New Year's resolutions?


Track down and punch every person who continues to use the phrase “going forward.” Please stop it!

Kickstart my film wherein Karen Gillan, Scarlett Johansson (with her Black Widow red hair) and Felicia Day have a lesbian threesome. *

Stop buying so many damn books.

*They may even kill zombies in between lovemaking sessions. What do you think?

Are we just making up New Year’s resolutions that have no basis in reality? OK I’ll play:

The first of every month have crazy monkey sex with the hottest celeb of the day.

Every Friday donate a million dollars to a new charity.

Educate people that having a giant schlong isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Mine’s reality-based; Same resolutions as last year: Drink less, work out more.

(I did great on those last year, except somehow by February I got 'em backwards)

I resolve not to make any resolu…