I am in the process of quitting smoking. It’s a difficult path. (Read on to find out what else in new.)
I hadn’t had a good day up until that point. Being groggish from sleep deprivation and craving a smoke after 3 days without inhaling carcerigenous chemicals does that to me. I had a coffee (hurray for caffeine deprivation induced headaches!) and I really needed a smoke after that but I wasn’t going to give in that easily. The clock dragged during classes but I managed to stay focused.
I’ll get to the point. I’m driving with my girlfriend. We come off the highway and the cars are stopping ahead. The exit turns into two lanes then one again further ahead but I didn’t notice this actually. I move into the left one and the driver ahead of me stays on the right. So far so good. Cars are taking turns to enter the single lane but this fucker ahead of me decides I have to wait when it’s my turn. It just happens that waiting because some turd decides his ego will shrink with some common manners is not to be today. I had decided to let him slide until I realised he was pushing it. What’s more, I can’t be certain but I think it was his lane ending.
So I press onwards and he doesn’t have any options except letting me pass, jokingly pitying to myself his shrinking penis. But noooooooooo, he climbs on the sidewalk and tries to cut me off. My poor deluded fellow commuter, I will delay you 2 seconds today unfortunately, my messed up body chemistry so dictates. Let’s just say I’m edgy…
So what does this cammel fucker do…? HE PUNCHES MY REAR DOOR! (We were 1 milimetre apart by now). OK it’s ridiculous enough to have this will match over a car slot but PUNCHING THE FUCKING DOOR?! THAT’S CROSSING THE FUCKING LINE!
I lost it right there! No more Mr. Obtuse Nice Guy from me. I see enough stupidity on the roads everyday to tolerate this. My first reaction was to drive into the sidewalk what was left of his big assed Nissan jeep on the road. But then I realised that would be incredibly stupid and what’s more I’m sure that, however gratifying it might have been, I’d have to cover the costs.
I stopped the car and headed in his direction. Steaming and not too coherent (that’s what I regret most!). My second reaction was to grab him by the collar and shake him a lot. I dropped that option too, wouldn’t accomplish anything. So I asked him, quite altered, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?! He mutters he didn’t have to let me through. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOU PROBLEM ASSHOLE?! “Hey, you were behind me on the highway!”. WHAT THE FUCK?! (I was repeating myself I know…) I DON’T CARE IF I WAS A TINY RED BLEMISH IN YOUR REARVIEW MIRROR, YOU’RE LUCKY I’M NOT TRIMMING YOUR BEARD WITH A FEW BITCHSLAPS MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND??? Obviously he didn’t because he stared blankly at me. I stared inquisitively back at him for a few seconds while the cars behind cursed my mother’s good name.
So I walked slowly away, slamming his door open handed as I did so.
“Carcerigenous”? Um… carcer, Latin for “prison”, so… that would be “prison-building” chemicals? Like, reinforced concrete, maybe? You don’t want to inhale reinforced concrete, it’s bad for you…
Yes, I know you meant “carcinogenic”.
Yes, I know I’m an evil, trivial-detail-obsessed, nitpicking son of Belial and I ought to inhale reinforced concrete myself. I can’t help it. I was abandoned as a child and raised by pedants.
If the word “Wellbutrin” means I will let this monumental jackass get away with this kind of stunt then no thanks, I’m fine with my disfunctional self.
Steve I appreciate pointing out my mistake, really I do, my confusion rose from the portuguese word cancerígeno. I just checked Merriam-Webster online and you’re right of course but according to my Portuguese-English dictionary it should be “cancerigenic” (which sounded very strange so I discarded that). So what’s your final word, oh evil, trivial-detail-obsessed, nitpicking son of Belial?
By the way I’m increasing my daily dosage as I type, quiting is proving to be hazardous to my health.
Esprix that is indeed a thought that didn’t occur to me but I think the odds of that happening are smaller than me popping a main artery (hehe joking). Doesn’t happen around these parts and if it did I’d back off in a second, though he wouldn’t get away with it either.
I don’t think I lose my temper easily (though I could be wrong) but the combination of nicotine cravings which makes me edgy and the revolt his sheer stupidity caused me were enough this time around.
You want to know? You really want to know? OK, then… I think, in addition to everything else that is getting on your nerves, you’ve got a defective translating dictionary. “Cancerigenic” doesn’t appear on either the Dictionary of Difficult Words or CancerWeb’s Online Medical Dictionary, so I think it’s a crock.
That’s my final word on that subject. My overall final word will probably be “apostrophe” - as in, one day I’m going to say “and there’s another misplaced apostrophe”, and one of my colleagues, goaded beyond endurance, will club me to death with a filing cabinet.
Steve you wanna know what else gets on my nerves? Do you??? No? OK, I’ll tell you anyway. Even I figured out it was incorrect and they have the mistake online too (you have to use the menus and register so you probably don’t want to bother). I think I’ll go write them a sympathetic but somewhat annoyingly condescending e-mail.
By the way (there’s always a “by the way” - one of the coolest expressions in the english language) I’m with you all the way on the apostrophe issue.
And since I’m here the worst part is when you beat the physical addiction the psychological part kicks in and vice-versa (so many big words!). The most difficult for me is after a meal and coffee, especially breakfast. I can skip smokes or caffeine but not both.
And while driving! I used to get in the car and instantly start looking for my pack. I miss it. Even traffic became bearable.
And this has been a really bad ride overall.
That’s it I guess, move along people, there’s nothing left to see here. Have a nice day.
I just got to ask Dilbert, “fuzzy”? Fuzzy lungs or fuzzy mood? How the hell does that work? I think fuzzy I think Teddy Bears. You say fuzzy I think about extreme body hair growth. I’m glad some of you understand - unlike my girlfriend. She seems to think it’s a spur of the moment thing which takes no effort - I don’t have to tell you how irritating that is!
