And I’m sure you’re worth every penny. 
I feel that the machete, as a political methedology, is outdated.
We must move on.
We must uses axes.
Pffft.
Get with the times. Halberds are the way to go. They’re kinda like Axes 2.0.
(And this is a Norwegian cum Viking speaking. We should know, no? Damn you, Switzerland!)
(Halberdocracy or Axocracy?)
Read my lips: NO NEW AXES!
The mind reels. The regular Vikings were bad enough.
Sailboat
And you just blew the election! Way to go.
If we outlaw machetes, only outlaws wi…
I’ll come in again.
Now that is one kind of Viking that you would really rather not have pillaging your coastal village.
Everybody talks about Nigerians buying machetes from Nigerians, but if you really want to get to the source of the problem, you have to do something about all these inexpensive Chinese-made machetes flooding the market. Why, just last month I paid $3.00 at Harbor Freight tools for a chepa Chinese-made machete with a comfortable rubber handle. it took me 10 minutes on the bench grinder to put an edge on it and it went dull after one use.
No, people, Nigeria will never be free until they can produce their own machetes, all the way from mining and smelting the ore, producing decent quality steel and forming it into good machetes themselves. Only then will Nigeria have something to be proud of! No more of these cheap Chinese machetes for Nigeria! They should threaten to cut up political opponents with a tool they can be proud to weild menacingly. Besides, it might keep them busy enough to stop forging US Postal Service money orders and leave me alone on ebay, roommates.com and myspace.
I 'unno, talking about the “axes of evil” can get you pretty far.
I believe Norwegian cum made an impact on the North-Eastern English gene pool that is perceptible to this day. Thanks, Vikings!
I just know I’ve seen porn with this theme somewhere.
I know there’s some kind of puerile pun to be made here, probably involving words such as “longboat,” “helmet” and “horn(y),” but I’m too lazy to make it. 
The jokes write themselves, really, so you don’t need to put yourself out.
A 3 year old girl has been kidnapped in Nigeria.
Fucked up country? you betcha
If that’s the criteria for “fucked up country” status, then I suspect only Vatican City may not be so considered.
Yeah, hell, just look at an Amber Alert sometime - or the bulletin board in the entryway of any Wal-Mart.
Probably. People keep track of the price as a gauge of potential trouble.
Is there such a thing as a futures market in AK-47s or machetes, BTW?
My story, as a webmaster:
Me: “I block all Nigerian IPs, because nobody but scammers and spammers have registered from that country.”
PC: “Most Nigerians are good people! It’s only a small percentage that are scammers! That’s like saying all Italians are in the Mafia, because all Mafioso are Italian! You’re punishing everyone for the acts of a few! You’re a RACIST!”
Me: “Well, where are those honest Nigerians? They’re not visiting my site. Are you saying that I should my community to their depredations of Nigerian scammers, allowing them to post spam for Nokia telephones and send private messages with 419 scams, so I don’t appear to be a xenophobic, jingoistic bigot?”
PC: “Uhhh … you’re a RACIST!”
Me: “Sigh.”
About 50% of users registering from the Philippines are spammers, and 50% legit. I don’t block the Philippines; I just delete the spammers. If even a quarter of Nigerian users were legit, I’d unblock the country for their benefit. However, when EVERY one has been a spammer … no thanks. I can only keep the welcome mat rolled out for so long before it starts to wear thin.
Are Nigerian candidate debates televised?
It must be lots of fun to watch . . .
See, when my PC gets possessed all it says is “Your mother flets sexps in Hell!” and “02 STUDENTID PIC 9(7).”