Need practical motivational advise

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Okay, so far I have introduced myself (since October) as being less than emotionally stable, yet able to keep my self together, kinda sorta. If that makes any sense.

What I am asking the SDers to help me out with is something I am finding very overwhelming and a scary task to complete. Some of you know that I have been fighting this depression thing and it’s taken it’s toll on my house.

Yeah, stuff everywhere. It’s unclean, it’s full of dog and cat hair and my bathroom looks absolutely disgusting. It’s pretty scary as I have never lived like this before. Barring I don’t have any panic attacks or other blows to my fragile mind, I have decided this is it, I have to clean this pigsty of a house.

What I am asking from you is to help me with some practical advise on how to tackle such, what I consider, an enormous job.

The simple, just do it, phrases don’t work. I know that already. I am hoping to get advise from those that have either experienced this exact thing before or similar circumstances.

I thank you in advance to those that can help me. I feel so ashamed to live like this yet somehow everytime I start I quit because it seems so overwhelming.

2

advise, advice…damn…

3

Have you seen your doctor? You might be suffering from clinical depression or some other condition, and she/he might recommend therapy or appropriate drugs.

Aside from that, here are some things I’ve heard. These are suggestions only, so don’t feel it’s your fault if they don’t work. Nothing works for everybody.

  1. There’s an old saying (Chinese, Russian, whatever): A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Getting started is the hard part, so start small. Pick just one small thing you could do, maybe clean the bathroom sink. Then do it. When you’ve done it, congratulate yourself - you did it! You took the first step! Then reward yourself somehow: buy a book you want to read, see a movie, etc. Now pick something else and repeat.

  2. For a larger task, schedule a small amount of time every day to work on it, say 15 to 30 minutes max. Congratulate and reward yourself as necessary every time you do this. Don’t be discouraged or punish yourself if you miss a day.

Good luck!

4

I have the same problem, except mine is due largely to be too busy to keep the place clean. (Also, I have a one-bedroom apartment so it’s not as daunting to get into it.)

I find that what works best for me is to break the job down into smaller jobs. I don’t try to completely clean everything in one day. First job is to grab some trash bags and start throwing things out. I try to be ruthless and thorough. This single job is great motivation because when it’s done the place automatically looks 100% better.

If I’ve been lazy about doing my dishes, that’s what happens next. Being able to prepare meals and eat makes me feel better.

Then I go around and start picking up things and taking them to where they belong. I don’t necessarily put them away at this point, just organizing.

Next I put stuff away. With all the books, CDs, and movies, this is usually an all-day job.

After that is over, I start cleaning in earnest. Vacuuming, dusting, mopping, and so on.

One more thing, I find that a clean living environment is one of the best things to beat the blues. There is a lot of peace in having your living space double as a sanctuary. I try to keep that in mind while I’m working.

Acknowledge the steps as you complete them, it helps when you bog down on the steps you’re working on.

5

As a single, organizationally challenged person, I know there is exactly one way to ge the house cleaned up.

Invite someone over you want to impress.

6

maybe making a list would help. check it off as you go.

in fact, you might print out this thread. no need to write out another list. start at the top at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow & check off the suggestions as you institute them.

good luck, dear.

The purpose of life is to matter, to count, to have it make a difference you lived at all.

7

Neither my wife nor I like to clean up. We pay a nice old Polish lady to come in a make the place spotless clean. She is happy and we are happy.

8

Zgy,

Unfortunately I am unable to see a doc right now for financial reasons.

Starting small is a good idea. Somehow this little voice starts small and hardly gets beyond that. I think it has to do with looking at the mess and yes, not taking a break to reward myself. Instead I tend to take a break for a long time until I find it difficult to make my morning coffee because last night’s dishes are blocking my way.

I need a different set of thinking is what it comes down to. It’s my own fault for letting it get this bad and I have to come to the realization that it’s not going to get any better unless I start to do something about it even if it is a little at a time.

dlv,

If I had the money to hire someone to clean my house for me, it would never have gotten to this point.

Finagle,

LOL, I have to laugh at that because that was the strongest way to make me clean in the past. It’s one of the reasons my boyfriend broke up with me on Christmas day of all days, because I wouldn’t invite him over. But there’s more to that than just not having him over. Damn, I am more messed up than I thought!

Special,

Thanks, that may or may not help. I have done that before and in the past the list was so long it overwhelmed me more than it inspired me.

However, maybe if I take each room and compiled a list separately. Placed that list in each room (rather than one long list) it may make my tasks less daunting.

