other person in return–if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.

Oh yes, I did want something out of that chap. I wanted something priceless. And I got it. I got the feeling that I had done something for him without him being able to do anything whatever in return for me. That is a feeling that glows and sings in your memory long after the incident is passed. A homeless, penniless philosopher teaching in the hills of Judea nineteen hundred years ago said one day to his ragged followers: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’"

Well the discussion is about motive for someone’s actions. One participant believes that someone must be getting something in return for their gifts and I’m trying to argue that it could be nothing more then just the feeling of doing something nice for somebody.

The quote from Carnegie seemed to fit it. Of course you could view the discussion if you signed up for http://www.pyroto.com and climbed to the level necessary to read the Mountain Politics thread. However the conversation would probably be boring for someone who hasn’t played the game for a while.

Thanks again for looking that up for me and taking the time to type it in.