Y’know, I’ll be the first to tell you I’m not the most well-rounded and learned individual. Sure, I can probably fix your computer, or I can tell you how much Rob Liefeld draws people like 'roided up freaks, but ask me about the Constitution, Revolution, Absolution or any other Ution and I’m pretty much done for.
I decided to remedy this, partly. In my free time, in the hours when I can’t quite sleep (midnight to 4:00am) I found nothing of interest on television. Desperate for something, I switch to the History Channel. And quite the interesting story they have.
Turns out there’s this ancient blade, noble and true. Like Excalibur or something, but without the rock or the babe. I came in at the middle of the program, but it looks like it’s been passed down through a Japanese lineage. As is typical History channel directing, I watch the same two or three pictures of the blade over and over again while the narrator tells me some interesting facts about it.
The narrator fills me brain with fun facts! This blade was feverously designed to fit itself to the wielder’s hand and act like an extension of his arm. It’s incredibly strong and durable. And it—
It can be mine for three payments of $19.95?
Aw, crud. C’mon, History Channel. I don’t want infomercials, even if it is 3:00 in the morning. I want stories about Napolean’s Clown Armies, or Monkey Jesus, or something!
Man…
…It was a cool knife, though.