It has occured to me that the fervent patriotism of so many of our corporate leaders is frustrated and stymied, they haven’t the opportunity to express thier deep devotion and dedication to our nation, beyond the courageous pinning of flags to thier lapels and directing contributions to the party most devoted to the well being of the Commonwealth. We need to extend such an opportunity to them.
Just for an example, lets take the current struggle over drilling rights in Caribou Country. Many of our fine-spirited corporate leaders are frustrated and perplexed: they want only to futher national security and reduce our dependence on foreign oil, but are everywhere assailed by suspicious lefties, who darkly suggest that their allegiance to Mammon supercedes thier allegiance to Old Glory. (I have oft been one of these, I do confess’t).
But given an opportunity to prove otherwise, who can doubt that they would rush eagerly to put thier money where thier lapel pins are?
Let us devise a program of Patriotic Non-profitism! I am sure, given the patriotic fervor so amply demonstrated by such as Clear Channel, that they would stampede towards such a noble purpose! In the above instance, Big Oil would be offered the opportunity to put their selflessness into action! They can drill where they want, and be duly compensated for thier expenses, and all they need do is dedicate the profits entirely to the US Treasury! And, of course, thier shareholders will have the glad opportunity to share in this noble crusade, as they wouldn’t dream of placing thier stock prices or dividends above thier devotion to Our Troops!
Imagine the happy cries of joy singing out from the boardrooms of America, as the opportunity to meaningfully display thier devotion to our nation is afforded them! No doubt they will fling thier bonuses and perks into the pot as well, as the sheer ecstasy of national devotion takes hold! And those who had previously been misled into incorporating off shore will be lining up to amend that oversight, so as not to miss an opportunity to deliver thier version of the “last full measure of devotion”! Indeed, let us publicly list those who have neglected this minor legalism, that they might be publicly reminded of this and be moved to quickly amend the oversight. (No doubt they will insist on paying such taxes as they have been deprived of. No doubt.)
I further propose to dedicate this proposition to the memory of Sen. Paul Wellstone, the Little Giant of Minnesota, whose smiling image resides so happily in Republican hearts, as evidenced by thier dismay over the unseemly politicization of his funeral. How better to honor his memory, than to offer them this opportunity!
I offer this modest proposal with all the sober humility that is the lodestone of my character.
