No, I don't eat popcorn. That's not the point.

[Cabin_Fever_1]

I was just looking at the settings on the microwave here.
There are only 4 settings:

1. Popcorn — 1-3 minutes

2. Macaroni and Cheese (frozen) — 2-4 minutes

3. Idiot co-workers — cook until they run screaming from the building

4. Management — wait until there is a charred corpse and foul smelling smoke is emanating from somewhere, cut slit in plastic cover and continue until rescue squad arrives. Let item cool while you quietly escape.

YMMV

[Nava]

@corkboard

Of course, there was that one girl who caused a fire microwaving her lunch because she didn’t realize you had to remove the fork from the plate before you put it inside. When we all stared at her incredulously after she told us that she does it that way at home all the time, she looked at all of us like we were the crazy ones.

WAG: what she has at home is actually a toaster oven. My Jamaican landlady broke the microwave the first time she used it: it had been in her house for three years, but she didn’t trust those newfangled things. One day the toaster oven wasn’t working aaaaaaaand…

[Triskadecamus]

I arrived at work today after two days off, and heard a continuous beep sounding in the lobby. I walked in and looked for a possible source, and noticed a light on the panel of the Emergency Alarm Control Panel. The panel is in a plastic box, with an iron cage, and padlock around it. The beep is coming from the panel, and an LED marked “system prob” is lit. I shrug, and continue in, stopping by my boss’s boss’s boss’s office to tell him the Chicken Little system is beeping. (No one else even close to management is in, of course, it’s Friday afternoon.)

The Chicken Little Alarm system is relatively new. It has multiple detectors, alarm annunciators, and computer inputs from FEMA, State and Local Police, The Coast Guard, NOAA, and of course, the Fire Department. It will notify us of impending doom of many varieties. Those who have read this thread might already know that if two rooms in any building report smoke detection, it will automatically summon the Fire Department, and activate building evacuation alarms. It also sounds an alarm and broadcasts small craft warnings covering any navigable body of water within 150 miles of here. Floods, tidal waves, storms, tornados, you name it, and the Chicken Little system will give you multiple advance warnings.

So, today I report that it is beeping about “system prob” and ask him to call maintenance. He says they have been in since two days ago, when it first malfunctioned. They think the rain might be the problem.

So I ask him, “Does this mean we have no fire alarms, and can reasonably expect to have none until after work for maintenance starts on Monday, if the weather stays nice?” He says, “Yeah, maybe.” I smile at him, he says, “What?!”

“I was just wondering, does this mean we can make popcorn now?”

Tris

[Morgyn]

@Triskadecamus

So I ask him, “Does this mean we have no fire alarms, and can reasonably expect to have none until after work for maintenance starts on Monday, if the weather stays nice?” He says, “Yeah, maybe.” I smile at him, he says, “What?!”

“I was just wondering, does this mean we can make popcorn now?”

Tris

Damn. That’s the first place my mind went, too.

Did he say yes? And did you, even though you don’t eat popcorn?

[Triskadecamus]

@Morgyn

Damn. That’s the first place my mind went, too.

Did he say yes? And did you, even though you don’t eat popcorn?

No, he laughed.

And in fact, I made no such comment to anyone else, except one other coworker I judged to be smart enough to recognize the joke.

Tris

[Kobal2]

@Triskadecamus

I will admit that my attitude gets me more grief than my performance would with proper hierarchical obeisance, but . . . well . . . They set the damned things on FIRE! Four Times! And all my bosses think that the problem is popcorn!

Tris

I see. I made a mistake earlier, or rather, I did not. Triskademus you are, in fact, Gregory House.

It was you who set the popcorn fires, right ?

[j666]

@AskNott

Y’know, installing a fire extinguisher in the break area would be a lot cheaper than paying for a fire department run.
:smack:

Not when you factor in paying for Fire Extinguisher Use training for everyone, and, yes, everyone has to be trained to not use the Fire Extinguisher until after they have completed Advance Fire Extinguisher Training. By a Certified Advance Fire Extinguisher Trainer. (I’m not making this up.)