======

Any other ideas are welcome, I am getting a little more inspired now, however I must begin the nightly ritual of getting my self to sleep as I have a lot to do at work tomorrow.

9

Did you catch my timer trick from the other thread? Give it a try. Honestly, it helped me get to the point that my house is reasonably clean almost all of the time. So that you don’t take too long a break, make it about the same length of time that you spend working.

More advice: always start with picking up. Not only does it get stuff out of the way for the deeper cleaning, you get immediate results and therefore a greater reward for your work.

…in a state so nonintuitive it can only be called weird…

10

My house is incredibly messy, almost all of the time. Basically, because what little free time I have, I spend giving advice to others on how they can clean their homes. :wink:

But when I want to see my carpet again, I like to start one room at a time, the messiest room first. It seems to get easier after that.

Happy New Year Everyone.

11

El Hubbo and I have to clean tomorrow morning in preparation for a party tomorrow night. For techchick I’ll do it the hard way and pretend I have to do it all by myself. So, here’s what I’d do:

1. Select some hoppin’ tunes - usually the local alternative station, but if I’m in the mood, I’ll put 6 CDs on “shuffle”. Either way, the volume is set to eleven.
2. Put on some clean, comfortable clothes that can get dirty and put my hair up.
3. Strip the beds.
4. Sort dirty laundry, put it in piles on the guest bedroom bed and start the first load - the sheets from our bed. Do the laundry throughout the cleaning process, listening for the washer to be done and the dryer alarm to go off. As the loads get clean & dried, pile them up on the bed in our bedroom.
5. Take my dog outside and comb the Hell outta her. Get all that dead hair off of her.
6. Bathe my dog, then let her run all over the house drying herself off.
7. Clean my bathroom. Put everything in the cupboards and start cleaning from the top down.

(a) Mirrors (Windex & paper towels)
(b) Countertops (Dow Scrubbing Bubbles)
© Tub (Ajax & sponge)
(d) Vacuum and wash floor (rag and Pine-Sol solution in a bucket)
(e) Close the door so doggie won’t go in and get pawprints all over everything.

8. Do the same thing to the other upstairs bathroom.
9. Dusting (Pledge). God I hate dusting. I just start in one room, get every surface, pick stuff up… I’d do upstairs all at once.
10. Vacuum upstairs.
11. Gate off upstairs so the dog won’t go up there.
12. Take a break. Watch 30 minutes of TV and have a Diet 7UP.
13. Kitchen.

(a) Dishes
(b) Wash stovetop (Formula 409)
© Pull everything out of refrigerator, clean surfaces and drawers inside (Formula 409). Replace food, etc.
(d) Wash countertops and sink (Also Formula 409)

14. Clean downstairs bathroom.
15. Dust downstairs.
16. Move furniture out of foyer/breakfast nook. Vacuum wood floor.
17. Mop wood floor (warm water and apple cider vinegar solution).
18. Take a fifteen-minute break while floor dries.
19. Move furniture back.
20. Vacuum downstairs.
21. Clean dog nose art from sliding glass door and front door glass (Windex).
22. Empty dishwasher and replace stovetop stuff.
23. Choose a good videotape and throw it in the VCR in the bedroom. Watch the movie while folding and putting away all the clean laundry that is in piles on the bed. Make the bed.
**24.**Take a nice long bath, preferably a bubble bath. Give myself a facial.
25. Take a nap.

12

I try to do stuff to take my mind off cleaning. One of my big tricks is being on the phone while I clean. If I have a lot of mindless stuff to do (washing dishes, folding laundry, general pick up) I get on the phone with someone and yack away while cleaning.

When there’s no one left to call, I put on the music (loud!) and open a beer. I can get an immense amount of cleaning done while slightly buzzed.

The only thing this doesn’t work with is vacuuming. I hate vacuuming. Can’t hear the music, can’t be on the phone. Someone must learn how to make a silent vacuum (hehehee, reminds me of sci-fi - “the silent vacuum of space…”!)

13

My house used to be a big mess nearly all the time. I solved this problem by moving and starting over. Actually, I was moving anyway, but I vowed to keep my new place spotless as I got tired of living like a college student (only took me 15 years).

It’s true, the initial clean up is a bitch. I always found it best to chose one room per day, and distract myself from the task at hand with music. If I could be jamming to some tunes I really liked, I would half forget about the drudgery of the work I was doing and the time would go by faster and more pleasently. Also, the music helped lift my spirits in general, so I would be feeling pretty darned good by the time I was done.

