One of the great ladies in our Industry passed away overnight.
My boss has given me a notice to fax to members of our association which I have done. Now I have to write something for the newspaper notice.
I’ve never done this before and my boss has had to go out so I can’t ask him for help.
So far I’ve drafted this:
nb - I work for an industry association that represents recreational vehicle manufacturers and dealers.
Friends and colleagues:
On [date], we learned of the death of Ms. Jane Aussie, a very loyal and dedicated woman who promoted our industry’s lifestyle with excitement and enthusiasm. M®s. Aussie was an important and valued member of our industry and her passing is met with no small amount of grief. She will be missed, both by those who were fortunate to know her and those who knew of her.
Ms. Aussie travelled extensively with XX, exploring and writing columns for industry journals, and also partnered XX at the XX shows, advising prospective travellers about the pros and cons of our industry’s products, parks and destinations.
Ms. Aussie leaves behind both a legacy that will not soon be matched and an industry that will not soon forget her contributions, both personally and professionally. We send our condolences to the XX family, relatives, friends and close industry colleagues.
Very truly yours,
XX XX – President, Councillors and Members of the XXXX Association
Luck with your letter … I find my style is often a bit personal for these sort of things, but sometimes that’s needed. YMMV, of course:)
Punha’s seems like a good one to me. I’m terrible at writing things like that, but he’s done well, it looks like the standard announcements you see.
It does?
Oh, it does! Of course! And why wouldn’t it? I’ve done things like that hundreds of times!
[sub]How about that…[/sub]
Thank-you iampunha I’m getting some idea’s now. I’ve also looked up the notices in the paper today on advice from Thylacine to see what style is being used there.
It is all very confusing and I’d say that I might get better at it with experience but this is one of those things I don’t want to have alot of experience in.
I would alter some parts of iampunha’s version.
“is met with no small amount of grief” is a clunker, your “with deep regret and sadness” is better as in “her passing fills us with deep regret and sadness.”
“fortunate to know her” should be “fortunate enough to know her”.
“will not soon” is awfully passive “Ms. Aussie leaves an unmatched legacy and an industry that will remember her many contributions, both personal and professional.” reads better.
Will not soon is not even passive. It’s understatement to emphasize not only the timelessness but pervading usefulness of this woman’s accomplishments etc.