You wanna make a children’s book about Noah’s Ark with a picture of a big boat covered in little windows each with and animal’s butt pressed up against it and various types of shit flying out of them? I can totally see children being interested in that, I want to invest.
Personally, I wanna know how he kept the penguins on ice the whole time.
In some cases, they’re not looking for “the” Ark or “the” Flood, but some smaller-scale event that would have been the bases for the stories of Gilgamesh and Noah.
Thy panda and thy koala haz spechul sos cheezburgers.
“You never even looked in the bottom of that Ark! Have you looked down there? No? Who’s gonna clean up that mess down there?”
How long can you tread water??? :eek:
Yeah I see I wasn’t clear. Here are the verses:
Chapter 7:
Chapter 8:
So unless I’m misunderstanding, they were on the ark for about a year.
That’s true. “Scientists” who believe that Noah’s ark is a factual story, not a parable, could find scientific evidence of a flood, and hope people don’t notice that it doesn’t prove that there was a worldwide flood. Or the impossibility of all the animals being on a boat for a year, then dispersing to where they are now in the world.
It’s a good thing that animals aren’t susceptible to motion sickness, or that massive flooding entailing covering over all the land would cause a bit of chop, right? 
As for the poo problem, well, that’s what toilets are for. I mean, duh!
But seriously, OP (because I really expect you to come back and engage in a good faith debate here and all), what about those fish? Massive global flooding of fresh water (and all that debris stuff when the land gets flooded over completely in a short time span) is not going to bode well for the fishes and stuff. As an example of this try pouring in several gallons of fresh water (and dirt and assorted crap) into your salt water fish tank then take note of what happens to the fish in there (conversely, you could do the same with your fresh water tank, to demonstrate what happens to the lakes and fresh water seas that would be flooded eventually with all that salt water stuff when some sort of equilibrium occurs…after, um, 40 days of massive flooding and…er, well, it’s hard to keep a straight face here and hard to believe that anyone who actually thinks about this can be credulous to believe this now that we know how big the earth is, and stuff about animals and plants…and geology…and meteorology…and, all that science stuff…). Er, where was I? Oh, yeah…did you try the experiment? Those things floating at the top now? Those are the dead fish. So, getting back to the fish thing, how? Did they have fish tanks on the Ark as well?
Because, you know, this would have to be a pretty big boat. Maybe the translation was wrong wrt the units of measurement. Because my back of the envelop calculation seems to indicate that the Ark would have had to be several times larger…probably an order of magnitude larger at least…to house even 2 of ever species, plus all of the stuff they would need to keep them alive for 40 days (or a year, or a parsec, or whatever), including all of the aquatic species that the original authors of the Bible didn’t know about or consider.
Or, you could just man up and say that God did it and not try and go for a rational, scientifically based explanation as to how it could have happened in reality, since, you know, it wouldn’t be believable to anyone who has even a basic understanding of the issues. Good grief, folks bought into Battleship, Pacific Rim AND Independence Day, I’d just go with the ‘God worked his magical powers to bring forth water instantly and without any actual physical effect or evidence, save all the good fish, plants and pandas, as well as a couple of people, then magically made the waters go away again without leaving any evidence and then put the good animals, plants and assorted pandas and shit right back where they came from instantaneously, while making it SEEM that other human populations outside of the Middle East had actually been all around the world during the supposed time this all happened anyway. As for dinosaurs, well, lol, they were just a trick, created by the same folks who built the glaciers, and one day a name tag will be found on one that attributes it correctly’. I think that would work better.
Thanks. Good for you for reading that far. I never get past page one.
XT, you understand that the OP isn’t serious, right?
Oh, so then you never even noticed the creation story is in there twice and contradicts itself?
Genesis 2:5-7
They just got done saying he created light-> sky -> water/earth -> plants -> animals -> man. Which is it?
Of course how can you expect a book that’s a few thousand years old and which was copied and translated by hand for centuries to be the most exact thing around if it was true?
Awww, you just ruined the thread for me 
:smack: Nope, I totally didn’t get that. Thought this was another drive by like the usual 9/11 Truther You Just Gots To See This New Awesome Video things.
Why is this in GD if it’s a parody thread?
As much as I love Bill Cosby in general and that bit in particular, I don’t think we can count this as a serious theological take on the subject. For one thing, he lists no quantities.
(“Riiiiiiight.”)
I see no debate, here.
Scorn is better suited to The BBQ Pit, (even if it is simply mocking rather than ranting).
Off it goes.
Really, at this point, believing literally in the ark myth is the quickest way to reveal that you are completely ignorant and probably stupid.
I’m just curious how Noah sexed all those pairs of dinosaur eggs.
Or maybe he didn’t, and that’s why dinosaurs are extinct.
Stupid Noah.
In the recent Noah movie, Noah and his family just wandered through he ark waving smoking bundles of herbs and all of the animals fell asleep till it was time to empty the ark. So they didn’t need to eat all that time.
ahh - an early form of cryogenesis - nice.
So the cast stoned those who were without sin?
I TOTALLY want the Noah’s Ark narrative to have been based on a true story.
Of course, as has been pointed out upthread, the idea is completely unworkable on the scale presented in the Bible, with a worldwide year-long flood survived by a few humans in a huge ark preserving all the world’s animal biodiversity.
But it seems quite likely that more minor local (but severely disruptive on a local scale) floods caused by rising sea levels in the Neolithic period helped inspire various prehistoric flood myths. Why couldn’t the ark aspect have a small kernel of original fact as well?
If some guy and his wife and sons during one of those floods loaded a few sheep and goats into their logboat and they all drifted around for a couple days till the floodwaters went down, I can see how that would make a great story for postdiluvian firesides. “Grandpa, tell us again how Klag and his family took their goats in the boat when the Great Water came!”
And gradually, over the course of many retellings, Klag is embarking not just a few goats and sheep but the family cows and maybe a fox and a lion or two, and so it goes.
Oh, and while we’re on the subject of Noah, has anybody heard why the two snakes after the landing on Mount Ararat asked Noah to cut some nearby tree trunks into pieces for them?.. 