No, we're waiting for the second coming of Christ

The BBQ Pit
1

Jesus-fucking-christ, don’t people think anymore?

I just came back from the post office since I wanted to mail two packages: one to my grandmother and one to Fin_woman’s grandfather (videotapes of 6-month old Fin_baby). I got to the post office a few minutes before they opened. There were about 5 people standing near the door. They had packages or letters in their hands. There were obviously waiting for the post office to open.

But then comes along Asshat 1 and Asshat 2 (AH1 and AH2). Each one walks right past the group and tries to open the door. Lo and behold, the door is locked. But I would think that was obvious since why the fuck would we be standing outside. Instead of moving towards the back of the “line”, they decide to stand right at the door. The postal employee unlocks the door and AH1 and AH2 proceed to walk in FIRST.

AH1 becomes second in line and AH2 goes to the side to get some express mail envelopes. As the rest of us (those that actually stayed in line) enter the official queing area, AH2 tries to cut in the middle of everybody. That’s it. I’m tired of dimwitted fuckheads doing shit like this.

ME: Excuse me, the line ends back there.
AH2: Ugh.

He does go to the end of the line. At this point, AH1 looks at me and smiles a bit. I don’t know if he is happy because somebody said something to asshats like AH2 or if he is happy that he got away with something.

ME: You too. The line ends back there.
AH1: What, you were in line.
ME: No, we were just standing outside for our health. You arrived after this gentleman {and I pointed to the man behind me}
AH1 moves back but gets behind me.
ME: No, behind this gentleman.
AH1: Oh, I didn’t know which person you meant.
ME: If you were to be behind me, I would have said ‘behind me’. Behind this gentleman means behind him.
AH1: Oh, ok. {and he moves behind him}

At this point, the man behind me similes at me with one of those smiles of satisfaction. Shit people, we live in a society and society has rules and expecations. Did you mommy and daddy not explain this to you? Hey, nobody likes lines. We all have better things to do but WAIT YOUR FUCKING TURN.

On a side note, I calculated the total I owed was $7.70 while the postal employee was still assisting me. I had $7.75 ready for her when she gave me the total. And she did not inform me of other payment options - Bitch, I don’t care about other payment options

On preview, I used ‘fuck’ only 5 times (with this being the 5th). Therefore, fuck[sup]71[/sup]

2

You will love this story:

Long ago, my buddy and I went to the DMV. Back then it was still a one room building, rather small and would shut down entirely for lunch between 12 and 1pm.

My pal and I walk in to the waiting area at about 1:50pm. There are about 20 people waiting for them to open back up. Clearly posted, everywhere, in large letters are signs reading “Please take a number for service”. I stroll up to the ticket dispenser and eyeball #1 poking its little head out. The “Now Serving” dohicky on the wall read “00”. Chic, thought I as I snatched it up and went over to the bench and sat down. We waited about 10 minutes and the DMV drone emerged from the back room and looked at the dohicky on the wall and said, “Number One!”.

The resulting stampede to the ticket dispenser was a marvel to witness. Small children and the infirm were trampled under foot. Wives turned against Husband, Brother against Brother.

Meanwhile, I sauntered up to the window, transacted my business and walked out with a grin that could only result from the gormandization of fecal matter. The wretched masses sulked on the benches and looked like a pack of wet dogs. The couldn’t even look at me as I walked past! :smiley:

Fagjunk Theology: Not just for sodomite propagandists anymore.

3

Nice one, Fin_man. I hate fuckers who won’t adhere to even the minimum social courtesies.

Yesterday evening i was in the independent grocery store around the corner from my house. One of the cash registers had given up the ghost, and the manager was in the process of trying to fix it. Meanwhile, there was only one register open, so i joined the growing queue in about fourth position.

The woman who was being rung up had a reasonable amount of stuff–probably thirty items or so, which is a fair amount for this store. Anyway, when the cashier is about three-quarters of the way through her stuff, this woman decides that she’s forgotten something and wanders off back into the store. Now, this sort of thing is acceptable if, and only if, you return to the register quickly and don’t hold up the line.

But this fucking bitch was nowhere to be found when the cashier was done with her stuff. Of course, the cashier has the sub-total in the register and can’t start on the next customer until Fucking Bitch returns with the desperately-needed item. So the rest of us just continue to stand around waiting. Finally the useless piece of shit makes an appearance, and i feel compelled to say, just loud enough for everyone in line (including her) to hear: Take your time, we’ve got all day.

