Alternately entitled My Morning, OR How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb.
I woke up around 6:30 am, before my alarm went off. Ten hours of uninterrupted sleep. I got up, took a shower, and looked forward to checking my email, hoping there’d be one from my girlfriend from yesterday evening. She’s out of town. There wasn’t, so the day started off badly. Things got worse, as you’ll soon see.
I got to work around 7:30. Work became stressful. I wondered what it would be like if I detonated a one megaton warhead in my employer’s warehouse. A surface blast, so to speak. Pretty big. It’d turn the offices into a smoking crater, and snarl up traffic on the major freeways, especially if I did this during rush hour. Imagine the traffic reports.
I then wondered what the radioactive fallout would be like. Note that the remainder of the Twin Cities would suffer 3,000 REM, which would result in death in hours. Out at about Eau Claire in Wisconsin, you’d get 900 REM, which would kill you in two days to two weeks. Further on out there are immediate effects (drop in white blood cells, hair loss, etc) and long-term cancers. Side benefit - the Green Bay Packers would no longer be the bane of the Minnesota Vikings.
Then I wondered why I was using such a small one megaton bomb (Hiroshima was about 12.5 kilotons in comparison). The nuclear arsenals of the US and Russia have far larger weapons. I took a twenty-five megaton bomb and detonated it in an air burst at about 17,500 feet – the perfect height for maximum damage.
Then I wondered why I’d target the far southwest of the metro area, and targeted the 25 megaton nuke on the center of Minneapolis. That pretty much envelops the entire metro area, and the fallout and aftereffects would do the rest. This duly impressed upon me the power of a nuclear warhead.
Then I wondered who the hell would nuke a meaningless target like Minneapolis, so I checked on what would happen if Iraqi terrorists nuked Tel Aviv. Jerusalem is juuuust out of range. The place would rattle, maybe a few broken windows, but Tel Aviv would be a smoking crater. Definitely headline news.
Then I thought that if I really had my choice, I’d nuke the fucking French. The fallout would spill into Belgium and Germany, but that’d be an acceptable price to pay for getting rid of thousands of cheese-eating surrender monkeys. That’s what they get for their inexplicable love of Jerry Lee Lewis. (Or is it Jerry Lewis? SOMEONE TELL ME.)
[sub]Caveat: No, I have no intention of detonating a nuclear bomb anywhere. They are awful, horrible things. But as I cannot put on some gloves and beat a hanging bag to vent some frustration at work, I did the geek equivalent and used sources available on the net. PBS, no less.[/sub]