New Euty Sighting!

Cafe Society
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Now, we regularly get Euty sightings when he weighs in with his mod duties. And we know, from his homepage, about the previous incarnation of Euty in the Acts of the Apostles.

However, I was reading Seutonius’ Twelve Caesars the other day, and I came across two entirely new incarnations of Euty! This has to be shared with the Teeming Masses, I thought. (Of course, it may be that the Teeming Masses knew all along and I’m the last to hear, as usual…)

The first of these sightings occurs in paragraph 96 of Suetonius’ life of Augustus Caesar. Speaking of Augustus’ reverence for omens, Suetonius writes:

Aside from the oddity of this Eutychus having named his rump (some men of course have pet names for their frontal organ, but I’ve not heard of pet names for the derrière), this is a touching little tale of how Euty brought good fortune for Augustus. (Although I’m intrigued by the statue of Euty’s ass, set up in a sacred enclosure. That would have got the tourists talking: “Don’t look, Mabel - it’s some guy’s ass in nude!”)

The second sighting occurs in paragraph 55 of Suetonius’ life of Caligula:

Again, this incarnation of Euty benefits from the encounter with a Caesar, although to my materialistic mind, he comes off better than the one that met Augustus. I mean, having statutes of yourself and your posterior set up for people to worship is all very well, but 20,000 golderinos! I could buy lots of statutes and pay people to worship them, and still have plenty left over for the dancing girls!

Of course, there is a more ominous theme to both these Euty sightings. In both cases, the report of Euty in Suetonius comes just before the death of the Caesar in question - Augustus of old age, Caligula of a much messier death. I guess even a Euty has a dark side.

So, does anyone else have any Euty sightings to report? And no, seeing him in the ATM line just behind Elvis doesn’t count!

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Wait a moment… “Eutychus” means “Prosper”? That explains everything! So, what was it like on that island? And when did you leave Milan again?

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This is exactly the type of line one should not read first thing over morning coffee, since the coffee is now all over.
[SUB]BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. And my ass is called ‘Copious’.[/sub]

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Chronos, that was incredibly painful. I think you should be Calibanned.

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I can explain.

As everyone knows, I’m normally a very unassuming type of guy; quiet and never wanting the spotlight for myself. <snort!> When Ceasar approached me about the staute I refused saying “Statue my ass!” I guess he took me too literally.

As far as the 20,000 golderinos, I think that was Caligula’s trying to make up for never inviting me to any of his wild parties. I never knew what went on there, but I heard stories. One rumor I heard was that he got one of the guests drunk and made him sing “Summertime (and the Living is easy)” naked on top of the piano! What a wacky guy.

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My ass is called Sneezy.

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Do you call your wind Mariah?

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Whoooosh.

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Not only that, but he goes around stealing people’s clothing!

From “Antiquities” by Josephus

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Now, now, there’s no need to stir up a Tempest in a teapot…

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I recently came across one while working on a paper. A stone was inscribed in Britain thusly.

Which I’d translate as "Cheerful Eutychus, a freedman, performed an offering with his own serice to the forest god Pantheus for the health of the Tribune Rufinus and his Lucilla."

Although I really wanted to make libens an adverb and not an adjective. Oh well.

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Hmmm, maybe I should have made it “To Silvanus Pantheus” instead.