Then, just to top things off, she turns out to be one of those customers who is perennially shocked to discover that you actually have to pay for things in a grocery store. The cashier gives her the total, and she then starts rummaging around in her bag looking for her purse. And when she finally extracts it, she spends another age fussing over whether she has enough cash, or whether she will have to pay with a credit card.

The guy in front of me in the line, who must be about 60, turns to me with a wry grin and says: “She’s old enough to know better.”

This whole episode probably only cost me a few minutes of my life, and i know it’s not a big deal. But i fucking hate people who are so selfish, so oblivious to others, that they constantly cause situations like this.

4

Heh. Some state official walked into a Secretary of State branch (that’s Michigan’s DMV) and went in front of everyone to inquire whether or not she might be allowed to be waited on immediately. The answer was fuck no, although I believe the SOS employee put it a bit more nicely than that. This woman made a bit of a fuss about having to wait behind the rest of the unwashed masses because she was busy, in a hurry, and important. The SOS employee said “Tough shit” though again, presumably, in a nicer way. Another state employee who was waiting her turn witnessed it and was so pleased with the SOS employee’s sense of fairness that she told others and it made it into the papers. Of course, the Asshat Bitch later alleged that she was merely suggesting they start a new line for her and for all other patrons who needed to conduct the sort of simple transaction she needed to complete. Too bad, bitch. We all suffer together.

5

Something like a year ago, I went to a local grocery store to pick up a few bottles of Generic Carbonated Lemon-Lime Sugar Water for my friends. Poor bastards were replacing the serpentine belt on Friend 1’s car; they’d been doing it for quite some time in the sweltering heat.

I snagged the bottles and hopped into the 10-Items-Or-Less line. There were three people in front of me – I can’t remember the first, but after him/her was a middle-aged woman with two somewhat squirmy kids, and the one after her was Curmudgeon Man.

While the woman is waiting, Curmudgeon Man starts counting her things. “Yew’ve got four-teen aye-tems,” he proclaims. She looks briefly distraught; she does have more than ten items. I think: “Well, she’s in the wrong line, but she hasn’t got much MORE than ten items, so it’s not such a big deal.” The rest of the grocery store is packed, though, and the line is so jam-packed that there’s no good way for her to get out without looping out of the cashier line, threading her way to the entrance, and wheeling her cart through again.

The cashier starts ringing her out. “Yew’ve got TOO MUCH STUFF,” says Curmudgeon Man. He is starting to get on my nerves. The woman carefully ignores him and begins writing a check. Curmudgeon Man goes on: “I feel real sorry for those kids, that they have to see yew do this. Do yew go to CHURCH? How yew gonna feel on Sunday? That ain’t right. People like yew oughtta be locked up.”

Sheesh, I think. The woman may be on the dingbat side of conscious, but this is a little much. And then the guy starts complaining at the cashier: “How come yew checkin’ her out? She’s in the wrong lane. Prob’ly on welfare, too.” Oh – did I mention that Curmudgeon Man is an ancient white guy and the mom just happens to be Hispanic? And she’s tidily if a little shabbily dressed, as are the kids.

And then he turns to ME and says “Can you believe this shit?” With her two under-six kids there, he says this. “I can’t believe this bitch.”

I goggle at him for a second, unable to reply. The whole scene is too surreal for words. The mom finally checks out, and then it’s Curmudgeon Man’s turn…during which he continues to bitch and moan about how awful people are, and isn’t it terrible that people are so inconsiderate at this point in history. He pays for his Winstons and stalks out.

As soon as he’s out the door, the cashier bursts out laughing. I join him. When I leave, I see that the mom is still in the exit foyer – she’s given her two kids a quarter each to put in the junk gumball machines. I stop on my way out and say “I’m really sorry for the way that man treated you.” She smiles up at me kind of sadly and nods. “It’s not a big deal,” she says.

I swear, the grocery stores around here can be real havens for the deranged.

6

Bravo, Fin_man! See, I’m the kind of person who never says anything about these little indiscretions on the part of my fellow men and women. I just let it all build up in my psyche until one Friday night when, at a jam-packed mall, I have the ONE available parking space, for which I’ve been politely waiting while the previous occupant loads his car and pulls out, snatched from under my nose by a carload of bratty kids coming from the other direction, who have the nerve to then smile and wave at me as they steal the spot, making me angry enough to rip their little eyeballs out, and tempted enough to key their car, but only brave enough to leave them a nasty note on it instead.