Now I keep my place clean by taking care of any and every mess when it happens. All dishes get washed as soon as I’m done, bed gets made as soon as I’m up, coffee table gets wiped off before I go to bed each night, etc.

It’s true that when your place is really nice and clean, you feel better—at least I do. Home for me is always a safe and comfortable place now. I don’t come home after a hard days work and have to face my shortcomings (being a slob). Instead, I feel proud of myself and that there is some order in my life. It’s also really nice when someone decides to drop over and you don’t have to hurriedly clean off a spot for them to sit :wink:

Good luck to you, techchick.

“I should not take bribes and Minister Bal Bahadur KC should not do so either. But if clerks take a bribe of Rs 50-60 after a hard day’s work, it is not an issue.” ----Krishna Prasad Bhattarai, Current Prime Minister of Nepal

14

It’s so incredibly hard to start a habit such as cleaning if you’re not used to it. I used to be a terrible slob, just about to the point you described in your OP. Then I had kids.

I’m not suggesting that you have children to force yourself to clean. Kids mess up everything you have cleaned. That’s their job, and they are good at it.

Before my oldest was born, I got that “nesting” instinct, and boy, did my house get clean. My labor was brought on by scrubbing my bathroom floor. After that, though, I had something to work from. I scrub occasionally, and pick up stuff every day. Once you get that initial scrubdown finished, it does get easier.

Best of luck to you!

15

I’ll put my house at its messiest up against yours any day. And I was so compelled by your question (I’ve been there, been there, been there, both with the mess and the depression!) that I am making my first ever post to this board (actually my first post anywhere ever), after many, many months of reading the posts of others.

I have found myself in this situation too many times to count. Somehow the house has a way of getting totally out of control (not just messy, but completely trashed) while we are busy with real life, and finally our nerves are pushed across that invisible but unmistakable line that causes us to shout, “Enough!” But when you look around, you’re paralyzed by the hopeless overwhelmingness of it all. Where to even begin? How can you ever conquer a mess like this? Don’t despair, it can be done! I have two suggestions.

1 - Don’t think about cleaning your house. Don’t think of the overall job in any way, shape or form. Instead, stand in a random spot in the room you use most often (kitchen or bedroom for us, probably living room for many people). Look down and around, and see what is within your reach that doesn’t belong there. Pick it up. Take it to the room in which it belongs, or, if you live on more than one level, to its appropriate floor. If it is something easy to put away (coat onto a coat hook, scissors into the utinsel drawer), go ahead; if not (trinkets, small bits of hardware, jumbled pile of papers), don’t even try. Just get it to its correct floor or room and sit it down somewhere where it won’t have to be walked around. Return to your original spot, face the nearest corner, and repeat. If clothes have taken over many surfaces, assume they are all dirty and put a laundry basket in the room so you have a place to toss them all quick and easy. If you have lots of small items, especially miscellaneous-type things, get a box and fill it with things headed for one room or floor; take the box to the room, empty on the floor/bed/couch/table, and return for another. (Wait - while you’re there, is there something right before your eyes that needs to go to the floor you’re returning to? If so, grab it. Rarely if ever should one go from one room or one floor to another empty handed - there’s virtually always something going your way.) Gradually move toward the corner until you have everything closer to where it belongs and a small but relatively orderly area cleared in your starting room. While doing this do not look around the room, and do not think about what a drop in the bucket this seems like. The idea here is to get things moving in the right direction, not to get everything in its perfect spot right away, since it is that time- and spirit-consuming struggle with the details that causes you to bog down and give up. When you reach the corner, cast a brief glance behind you at the now-cleared path, like a brief breath of fresh air when you’ve been trapped in a small space, then work your way along the wall continuing to do the same thing. Eventually you will have made your way around the room and will be stunned to see the progress. Now you can either begin the actual “clean” process with windex, pledge, and vaccuum (since the surfaces to be cleaned will now be visible), or proceed to the next most used room and repeat the process. (Which will make you feel better in the short term, one room both organized and clean, or the whole house being better organized, and perhaps clear enough to walk through without hazard, if still rather grubby? You’ll get to it all in the end, so go the route that will give you the most satisfied feeling at the end of the day. Think immediate, visible progress.) If you find yourself getting frayed, take a short break and have a drink, warm up a snack, step out on the porch for some air, or pet your cat/dog/etc. DON’T SIT DOWN - (unless it’s lunch or supper time - do take time to fuel your tank) but feel free to lean on something. Just focus on something else for a few minutes to give yourself a mental break, then return to the same process. Depending on the condition of your house, this may be an all morning or an all week endeavor. The important thing is to focus only on what is directly in front of you! At the end of the hour/morning/day, you will be amazed at just how much progress you’ve made. When exhausted, allow yourself to do nothing for the rest of the day or evening. Lounge on the couch, watch a video. Admire your newly cleared path or cleaned room each time you pass through. Repeat with next room until house is brought to acceptable standard.

