The beef penis soup from the hawker market in Malaysia wasn’t all that bad; they stew the penis until it’s tender and the broth is spicy enough that you don’t really taste anything else.
The medicinal restaurant in Kuala Lumpur, however, was another sack of cats. They have a set lunch where you get a Chinese medicinal soup, chicken, rice, a vegetable and tea and cookies for one price. Okay, fine, says I, ever adventurous culinarily.
The process of choosing your soup was interesting, as you could choose from the offerings on the menu, like 'to increase vitality and blood circulation", "to improve liver function and tiredness,"or the men’s and women’s soup. Alternatively, you could ask the pharmacist to come up with something based on your symptoms.
I chose the men’s soup, which was supposed to help with “vigor”, decrease sweating and stimulate hair growth; my wife got something that lessened cramps and strengthened bones.
I was figuring the soups would arrive in small bowls, so I was unprepared when a small tureen was placed in front of us. It smelled… interesting. Lots of ginseng root, black mushroom, red dates, etc and VERY aromatic and earthy. Okay, fine, I have a cold beer and I’m going to get chicken later, how bad can it be?
Unbelievably, woefully, flavorful, as Tony Bourdain said about “mountain potato.” The overwhelming taste was of chicken stock brewed through a compost heap, like leaf litter with ginger and white pepper, the dates adding their own sweetness, the snow fungus adding a fibrous texture. I actually lucked out by burning my tongue on the first sip, so couldn’t taste the full bouquet of flavors. I think there was seahorse in there, there was definitely some sort of insect and lots of leafy brown things. And did I mention it was HOT? And that there was what looked like a GALLON of it for each of us? The random Chinese dudes peeking out through the kitchen door didn’t add to the experience, as we figured they were saying something like:
“Dude, he’s never going to eat that!” “Shut up, dude, he thinks it’s medicine!”“Shutup shutup shutup, you guys, he’s eating it!” “Dude, where did we even GET that stuff from?”
So yeah, probably the worst thing I’ve tried. That or the Russian carbonated sea water I picked up thinking it was mineral water. It’ll get you over your hangover in a hurry, but it’s definitely the nuclear option.