No coital sex before marriage/engagement - male perspective

[Harmonious_Discord]

You assume the male isn’t wanting a kid just because they are not married.

[Skammer]

My wife and I didn’t have sex before we were married - just makeouts and light petting. And it was really [del]hard[/del] difficult. It was mainly for religious reasons but not having to worry about pregnancy was nice too. And it was worth the wait; we’ve had a great sex life since.

[Swallowed_My_Cellphone]

@DianaG

I think it’s adorable that you’re extrapolating the motives of women in general from a pool of the sorts of people who go to fortune tellers.

Oh, c’mon. ZPG Zealot wasn’t generalizing about motives of “women in general”, but was referring more specifically to the demographics of his/her clientele - yes, the kind that go to fortune tellers.

There are people out there, probably more than you realize, who are actually that misguided. Look at surveys on retirement or wealth-building strategies. A recent survey had 12% of Canadians expecting lottery winnings to finance their retirement (I’ve seen some surveys say 5% and others say 32%). Even if it’s only 5%, that’s a whole lot of :smack: out there in the world.

ZPG Zealot wasn’t trying to make a comment about “sneaky wimminfolk”, as you put it, it wasn’t a generalization. Rather it was an observation that there are many people with such tragically limited prospects and education, that getting pregnant to “hook a guy” seems like worthwhile strategy. Really, if even 5% of people here are counting on the lottery for their retirement, then I would not be surprised if there are women who are willing to think “baby” will mean “husband/child support/welfare”, and don’t consider the big picture of raising a child for 18+ years.

I would also not be surprised if there are ten times as many men who’d be willing to believe you if you told them that if they dump vinegar on their dick before sex, a girl can’t get pregnant.

[Lynn_Bodoni]

@Der_Trihs

Because they don’t like the idea of being cut up, or of undergoing difficult to reverse surgery without clear necessity. And samples can be lost. And men don’t like women being free with the integrity of their bodies any more than women like it when men do the same; it’s easy to say a vasectomy is no big deal when you are a woman.

And another problem with an “everyone gets irreversibly sterilized” plan; if there’s a collapse of civilization, humanity goes extinct.

I’ve had a tubal cauterization, and I’ve had a hysterectomy. I’ve also had had various tumors removed. I wouldn’t say that a vasectomy is no big deal, but I’d say that a tubal ligation is a much bigger deal than a vasectomy. Tubals require abdominal surgery, and vasectomies don’t.

And if there’s a collapse of civilization, well, you just wait until kids who haven’t been sterilized start hitting puberty. It’s not like humans only have kids once every five or ten years, so there’s gonna be new fertile humans in a matter of months. Probably it would be a GOOD thing for everyone to hold off making babies for a couple of years, and start getting the infrastructure back up.

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

@Blut_Aus_Nord

This is true, but unless you’re a Hollywood celebrity, marriages tend to last for longer than a month. It’s much more likely for a relationship to end if there is no deep emotional attachment to each other beyond infatuation, and especially so when there’s legal attachment. However:

This is a better way to put it. I think that one should have a deep, well-founded trust and familiarity with the other person, to the point where they could be acknowledged as a potential spouse. That’s a very subjective and vague sentiment though, so I just simplified and said “married/engaged”, which was rather stupid, as many have rightly pointed out. Like most of my ideas, they’re never fully thought out until I have someone point out the glaring flaws.

Your phrasing didn’t seem stupid to me; I knew what you meant.

[TheWhoToTheWhatNow]

@Lynn_Bodoni

Seriously, though, I wonder why the guys who are so paranoid about some woman using them for child support payments DON’T make deposits and then get the Big V. Surely it would be cheaper and it would relieve their minds. They can still get STDs, so they’d be wise to use rubbers…but they wouldn’t have to worry about evil wimmins stealing their manjuice to impregnate themselves.

I’ve actually considered it because the logic makes sense and I have a lot of random sex so if a girl got preggers we’re definately nowhere near the marriage stage. It comes down to these worries:

• I hear sex doesn’t feel as good after, like you lose some sensitivity or something. I don’t know if this is true, I heard it from a friend who “knew a guy who had one and he said…” but if it’s even remotely possible that’s enough for me! What’s the point if sex becomes less fun?

• what if the sperm bank blows up or is hit in a tsunami and my samples are lost in a wave of babies. Now I can’t reproduce. Although you could keep samples all over the world, it’s not like you can’t pump out a dozen a week with some good porn haha but then you have to contact all these places and figure out how to send your boys to each one (hmm is there a business idea in there? “Sperm Security - we’ll secure your samples for you!”)

• the main one is that honestly if I knew I couldn’t get a girl pregnant I’d probably end up not using a condom or not caring if one broke or if I didn’t have one handy etc. and then I’m way more likely to be catching STDs left and right and passing them around. Like the psychological impact now is “fuck I don’t wanna ruin the mood having to run back to my pants in the living room to get a condom! …but remember that pregnancy scare a few years back and the hell of waiting a month for that “I got my period!!!” phone call? Mood or not, go get that fuckin condom dude!!”

So those are my reasons. I’m not super paranoid about chicks wanting to get pregnant off me but I’ve met girls with the mentalities people described of being rescued from a shitty life by latching onto a guy, or of wanting a baby more than the guy (any dude will do, they just really want to be a mommy), or thinking that a baby will fix their relationship and MAKE the guy love them. I suspect these girls aren’t thinking at all about the 9 months of morning sickness and pushing a bowling ball out their vaginas, I think that in their mind you just have a cute round stomache that everyone fawns over and gives you attention and then it flashed forward to being in the hospital holding a cute little baby.

• TWTTWN