But nah–I’m not bitter. :stuck_out_tongue:

7

auntie em:

  1. remove cap from tire valve stem.
  2. insert small pebble
  3. screw cap back onto valve;listen for the hissing
  4. repeat three more times
  5. four flat tires, no lasting damage
8

I was patiently waiting in line at the grocery store once. Here in Tallahassee, you can actually strike up a conversation with your fellow line-waiters. Helps to pass the time and most people are pretty friendly here. So the lady behind me strikes up a conversation with me. I’m open to this, seeing as how there are two or three other customers in front of me.

She observes a couple people use their debit cards to pay for their groceries. She embarks on this rant about how people shouldn’t be running up their credit card debt and how she just doesn’t trust the machines. Her bank refuses to do in-person business with her, as they have started to require ATM-only transactions or else she gets charged a fee. Technology is taking over and the machines will be all that is left. So on and so forth until she finally gets to the part about how she is going to write a check for her groceries because she likes to have that paper trail.

I smiled and nodded and did nothing to either discourage or encourage her rantings. I thought she was full of it, but didn’t see any point in commenting on that. Mostly, I was trying to get away from her as quickly and politely as I could.

I finally get to my turn to be checked out. She got very quiet as I whipped out my debit card to pay. I made eye contact with the cashier, who was rolling her eyes. As she handed me my receipt, I waved it in Busybody’s face and said, “Look! A paper trail!” and walked out, hearing all the customers behind her and the cashier chuckling at my impertinence.

When is Jesus coming? I missed that part of the OP?

9

He’s waiting for Elijah, who said to hold his space in the line and wait 'coz he’d be right back.

10

Man oh man, I sure wouldn’t want to behind him, then. The cat’s been away for almost 2,000 years. That has got to be a lot of undelivered mail.

11

HAHAHA… i regularly go to stores before they open.

EVERY SINGLE TIME someone will bipass the crowd waiting by the door and start trying like hell to open the lock doors.

I… don’t…know… why they do this, but i think its super funny.

12

I hear you about the line cutting, but I can’t tell you how many times I have seen people waiting to get in when the door was unlocked all along. I always make it a point to try the door or at least ask if the person has actually tryed opening it.

If I do open it I have no problem ‘cutting’ the line as these people who didn’t even try to open the door are bigger asshats then the ones you mentioned (and are morally responsible for that line).

13

You raise an interesting conundrum. You come upon a closed door with people waiting. You can a) try the door or b) ask if they tried the door. But look at the risks:

a) You try the door and

  1. It is locked and you look like an idiot.
  2. It is unlocked and the look like idiots.

b) You ask if the door has been tried and

  1. It has been and they say “What, you think we’re idiots?”
  2. It hasn’t and they say “You know, we just assumed it was.”

About a 50/50 chance of me looking like an idiot. I think I just stay in the crowd. If the door was unlocked, I’m blame others. :slight_smile:

14

Besides, if you try the door and it’s locked, then you just hang behind everyone who got there first. Sure, maybe you looked dumb, but there’s no need to push in front of everyone else - do ya think that’ll make them forget you looked dumb?:slight_smile:

15

Damn. Where were you last Friday night when I left the mall parking lot clenching my teeth (then went to Baskin Robbins instead, where a scoop of Pink Bubblegum made everything right again in my world)?

16

Actually, I’ve only done it once, to a beat-up Ford that parked right friggin’ next to my freshly-painted '60 Chev and dinged the side. Boy, was I steaming. Of course, that was long ago, and I would never do such a thing nowadays. :rolleyes:

17

Another way to torture them is to remove their hub cap put a small pebble in it and replace. While the car is building up speed the pebble rattles but stop after the car is going fast. It rattles again when the car slows down.

18

Actually, what I did was to leave a note on the winshield, apologizing for having keyed their car (which I did not, in fact, do). I was hoping to torture them by causing them to spend a good 10 minutes cussing and checking the car over for the scratch mark.

I’m not even sure I know HOW to remove hubcaps.

19

Say, you’re much more subtle and devious than you appear at first glance! :wink:

20

She should have taken it one step farther and apologized for putting sugar (or dist or some such) in the gas tank. Freak’em the hell out and how can they check? Yet no harm is done. Heh.

Oh, and Dogzilla, that bit with the reciept was brilliant.