News Flash: 'Bush Gives Away Store...Kisses Dictator's Ass!' in recent China crisis

The BBQ Pit
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News Flash: ‘Bush Gives Away the Store…Kisses Dictator’s Ass!’ in the recent China crisis

Over here, Brian Bunnyhurt said

I was naturally intrigued by this. I had previously thought that Bush’s performance in the recent China situation was good, (not great, but good). B+ rating, give or take.

But…

This information by Brian Bunnyhurt rocked my world. From his stunning revelations on Mormonism, to his grasp of the subtle nuances of debate, Brian Bunnyhurt maintains the exact same level of coherence, logic and insight in all his posts. He’s one to watch. So I did some research. And he’s right: Bush did “give away the store.”

Per my secret sources, I’ve verified this and learned the following:

As part of a secret Bush “store giving”, he’s turned the entire U.S.A. over to China. On July 4, 2001, the United States will be dissolved and we will become The People’s States of China. “Democracy was a failed experiment” one high-level source was quoted as saying.

Bush, during his soon-to-be historic “store giving” speech, was seen kneeling and kissing the Premier’s buttocks. “This was not a homoerotic act” said a Bush spokesman “but a gesture the Chinese people use as a sign of respect. The cultured Chinese people have done this for thousands of years. President Bush was simply setting the tone for the coming Chinese take-over.”

When word of this leaked out, Congressional Democrats expressed cautious optimism “It’s what we’ve been working for all along, after all!” Ted Kennedy was quoted as saying. Republicans, for the most part, had mixed feelings. “Our corporate masters will be pleased” said one Republican, “but the forced abortion thing…I don’t know how well that’ll play in the mid-West. On the other hand, Pat Robertson doesn’t mind it, so it may not be a problem.”

To make the transistion smoother, all Americans will be required to wear Mao jackets for several years following the takeover. “The shared suffering and knowledge that our people and yours both had to endure the fashion horror of the Mao jacket can only serve to draw us closer together.” said the Premier. “I anticipate a smooth take-over and a new dawn for global Communism. Thank you President Bush for ‘giving us the store’ as you so quaintly say!”

FPI (Fenris Press Int’l) 5:06 MST, 4/24/01

Thanks to Brian Bunnyhurt for his well-spoken, thoughtful insights which lead me to research this story.

Roving Reporter Fenris

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Does this mean he’ll sign the Kyoto Treaty as well?

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Who? Bush or Brian Bunnyhurt?:smiley:

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I’ll settle for any damn Yank who will sign it, Astro. :smiley:

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Amen fellow left wing, tree hugging hippie!

Well, Taiwan didn’t get the crucial Aegis radar system so part one of the real deal (over the spy plane) comes to light. Doubt if there’s too much more but did it really take ten days to get only this out of Bush. Maybe.

Does the plane get to go home yet or is there a little more to come ?

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They should have used one of those remote controlled planes they flew to OZ yesterday. That way, you just flick on the monitor back at Kennedy Space Center, fire up the jets, and fly the fucker home.

And don’t call me a hippie, you long-haired labour-shy bastard. :smiley:

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Did you get a sense for what time, Fenris? I have to know whether I can wear my shorts and t-shirt to the big barbeque or that whole Mao shirt thing.

Speaking of which, how the hell do you barbeque with a wok?

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Confusious say, man who walk with barbeque get roasted nuts.

Oh, you said barbeque with a wok.
Nevermind.

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The turnover officially happens at midnight, E.S.T., but the “store giving” ceremony will be at dawn. The Chinese government, in accordance with Clinton’s Law of Legislative Showmanship (“Th’ public’ll buy any idea as long as it’s entertaining to watch!”) will be having jets loaded with aerosol based red dye #5 flying all night over the east coast, “dusting” the atmosphere, so when the sun rises, there’ll really be a “Red Dawn”.

