Need ideas for a clever sign

I share an office with another guy. We’re both smart, and we both work on reporting a lot (among other things). We are the answer guys when someone needs to know “why does this report show this number, it doesn’t seem right to me,” and we are the guys they come to when they need a new report.

So I want to post a sign outside our office, where the previous person had a metal nameplate, with some clever reference to who we are and what we do. Think 8-1/2 x 11 paper in landscape mode.


Go with the classics…**Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

*Bridgekeeper: Hee hee heh. Stop. What… is your name?

King Arthur: It is ‘Arthur’, King of the Britons.

Bridgekeeper: What… is your quest?

King Arthur: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridgekeeper: What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

King Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?

Bridgekeeper: Huh? I… I don’t know that.

[he is thrown over]

Bridgekeeper: Auuuuuuuugh.

Sir Bedevere: How do know so much about swallows?

King Arthur: Well, you have to know these things when you’re a king, you know. *

Report Authority
Any Report in a Storm
The Answer Men
Questionable Content?
The Checkout Lane
Woodward & Bernstein

The Wise Guys

Ooh, I thought about using Wise Guys already, so thanks for the link to the artwork.

I manage a droup like yours. We recently restacked our office, and my desk is right under a huge sign reading “Data Recycling Area”. I won’t let Facilities remove it!

“Mild-Mannered Report Guys”

Unauthorized Personnel Only

If you belong here,

get out.

Heh. One time I was a contestant on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, and when he asked me (on air) about my job, I didn’t want to try to explain what I do, so I just said “I work for a large metropolitan daily newspaper.”

Fell completely flat. No-one, I guess, got the reference. Or maybe it’s just not amusing.

(I was going to add “I also wear glasses, and I have an alter ego,” which was true at the time, but the opportunity did not arise.)

I’d go with the classics

The Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy"

“(Line forms to the left.)”

Of course we know.

I hold a similar position. I refer to myself as “Data Queen”.


This Space For Rent

Answers $1 Correct Answers $5

Price & Waterhouse of Answers

Sign with no words, just an illustration.

A jumble of scalene triangles.

I have had it up to here with all of these scalene triangles.


Your Data is our Data.
Your lives as you have known them are now over.
Resistance is futile.

“Witty Reportee”