2- Run don’t walk to your nearest library and get a book on tape, preferably several of them. I was skeptical about recorded books for years, being a great lover of real books, but there is nothing else to compare when it comes to getting a job done. They leave your hands and eyes free to work but involve your mind completely - IMHO that’s one of the main problems with housework; there’s very little mental challenge, and your brain gets totally bored. If you’re moving all around the house, turn up the stereo or put the tape on a walkman so you don’t have to keep pausing. I don’t read novels myself but they make good listening; Stephen King lends himself well to reading aloud (try “Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption” if you don’t like his usual scary stuff), and “Like Water for Chocolate” was excellent on tape. I also very highly recommend short comic pieces by writers like Dave Barry, James Thurber, Bill Bryson. Put on a book and you will be too busy being entertained to get bored or restless with the seemingly endless string of jobs to be done. Music is a wonderful thing, but for housework it can’t compare to someone telling you endless fascinating/funny/scary/intriguing stories. I learned that there is no job so daunting, tedious, or drudge-like that I cannot cope with it if I have a good book on tape. Please give it a try - I speak from experience. And let us know how you progress?

16

cygnus

1: Great advice. That is how I clean when things are really bad. Like when I first move in somewhere. Now I almost always clean as I go. Use a dish-put it in the dishwasher, take off clothes-put them directly into the laundry basket, etc…

2: Glad to have you here and posting after all this time. Looking forward to hearing more from you in the future!

“Teaching without words and work without doing are understood by very few.”
-Tao Te Ching

17

30 Minutes to a Cleaner House

You’re getting company in 30 minutes.
WHAT WILL YOU DO?

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first session of Housekeeping Tips for Regular People. If you’re a Martha Stewart type of housekeeper, this column is NOT for you. However, for the rest of you, this is your chance to learn 15 Secret Shortcuts to Good Housekeeping that your mother never told you.

SECRET TIP 1: DOOR LOCKS

If a room clearly can’t be whipped into shape in 30 days, much less 30 minutes, employ the Locked Door Method of cleaning. Tell anyone who tries to go in the room that you accidentally locked thedoor and can’t find the key.

Of course, the locksmith can’t possibly come until tomorrow. CAUTION: It is not advisable to use this tip for the bathroom.

Time: 2 seconds

SECRET TIP 2: DUCT TAPE
No home should be without an ample supply. Not only is it handy for plumbing repairs, but it’s a great way to hem drapes, tablecloths, clothes, just about anything. No muss, no fuss.

Time: 2-3 minutes

SECRET TIP 3: OVENS

If you think ovens are just for baking, think again. Ovens represent at least 9 cubic feet of hidden storage space, which means they’re a great place to shove dirty dishes, dirty clothes, or just about anything you want to get out of sight when company’s coming.

Time: 2 minutes

SECRET TIP 4: CLOTHES DRYERS

Like Secret Tip 3, except bigger. CAUTION: Avoid hiding flammable objects here.

Time: 2.5 minutes

SECRET TIP 5: WASHING MACHINES & FREEZERS

Like Secret Tip 4, except even bigger.

Time: 3 minutes

SECRET TIP 6: DUST RUFFLES

No bed should be without one.Devotees of Martha Stewart believes dust ruffles exist to keep dust out from under a bed or to help coordinate the colorful look of a bedroom. The rest of us know a dust ruffle’s highest and best use is to hide whatever you’ve managed to shove under the bed. (Refer to Secret Tips 3, 4, 5.)

Time: 4 minutes

SECRET TIP 7: DUSTING

The 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House method says: Never dust under what
you can dust around.

Time: 3 minutes

SECRET TIP 8: DISHES

Don’t use them. Use plastic and you won’t have to.

Time: 1 minute

SECRET TIP 9:
CLOTHES WASHING

This secret tip is brought to you by an inventive teenager. When this teen’s mother went on a housekeeping strike for a month, the teen discovered you can extend the life of your underwear by two …if you turn it wrong side out and, yes, rerun it.

CAUTION: This tip is recommended only for teens and those who don’t care if they get in a car wreck.

Time: 3 seconds

SECRET TIP 10: IRONING

If an article of clothing doesn’t require a full press and your hair does, a curling iron is the answer. In between curling your hair,use the hot wand to iron minor wrinkles out of your clothes. Yes, it really does work, or so I’m told, by other disciples of the 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House philosophy.

