Swine Flu is all we have been hearing about the past few weeks. With all the travel I have been doing, I can’t visit an airport, train station, bus stop, or even bar without hearing about it! I know we are all sick of it and as such, this post will not deal with God’s vengeance against carnivores.
Just kidding
Nope, I am writing this as a quick reminder to New Jerseys’ Port Authority officers. While most people may be over their anxiety of terrorist attacks in favor of concern of being coughed upon, others such as myself still have a healthy fear (thank you Bush and the media) that train travel is not 100% safe. That said, I don’t care if you are late for work, if you are a Port Authority officer who is holding a bag containing your lunch DON’T RUN THROUGH THE STATION! You asshole! I don’t know if you have a fucking bomb or healthy choice grilled chicken meal and quite frankly don’t give a fuck. Let me explain this way;
Running officer + Train Station + Unidentified item in bag = Pezpunk pooping his pants!
I can’t help but notice the signs and announcement about being on the lookout for suspicious packages. I’m trying. It’s just so hard when the “good guys” are busy running interference for possible terrorists.
If it helps any, I expect that any training the employees have been given about possible bombs includes a warning that if they see a suspicious bag DON’T TOUCH IT! So any employee you see running with a bag is very unlikely to be carrying a bomb out of the station.
Wait, what? You’re in a train station - people run to catch trains, people run because they’re late for work, people run to get out the door so that they can have a smoke. Most, if not all, of these people will have bags with them. I think you need to relax a little.
Plus, the chances that you will be at a train station (or anywhere else) on the day that terrorists decide to strike it are somewhere between “slim” and “so infinitesimal that you’d need 6 sheets of paper to fit in the leading zeroes when expressing it as a percentage”.
Errmmm… It may be true that chances of being hit are small, but terrorists have and will likely continue to strike at methods of large-group travel, which include both planes, trains, subways, etc.
Not small. Tiny. There is no appreciable increase in risk of “death by terrorist plot” just because you’re standing at a train station because there is no appreciable risk *to you as an individual *to begin with.
mischievous - There is a SLIGHT difference between “joe schmoe” running to catch a train with his knapsack on and a Port Authority officer running for an exit with a unidentifiable object in a bag. Furthermore he was carrying it away from his body like even he was scared of it!
Also the post was fairly tongue in cheek. This being obvious by the fact that I do not poop my pants IRL (except when alcohol is involved). I am really not THAT paranoid but I did find it to be a bad move on the officers part.
I do disagree that
as a target such as a train station is much more likely than if I were standing at dunkin donuts based purely on volume of people affected.
Likelihood you’ll get blown up in a New Jersey Dunkin’ Donuts: 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000
Likelihood that you’ll get blown up in a New Jersey train station: 1 in 1,000,000,000,000
Yes, the second number is bigger than the first, but the difference is not significant. Neither statistical probability is worth changing your travel plans or crapping your pants over.
Nope, I still think you’re being freakishly paranoid. People who work for the Port Authority have all of the same reasons to run as anyone else, plus a whole bunch of reasons having to do with their jobs. I don’t think they’re under any burden to not run because 0.0001% of the population might get the bizarre idea that they’re taking a bomb outside.
And, seriously, that’s a really bizarre idea. Why the hell would they do that? Even if they spotted a package they knew to be a bomb (how?), and someone was fool enough to volunteer to transport it at great personal risk to themselves, there’s nowhere within several miles of Penn Station that’s a safe place to bring it to. I can’t imagine someone deciding that it’s okay to blow up people outside of the station. I guarantee you that if anyone ever finds a bomb in Penn Station, the Port Authority personnel will leave the bomb exactly where they found it, clear the area of passengers, and CALL THE DAMN BOMB SQUAD.
I certainly would agree that vigilance ought to be maintained in public at all times, not simply at stations. But of course, vigilance is good for many mrroe things than anti-terrorism.
Thanks for your rational, logical, clinical response to what was intended to be a humorous response to the OP’s comment about pooping in his pants, which itself was intended as a joke.
