Persephone, the thing is, people love to have other people to look down on. If there’s no-one handy, they’ll invent someone, or a whole bunch. One little gem that I’m hearing a lot is “you’re not a real woman until you have kids”. I suppose that makes me an artificial woman…
Hope everything works out for you
Semantics. Sorry: women give up their babies so that other women can be mommies. It’s not a matter of good or bad. It just is.
I’m glad that I got my kids. I’m glad their mother gave them to me. I don’t think I’m better than her. I do think that I’m lucky, though.
I am almost certain of the caustic consequences of the statement I’m about to make. And I swear I never say undiplomatic things like this in “real” life. But HELL, I feel emboldened by the anonymity of cyberspace to speak my mind. So here goes:
You folks are just a little too worked up about this. Most people, perhaps over 90% of human beings world-wide, are very stupid. I mean barely out of the trees, chimp-like stupid. And the other 10% may be smarter, but they’re still chimps - they’re just better at catching monkeys. We tend to forget this because we build little rarified societies for ourselves that shelter us from the reality of the human condition. So don’t be so suprised when they say thoughtless things. You’ll never change them. So give up and be happy.
I realize this post is almost a complete nonsequitor, but damn it, I’m procrastinating - so cut me some slack. My point is - ease up on the emotion - those chemicals get in the way of figuring stuff out - and figuring stuff out is good - although I’m not sure why.
Persephone, blecch, what an idiotic, shallow thing for your co-worker to say. I’d be tempted to say,“Well, no GOOD woman would pass such a blanket judgement on anyone without knowing the exact situation.” Since she said what she said, though, it would probably not be worth it. Let it slide off, Hon. Shallow judgement just isn’t worth the worry.
I suppose that it may be worrisome to think of her reaction to your future decisions, and her yakking at the workplace. Don’t let it get to you. I’ve met you, and can only think your co-workers see the same shining beautiful gal I do. I know you do everything with your best heart, and that your decisions will be the best possible. You’ve been blessed with a unusual, complex life, and the smarts to navigate it. If some so-and-so don’t get it, well, they’ve missed out on the nuance of life. Let 'em live behind their walls of pigeon-holed judgement.
{{{Cristi}}} I know you’ll make the best decisions for your family, and that y’all already done the work to have two strong parental connections to weather any changes. Keep your good exceptional heart strong.
My parents got divorced, and although my mom originally had custody of me, for reasons I won’t get into right now, I ended up living with my dad (I was almost 6 at the time). Although I love my mother dearly, I know it was the best thing for me. I’m sure she got a lot of snide comments about the fact, and I know I’ve seen the gears turning in peoples’ heads when I tell them that I live with my dad. Fuck 'em.
{Snit} Sorry, *should I have *said In my experience…:wally
Stupid, stupid woman. I got a lot of grief from the same sort of women when I decided to take back my maiden name after my divorce. “I could never have a different name than my child…blah blah blah”.
The only thing good about behavior like that is that it makes me search my own head and attitude about similar thoughts and destroy them.