In these hard times, I know that there are plenty of advice columns that discuss strategies for cutting back on Christmas expenditures while still showing that one is a caring giftgiver, but what I am proposing is considerably more radical: gifts that cost you, the giver, nothing whatsover (well, except maybe the cost of incidentals that get you to the free stuff, but still). Now, granted, the items listed below are at best, going to make funky stocking stuffers or items for relatively undiscerning kids, and it’s unlikely to that one can do a completely cost-free gift exchange, but hey, it’s a start. Here are a few suggestions:
Promotional Calendars
Every Chinese take-away in the nation hands out charming, exotic single sheet calendars printed on bamboo slats, and they usually even come rolled up in little gift boxes. Ok, so you probably had better order something for form’s sake, but you were getting hungry right about now anyway, right?
For a gift that keeps on giving, hie on down to your local Subway and snag their 2012 coupon calendar, featuring lovely photos of various exotic locales (most of which, I am pretty sure, have no actual Subway restaurants) and the real payoff: valuable discount coupons at the bottom of every page. One small error, in my view: each coupon is good only for the month on which it is displayed, meanng that you’ll end up defacing the hell out of the thing if you actually want to use the discounts. Little more thought next time, eh, SW?
Lastly, I’ve got to give props to the 2012 Subaru calendar I scored last time I visited the dealership to see to my elderly Impreza. 13 months of dramatic photos of WRX rally specials bounding through the wilderness just this side of complete loss of control. Mighty snappy, and mine for the taking.
And speaking of car dealers:
Automobile brochures
Is there anything more beautifully printed, and more optimistic, than a new car brochure? Look at the extraordinary level of detail in the photos, the bold sweep of the fenders, how the interior of even the cheapest econobox looks like something Rolls-Royce wishes they could aspire to, and the list of options! So many options! If I were a 12-year-old kid again, I’d be all over that, and if you can just hang on to them for fifty years or so, they’ll be worth considerable coin, you just wait.
Beer Mats
My sister actually gave me a huge collection of these (many from Australia and the UK) as a Christmas gift a few years ago, and while it makes me a bit queasy to think of how much drinking she did to end up with 300 beer mats in a year’s time, they’re exotic and interesting and I will never have rings on my varnished furniture ever again.
Lastly,
Free airline stuff
OK, you don’t get much more than bags of pretzels on domestic flights any more, but if you manage to go overseas on the company dime, a veritable cornucopia of free goods opens up. Aside from the usual things like the little bottles of iffy wine they serve with dinner, I’ve scored handy little packets containing socks, an eyemask, toothbrush and toothpaste (British Airways); vast numbers of really gorgeous postcards (Lufthansa), and a lovely ceramic replica of a dutch row house (KLM). OK, the last one was in Business class, but I got bumped there, didn’t pay a penny for the privelege.
So, now that I’ve (I hope) fired your imaginations, what are your suggestions?