Time: 5 minutes (including curling your hair)

SECRET TIP 11: VACUUMING

Stick to the middle of the room,which is the only place people look. Don’t bother vacuuming under furniture. It takes way too long and no one looks there anyway.

Time: 5 minutes, entire house; 2 minutes, living room only

SECRET TIP 12: LIGHTING

The key here is low, low, and lower. It’s not only romantic, but bad lighting can hide a multitude of dirt.

Time: 10 seconds

SECRET TIP 13: BED MAKING
Get an old-fashioned waterbed.
No one can tell if those things are made up or not, saving you,oh, hundreds of seconds over the course of a lifetime.

Time: 0

SECRET TIP 14:
SHOWERS, TOILETS, AND SINKS

Forget one and two.Concentrate on three.

Time: 1 minute

SECRET TIP 15:
If you already knew at least 10 of these tips, don’t even think about inviting a Martha Stewart type to your home.

18

Zyada, that was the coolest.

From October of last year till just over a week ago, my house was in total disarray. Not counting all the stuff that we’d moved over from our old stuff, there was still 20-some years of accumulation that was left in the house after Byron’s mom died.

The solution? I volunteered my house for the family Christmas dinner. I spent three weeks looking around, making lists, and not doing a damn thing. Then, an angel arrived in the form of my seven-year-old cousin, Cody. Cody came to stay with me for his first week of Christmas vacation so his mom wouldn’t have to cut a babysitting fund out of her Christmas-present-buying fund. The instant Cody walked in, he said, “Chrissi (he is the only person allowed to call me this) we need to clean your house.”
“I know, isn’t it a huge mess?” I said. We had supper, watched a movie and read bedtime stories. The next day, Cody and I spent three hours cleaning my office. He was a very good helper. He did whatever I told him to do, which meant that basically, all I had to do was point at something and tell him where to take it.

We cleaned pretty much the entire house in this fashion. There’s still alot to do, but it’s all stuff like going through storage boxes, and finishing the laundry. If you have a friend or a relative who might let you borrow their industrious child, you’ll have your house whipped into shape in no time at all.

“Wednesday the 15th - Chris made one of her rare good points today.”
Guanolad

19

Thanks everyone for your tips…I will print them off from work tomorrow as I don’t have a printer…

Zyada,

LOL, I love that! I will have to print that off for a giggle. For right now, this will not solve my delimna, but will later after I do major cleaning and in a crunch to clean up for company!

20

Hey, did I ever get a much-needed shot of motivation out of this topic! Gotta say, MrKnowItAll and Cygnus nailed it.

(Keep in mind that I was just talking w/ Chris about just naming the dust bunnies and making peace: Fluffy, Thumper…)

First thing I do is scrub the john and kitchen; let fly, high ratio for immediate gratification and few breakables. Remarkably little scrubbing yields high returns for sparkle, lemon/pine/whatever scent and a self-righteous rush.

Immediately grab a trash bag (or several) and whirl though the house, ruthlessly pitching rubble: old magazines, junk mail, clutter, etc. It’s amazing how much pointless stuff accumulates. Put the trash bags outside or ready for collection.

Whirl (don’t agonize) through putting stuff away. No, this isn’t the time to organize drawers and get all Martha Stewart anal about things. Just clear decks.

Now pour yourself a glass of wine. Put on the music you want. (Bear with me.) Run the vacuum. Yes, it drowns out the music but you know it’s there and waiting. It’s also 2nd rush adreneline, muscle using rewarding.

Now is the danger point. Take a break. Sip wine and complacently look at the huge improvment. (It helps if before you take your break, you get out your furniture polish, etc.)

Now you get to the graceful, fun part. Sip wine, buff wood to a glow, heck polish that silverplate thing and plop a candle in it when you’re done.

Of course, tossing random loads of sheets and towels in the washer during your rambles would be good. Because now you can coast. It’s a matter of minutes to stretch clean sheets on the bed and then go soak in your pristine bathroom. Then conk out. Or whatever.

And if you ever get around to the drawer arranging thing, w/ labelled plastic holders for everything, do let me know how you did it. Or why it seemed so godawful important.

Ain’t nobody gonna care, much less you, 10 years from now, whether your closets were sorted, cataloged and labelled. Find your level of comfort. It’s your home, not a test or a guilt trip.

And if you want to meet Fluffy or Thumper, just give me your address and wait for that nice person in the brown UPS uniform.

Veb