New and unimproved mini-rants

The BBQ Pit
121

Why is it that whenever a new editor comes in, they think they can “make the paper better,” as though they know better than the people who have already worked here for 6 vagina-swilling years?

Also, fuckknob – I know our paper goes out to the community, and news of the community is contained therein – but that doesn’t mean the community fucking owns us. Quit going for three hour meetings where you tongue the ass of stupid businessmen and pissant politicians, and come back to the office and do some actual work.

122

There’s a public advertisment on the radio about why we shouldn’t hit pedestrians.
It starts with a teen girl, describing her mom’s incident–good, heartrending, meaningful, and it stays that way until the last line by the announcer:

“When you drive, look for pedestrians. Think of the impact you could make.”

My god, could your word choice be any poorer?

123

Bolding mine.

It’s probably a deliberate word choice. Think about the impact you could make, e.g. if you don’t look for pedestrians and hit one, you’ll make a big impact (ba-dum-ching). We have a similar tagline for anti-speeding ads over here, that accompany quite graphic images of people being hit by cars. They go “Speeding. Think about the impact.”

It’s a pune, or a play on words.

124

COX DVR can suck my cock. The fucking TV guide is wrong! I’ve been trying to record Rachel Maddow and I keep on getting Chris Matthews. Ah, I see now, if I record Keith Olbermann I get Rachel Maddow. It all makes sense now!

125

Damn it, I KNEW as soon as I bought a DVR they’d come out with a new model with some feature I wanted.

126

I hate to hijack GQ threads. I especially hate to hijack GQ threads with political snark. I doubly-especially hate to do it during an election when there’s way too much election crap on the Board already.

But god-damn, that GQ thread about goats is just begging for somebody to post:

“All this talk about pet goats is very interesting. Somebody should write a book about a pet goat. If such a book were written, and I were reading it, I think I would have a great deal of trouble tearing myself away.”

127

Actually, that is excellent word choice.

And what is a “pune”? Other than a city in India, or am I getting whooshed here?

128

An e-book that is only accessible through the library catalog is NOT the same as the online sources your professor has forbidden you to use! Stop arguing with me about it! No? Okay then, I won’t bother telling you that just the title of the book and the ISBN number will not help you find the physical book that you’re looking for. Have fun wandering through the stack. Fucktard.

129

Mine won’t even do timed recordings anymore. :frowning:

130

Hello coworkers! I’m going to have to insist that you stop the following immediately:

-Talking to me in the bathroom. Saying hi if I’m coming in as you’re going out is fine, making chit chat while we’re washing our hands is okay, but please for the love of Mike don’t make conversation with me as I’m headed to the stall, or even worse, in the stall. Whatever your question is can wait until I’m back at my desk and 2 feet away from the phone that you can reach me on 40 hours a week. Please do not wait in the bathroom for me, or stand outside my stall or at the sink and talk to me. I will not respond and you are being incredibly rude. Let me pee in peace.

-Calling me and going through 15 seconds of “um, er… wait” or talking to someone else when I pick up the phone. Figure out what you want BEFORE you dial and if I happen to pick up the phone while you’re telling the cashier next to you about your facinating weekend please focus for TWO FREAKING SECONDS to tell me what you want. Gah!

-Please leave me alone when I’m eating lunch. Whether it’s work related or not, I don’t want to be bothered. I usually have a book with me, which makes your interruption doubly rude. If it is work related, I’m off the clock. If it’s not, I’m off the clock.

Thanks!

131

It’s a Pratchett thing. I’ve been reading a lot of Terry Pratchett lately, sorry :slight_smile:

132

Well, the TV Guide is incorrect, but the virtual reality mode is pretty awesome!

133

Fucking group essay. We each need to write five pages. Mine’s three and I’m stuck on what to add. FUCK.

Oh, luck I’ve just started on the fourth page. Fuck it all, anyway. Damn fucking thing, I’m sick of the fucking class anyway. This semester sucks donkey balls.