As to the shorts thing: No tee-shirts allowed, but our Godless-soon-to-be masters have graciously allowed us to wear shorts with the Mao jackets (in honor of Cecil’s bold fashion statment.) We are also permitted to wear bell-bottoms with our Mao jackets, but only if accessorized with love beads.

You’ll have to ask Zenster about how to barbeque with a wok. I’m sure it’s possible: think of Char Siu or Chinese spare-ribs!

Glad to see you’re getting into the spirit of things.

Fenris

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As I understand this issue the Destroyers with the Aegis system would not be available for 6-8 years. I watched the pundits (Fred Barnes or Mort Kondracke) talk about this early on in the China thing and their perception was that because of the lead-time for the Aegis system Taiwan was probably going to get the older stuff all along. I have not seen this hinted at anywhere else yet.

As far as becoming part of China is concerned I am looking forward to grain so dense that you can stand on top of it. Long live the people’s revolution.

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Actually, what I THINK Mr. Bunny meant was that now that Sam Walton(owner of WalMart) is now the richest man in the world, theyre sending WalMart over to China.
It will now be a China based company.

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As any good-come the-revolution European could tell you, manny…with your Mao Tse-tongs. Preferably over a burning Bush.

Comrad Coldie – Wassamatter ? Having a bad day shovelling around all those laundered Euro’s ? :smiley:

Diane: Who doesn’t need a road map to get from gastronomy to genitals :eek:

Horowitz – Interesting but how long’s it take to build state of the art destroyers, anyway (plus all the other bits an’ pieces) ? None of this was going to happen tomorrow.

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Until they get my Mao shirt to me, can I wear this cool Nehru jacket with my bell bottoms? Must they all be black?

::digs through boxes in Mom’s attic::

Anybody need love beads? I got lots.

::goes back to digging in box::

Hey, cool! platforms!

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Platform shoes are acceptable, platform shoes with live goldfish in them are encouraged.

Nehru jackets do not convey the correct ideological groupthink. Remember: the purpose of the Mao jacket is so that we will share fashion suffering with our Godless masters. Nehru jackets seem…frivolous to them.

Mao jackets/shirts may either be black, white, red or paisley, so as to increase the fashion-suffering. Bonus suffering points are given for those who wear the paisley.

Fenris

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This might not be so bad if it gives me a chance to recycle all my old platforms from the Disco Years.

I even have the clear ones you can put goldfish in. After I take out the tinsel that’s in 'em.

Paisley… hmm… nah. Clashes with the Peter Maxx patches on my jeans.

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5 to 6 years, from design to acceptance trials. The older stuff is actually in stock now: Kidd-class destroyers originally built for the Shah of Iran.

Fire-sale prices! The new Godless Masters[sub]TM[/sub] are coming, and everything must go! A free EP-3 with every capital warship! A free main battle tank with every anti-aircraft battery! No offer refused, cause we’re insane!
[sub]Crazy Unca’ Sam’s Used WarMachine Sales; Located on the wrong side of the tracks in your home town[/sub]

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There are some things I can still find without the mountains to the East and the lake to the West. :wink:

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But if you go carryin’ pictures of Chairman Mao,
you ain’t gonna make it with anyone anyhow
Don’t you know it’s gonna be all right?
Don’t you know it’s gonna be all right?

If we’re getting taken over by the PRC, at Circle K maybe we’ll be able to buy Jianglibao, a really tasty orange-honey soda they sell over there. Besides,

I like Chinese,
I like Chinese,
They come from a long way overseas,
But they’re cute, and they’re cuddly, and they’re ready to please.

I like Chinese food,
The waiters never are rude,
Think the many things they’ve done to impress,
There’s Maoism, Taoism, I Ching, and chess.

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Question - Is their room on Hainan island for all of the Jews Bunnyhurt says should be relocated from Israel? I hear it’s a pretty nice place.

As for the religious significance of where they are now - Jerusalem, Schmaluserum, I say.

Are we allowed to write down women’s phone numbers in our Little Red Books?

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Naw, he’s saving the extra space for those evil, conspiring Mormons.