@TruCelt

Perhaps, and I’ll try that if I ever get up the courage to bring popcorn to the office again. But these particular bags just ignite before the popcorn is finished popping. It’s the Dollar Store’s fault, I tells ya!

And this is why there are such strict training requirement. The product design specialist did not complete the Product Design Verification Training and designed a product that does not contain enough popcorn to absorb enough energy so that bag doesn’t catch on fire.

Or maybe the design was okay, but the manufacturing process was not followed correctly because the Popcorn Kernel Dispenser Calibration Technician was not trained properly. Or maybe it was the Popcorn Oil Dispenser Calibration Technician.

Could have been the Process Validation Specialist …

@Triskadecamus

So I ask him, “Does this mean we have no fire alarms, and can reasonably expect to have none until after work for maintenance starts on Monday, if the weather stays nice?” He says, “Yeah, maybe.” I smile at him, he says, “What?!”

“I was just wondering, does this mean we can make popcorn now?”

Are you at all concerned about working in a large nearly empty building with no fire alarms? (And have you been trained to leave the building at the onset of fire or smoke without the assistance of an alarm?)

[AskNott]

@j66

Not when you factor in paying for Fire Extinguisher Use training for everyone, and, yes, everyone has to be trained to not use the Fire Extinguisher until after they have completed Advance Fire Extinguisher Training. By a Certified Advance Fire Extinguisher Trainer. (I’m not making this up.)

Really? I worked for 34 years in an auto parts plant. Between OSHA and the UAW Safety Committee, they followed all the rules. I was required to take yearly training in HazMat, blood spill, lockout, and a couple more categories I never encountered in real life. The plant was bristling with extinguishers and fire hoses, but I never was trained to operate any of them.

[Cabin_Fever_1]

@Triskadecamus

I arrived at work today after two days off, and heard a continuous beep sounding in the lobby. I walked in and looked for a possible source, and noticed a light on the panel of the Emergency Alarm Control Panel. The panel is in a plastic box, with an iron cage, and padlock around it. The beep is coming from the panel, and an LED marked “system prob” is lit. I shrug, and continue in, stopping by my boss’s boss’s boss’s office to tell him the Chicken Little system is beeping. (No one else even close to management is in, of course, it’s Friday afternoon.)

The Chicken Little Alarm system is relatively new. It has multiple detectors, alarm annunciators, and computer inputs from FEMA, State and Local Police, The Coast Guard, NOAA, and of course, the Fire Department. It will notify us of impending doom of many varieties. Those who have read this thread might already know that if two rooms in any building report smoke detection, it will automatically summon the Fire Department, and activate building evacuation alarms. It also sounds an alarm and broadcasts small craft warnings covering any navigable body of water within 150 miles of here. Floods, tidal waves, storms, tornados, you name it, and the Chicken Little system will give you multiple advance warnings.

So, today I report that it is beeping about “system prob” and ask him to call maintenance. He says they have been in since two days ago, when it first malfunctioned. They think the rain might be the problem.

So I ask him, “Does this mean we have no fire alarms, and can reasonably expect to have none until after work for maintenance starts on Monday, if the weather stays nice?” He says, “Yeah, maybe.” I smile at him, he says, “What?!”

“I was just wondering, does this mean we can make popcorn now?”

Tris

And this is why I have heard multiple helicopters and F-18’s take off here for destinations unknown.
Hmmm…

[Kobal2]

@Cabin_Fever

And this is why I have heard multiple helicopters and F-18’s take off here for destinations unknown.
Hmmm…

Popcorn fire or terrorist attack ? Don’t know. Can’t tell. Nuke them from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.

[Cabin_Fever_1]

Dear Dopers,

This is no longer about popcorn.
We need to rescue Tris.
Plan B is terminated.
Plan X - 800-RESCUE-TRIS is called for. (Use a throw-away cell please).

Sincerely,
+Deleted+