134

Toll booths, drive-up ATMs, drive-through windows, etc. While I know I’m in the minority in this area for driving a small car, does everything have to seem to be designed for SUVs with huge tires?

Pull up too close, and I’m at an awkward angle to do anything, and in the case of some ATMs I’m not able to reach everything and read the screen at the same time.

Pull up further away to solve that problem, and I can no longer reach and I don’t want to be the cause of some poor worker falling out of their toll booth/window trying to reach me!

I just want coffee/food/money/to pay the nice person at the toll booth, darn it, not have to figure out a complex logistics puzzle regarding angles and distances. :frowning:

<< Disk Full - Press F1 to belch. >>

135

My son-in-law’s dad (let’s call him SSgt Hero)was deployed to Iraq last January. He left behind his wife, his son, and a pregnant daughter-in-law.

While he was in Iraq, his sister-in-law (self-declared queen of the universe), moved in with her sister.

SSgt Hero returned home last Friday for a two-week leave. Meeting him upon his arrival were sister-in-law, wife, son, and grandson, in that order. Only after his SIL had ok’d it did his wife bearhug him, then his son. He looked around & saw his grandson.

SSgt Hero had had a busy day, so only wanted his family around. He went home to his wife & his sister in law. (His son was told to wait for a phone call).

Saturday: his son waited; heck, we all waited. Everytime the phone rang we all ran to see if it was SSgt Hero wanting his son. Finally, late afternoon, the call came in. The sister-in-law’s car had stalled…they needed sonny. He borrowed my husband’s truck and came to their rescue.

It’s currently Tuesday am. Son has seen his dad twice. SSgt Hero, this minirant is to you…you’ve been with your wife & her family three days. You’ve seen your son less than five hours during this time. Yes, you had the 30-minute photo op with your only grandchild.

When is it your (other) family’s turn? My daughter, your daughter-in-law is not allowed to be mentioned (thanks sister-in-law), but she’s the mom of your grandson (also not encouraged to be in your presence by your sil).

Just an aside. My husband & I consider you to be a hero. We would like to buy you, your wife, and the kids (but not the sil) dinner while you’re on leave.

Screw the sil. You’re a hero to all of us.

Love, Phil

136

Dear person eating chips in class:

I can’t actually hear what the professor is saying because you are eating chips at a volume previously unknown to man. First you have to shove your entire hand in the bag, making that ridiculous crinkly noise. Then you proceed to crunch each chip with your mouth wide open, which is really just disgusting. Also, you’ve been doing this for the last HOUR. You cannot possibly still be hungry!

Oh yeah, and that sign on the door… The one that says “No food or drink allowed”? Yeah, that DOES actually apply to you.

137

Can you talk to your professor about keeping some order in his classroom? Or politely ask your classmate to knock that shit off?

138

I wish I could just speak to the classmate, but unfortunately she was sitting too far away for that to be an effective method at the time. Apparently some other students said something to the professor after class, so hopefully this rant is a one-time thing. DAMN, those chips were loud though!

139

I pit the pain scale.

“On a scale of one to ten, zero being no pain, ten being the worst pain you can imagine, how bad is it?”

  1. I have a good imagination. I can imagine a ten, even if I have never experienced it.
  2. Apparently I don’t scale things the way normal people do.

After several years dealing with the medical system in general and this question in particular, I have discovered the code: Six.

Six. If you say it’s six or above, they give you pain meds. If you say it’s, oh, I don’t know, hree or four, then you’re not in enough pain to get medicine.

Now, I’m not the kind of person who seeks drugs. I usually try to avoid them. When I get a headache, I live with it, or take a nap if I can. If it’s bad enough, I’ll take a couple tylenol. A few months ago, when the pain (from swollen feet, a chemo side effect) was so bad I couldn’t walk to the bathroom without sobbing, I would have given it a four on their magical scale. I suffered through that for more than a week before I was sent to a specialist. They gave me the code. Oh, and some pain drugs.

So, remember, folks, the magical meaningless number is six.

140

No rant to add. Just wanted to compliment the username/content combination.